I have noticed that many people on this site are dismayed, unhappy and depressed. Also that there are a number of helpful souls who have put up poems and sayings to comfort and uplift them
Some of these have seemed to me - how shall I put this - unrealistic? Perhaps not the sort of down to earth reflection of the real world that one can believe in.
So, for those who would be helped more by something less rose tinted, I offer the following:
1. God has a special place in his heart for morons.
2. You CAN save wildlife. Kill a cat.
3. Holding your breath for ten minutes cures headaches and depression.
4. Most people don't notice that you have fouled up.
5. Global warming is just Gaia's answer to overpopulation.
Author notes
Contributions welcome
Written February 2nd, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
-
just stopped by here again - huge smile and ta mate.
-
ouch
especially the cat-killing/wildlife saving crap.
killing humans is much more world-saving -
...
-
Best write yet!!! I totally agree!!!
-
You right there are many people on this site including me who like to write deppresing poems. That doesnt always mean that they are deppresed.
I have noticed that alot. I like your advice you gave. -
"3. Holding your breath for ten minutes cures headaches and depression." Very true.
I'm not one of the "dismayed, unhappy and depressed" you aimed this at, but I read it due to my own curiosity after reading the title.
All I can say is well done, you've hit the nail on the head!
-
lol... this made me smile! I don't know what you want in the way of constructive criticism so I'll just answer your list with one of my own.
1. God has a special place in his heart for drunks, poets, and philosophers...and you are certainly one of those...
2. I'd rather kill a mouse than a cat...
3. Depression (unless there is a chemical imbalance and there almost never is) is a choice...choose to be happy.
4. The few that notice that you fouled up almost never care one way or the other.
5. Save the earth? Please. The earth was here for millions of years before we got here and she will be here for millions of years when we leave. We can do nothing to "save" the earth.
There. Not nearly as witty as yours, but ah well. -
-
Oh wow - I really wish that I'd said that.... All 5 of your points are so very perfect! Need to look you up I think. x chills
-
-
Heyy you left me confused!
Was that a poem?
Otherwise, yes its a bit amusing. -
I think if I was feeling normal I'd have found this funny. Sadly I'm going through a bad time at present and have kind of lost my sense of humour. But I appreciate the attempt, even though you didn't write it for me.
-
hahah i like this!
-
Very interesting ruminations on your perspective of life. It's always nice to see the other side and read about it. Thanks. Anthony.
-
Cynical :D
You've made a great effort here! the cheerful background surely does lift the spirits of anybody whose a little down. Love the five amazing points you've used as a comfort
Nice work!
-Arooj-
-
Ha ha!
That made me laugh! I especially like the cheerful background you selected. Number one is my favorite and I will agree that more people need to realize number 4.
-
Lol nice, I thought this was gonna be gay, I ended up laughing, don't change a thing.
-
My birthday is Feb 2, I though this is a good dose of reality, I have often wondered how to do good for wildlife and if I can since i like cats. So I'm to blame too. I find this funny and original, did you really come up with it yourself, it could be on Jay Leno. maybe you can find a local station radio or tv and read it on the air, I bet a lot of people will phone is requesting a repeat.
-
-
All my own work, although there are some very amusing additions in the comments that other people have added. Thanks for the kind words.
-
-
Haha, Thanks for the smile.
I have been depressed today and so needed that laugh"You CAN save wildlife. Kill a cat"
The reason i laugh at this is because my mom had like 20 stray cats just show up at her doorstep and she will not turn them away.. So yes let's save wildlife for sure..
Thanks again!
-
funny
Oh yeah! i was ready to dislike this piece because of the way it was promoted and also because of the way it began. you sucked me in good, dude!
it was funny, especially the god reference.
But like others i think it's under developed - it could be much longer.
good luck Vic,
myron.
-
haha
this is very good and funny
I wish you would continue!
goodjob!
-midgetbridgey -
bit short, i could go on all day rating about same thing, i mean you can't really slat a bad poem about cuting and stuff,in case they top them selfs,i don't mind cutting pomes if there good but some people go well over the top with there emotions and it's not even poetic, if you wispper people came closer to here you if you shout people back away,to many people shout there emotions on this site, poetry is an art.
p.s nice
-
A ray of sunshine. 'You can save wildlife. Kill a cat.' this is my favorite line. Nicely done!
-
LMAO
YOU REALLY SET THIS UP VERY NICELY , PULLED IN THE READY WITH A SERIOUS TONE AND THEN MADE IT HUMOROUS ALTHOUGH iI THINK I WOULD OF LEFT GOD OUT OF IT.
-
I thought that this was pretty funny. I like it when someone makes me laugh to make me feel much better. I do not like poems that are actually sounding like they are psychoanalyzing you. This one is really cool.
-
haha this just about made my afternoon. I clicked on it guessing sourly that it was another one of those "happy-go-lucky-god-loves-us-all-so-cheer-up!" poems, in order to find satire. So thank you, for surprising me and for being different.
I love my cats, but I must say #2 is my favorite. -
Awesome Not sure if it's really satire, but that's how it came across to me. Great work
-
Thank you for sharing. I've taken #4 to heart, #2 has been mine for years. I'd love to see this posted as an add-line, it would end up veryvery long.
-
Lol... hmm, from a chaptered poem to this one - which is quite satirical actually well, it just is satirical
I honestly had to leave with the fifth one here and a nice alliteration you captured with the 'globabl' and 'Gaia' 
Leander -
Here's one "vini vida visa" we came, we saw, we went shopping. Happy trails
-
Well Done. This is a really cute poem, and it is a good laugh, so it should work nicely for those that are really all depressed, all of the time. I agree with one of the comments, as to the fact that poetry is a way that I use to vent when I had a bad day. However, the really bad ones I do not let the world see. (I did learn something from Frost and Dickonson after all!) Maybe those folks don't know that trick.
-
Well Im a cynic,so I actually liked all this all bar number 2 (no Im not from the cat lobby)but the problem i find with statements like this is that it ignores the fact that any pest or top predator we hate and blame for native wildlife extinction was directly or indirectly spread by people- I say it should be
You CAN save wildlife. Kill a human (better still kill a depressed human, they write a plethora of sentimental poetry and are likely to own a cat) -
Number one and two are damm right hilarious lol! I have to stop reading funny stuff now, cos Im at work and customers are looking at me funny when I keep laughing......but I will come back to your stuff later for sure !
-
Never get into a pissing contest with a skunk.
If they don't pay rent to be in your head, why not evict the bastards? -
Clever and cute. I'll bet Edna was proud of you.
-
Indeed, Hungermuncher, you are right. These comforting words will not work for everyone but, even if they reach out to just one poor soul, it will have been worth it.
Edited on Feb 04, 4:51 because 'improvement'. -
Gives us a laugh today - some interetsing comments above - all will take it differently and hopefully with a grain of salt. Can appreciate the sentiments.
-
poor
you see i find what you have written a load of nonsense people suffering from depression don't need advise from people who have felt nothing of what that they have gone through, they need help from people who have been through a similar experience (i speak as someone who has been in that place). i respect what you have tried to achieve but i simply think you have failed
Edited on Feb 03, 4:56 p.m. because 'change of comment'. -
Very Funny & Uplifting!
This is, indeed, uplifting, in it's own way. Glad to know God has a special place in his heart for me!!LOL!!
This is very lighthearted & funny! So much gloom & doom on this site, you are right! This was so refreshing. Got a real good laugh out of it! Love your down to earth point of view!!! Was saving my points, & holding extra applause, in order to promote a poem to my daughter, concerning internet safety, but, I CANNOT hold back my applause on this one. GOOD WORK! 
Susan
-
great! :)
haha! I love that line "God has a special place in this heart of morons" hahahaha! nicely done!
-
Hey, you know what? I've noticed that people are super depressed too. I one of the people that post kinda depressing stuff. I'm not speaking for everyone else, but I usually write when i'm feeling down. And when i'm writing, I exagerate things to make the poem have more of an effect, you know? It helps to vent. I'm not a depressed type of person though. I'm usually upbeat, smiling, and joking around. This is my way of venting, it's probably more or less the same thing with everyone else. But for those you are totaly depressed all the time, I hope this poem has helped them out. It was nice of you to care.
-
This was great he he he... you do make me chuckle Keep it up we all need to laugh more... Im off to kill a cat
-
I've got a couple for you:
'Safest to treat everyone you meet as a distinguished intellectual.'
'What's yours is mine and what's mine's me own.'
'I like children but I can't eat a whole one.'
'Nothing is as bad today as it will be tomorrow.'
Think your number 4 is actually quite true.......! Have a fab day Vic. It's teenage hormonal chaos here, as you know. x debs -
-
Hi, Chills! I've just worked out who you thought you were drinking with, that cold night...He's really on the ball, isn't he?
-
-
Ah, you've met Philogos then?? He's a really great bloke. Very clever and very funny in equal measure. He's also been an invaluable friend for a while. x
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 44 of 44
