I hate this pain
That dwells inside
Inside my mind
Taking over my soul
I hate these emotions
That I can’t identify
The burdens I can’t carry
Always faking my life
I hate these lies
Lies to myself
Am I inherently a liar?
Why can’t I just be myself?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lying there curled up on my bed
Unable to hold back the tears
Crying out the pain in the darkness
Screaming at God to take it all away
Looking for a way out...
Out of my small existence
Off the face of the planet
Wanting to disappear into nothingness
God, why are You doing this?
How can You tell me that You love me
When You allow me to feel all of this pain?
Why can’t You just take it all away?
Pillow stained with fresh tears
Sobbing in my dark room alone
No one around to hear my cries
To hear the pain, see the tears
As I lay there curled in a ball
Feeling my life slip between my fingers
Loosing control of my reality
I realize my true problems
I had opened myself up
To the attacks of the Devil
I had given him the leash to my life
The key to my heart and soul
I had allowed him control
Control over my emotions
I gave him the chance to attack
And he used took that opportunity
Satan, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ who I’ve been saved through the price he paid for my life on Calvary.
Author notes
If you've read either of my last two poems, you know I've gone through a battle tonight. Here's kind of what I went through and how I've gotten over it. 
God bless and thanks for reading. 
Written January 31st, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
This is a wonderful write. I am sorry for your pain just remember God does not cause our pain He just allows it sometimes to make us stronger and to have us turn to Him in our times of trouble. Just remember ALWAYS always keep your eyes focused on HIM and things will always work out and we will overcome. God bless, ~Angel~
Edited on Feb 08, 10:39 p.m. because 'typo'. -
Amen...
I was at the beginning of this poem a few months ago. I also had to come to the realization that it was not God's fault but mine. He was just waiting for me to come to him to fix it. I applaud you for you openess. Everyone needs that in their life. Overall great poem and I am glad that it ended more peaceful than its beginning. -
Jesus loves you!
wow! are you ok??? i mean i have never read this kind of poetry from you. it was a little dark in a way. i understand now that you probably went through an attack from SATAN... but if you ever need to talk to know where to find me!!! this was a very nicely written poem though! nice job!
hope that everything is ok now.. God Bless you!
your sister in CHRIST
-cait -
My friend, I lift you up in most intense prayers and hope you continue to defeat Satan at every turn. Please know I love you dearly and pray for you every day! God bless you
-
This is amazing. I'm so sorry. All I can do is cry, this is so emotional..I've never truly cried because of a poem, this one made me bawl. I wish I could recognize it. This is a great poem, it's so emotional..and I'm still crying. I'm sorry.
-
Amen bro.
I'm sorry you've gone through this,but remember,"Like all else,this too shall pass.."
God loves you...And He does stuff for you..He takes His time,but it get's done...
GOD BLESS...
AMEN
-
so good!!!
Wow Tim, first off, great write. The first 3 stanzas, I swear, that's me, I feel I don't know myself.. anyways, I loved the end, how you switched it to showing how it was Satan and to not let him control you. Just... wow, I'm really speechless actually. The way you used your words to describe how you felt, it was amazing, like I could see you there, just curled up, I felt like I knew how you were feeling, minus the fact that I have had those feelings. Why am I takin all the credit, we all have! lol But yes, I give this a total standing ovation applause, this was a great poem, even gave me a little courage. Now that takes a lot.
*God Bless*
Sarah -
Masterfully brilliant
Wow, and a big Amen to that (awesome revelation and ending). The hardest thing for use as logical beings to realize is what the Holy Word declares, that: "The heart of man is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: Who can know it?"
—Jeremiah 17:9 Even so, it is this sin factor (which keeps us clueless) that keeps us humbly returning to Father of Life/Light, looking into the mirror of His Word for the life of His victory.
gbgm-umc.org/umhistory/wesley/sermons/serm-123.stm
This muse reveals so such courageous strength of honesty, that I'm sure the Lion of the Tribe of Judah will more than answer this heart's pray. Who, on the face of the planet, isn't crippled in some way or another? With earthquakes in divers places, SARS and unknown diseases, unnerving and unhealthy holes in the ozone, and terrorist toying with nations (as Hussein), we desperately need to cry out to God for our weaknesses. Only those who ask will receive, only those who acknowledge will know, and as His word declares: “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him.” James 1:5
Honestly, Sharcu, I admire you in so many ways; and now, even more so. This is a brilliant muse of sorrow, longing for better, and repentance; revealing how so many of us are kept in the dark by the God of this world who blind us (2 Corinthians 4:4). Masterfully and awesomely ascribed, dear one. I’m glad to find you doing better, to the great honour and glory of our Father. Take care.
~*Milly
*~
www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/severeacuterespiratorysyndrome.html
-
i'm glad you remembered God is always there for you, even when it seems he isn't. you sent me this link through a comment to one of my posts and it realy made me think. It makes me think how strong you are for not letting go and how strong i could be if i could hang in there. It realy makes me realise i need to think things through instead of regretting the pain afterwards. This poem is amazing for two reasons 1. to remind you with God ANYTHING i possible and 2. its an inspiration to people like me. great write sharcu
XX tear XX -
I wanted to applaud you
-
Tim this is truely beautiful and what I needed to read. I to am going through a hard time and in everything I do I find fault in my self, if I find happiness I destroy it....I'm glad that you have gone through this battle, it is one of many that you will fight but with friends you can make it through anything, you have showed me that...even if you don't think that you can make it they are there to lift you up and help you through prayer through listening through being themselves. Really beautiful poem. I love the emotion and the flow to it. It's put together well. Like Divine said I am proud that tyou got through this, this battle will make you stronger in this war taht we call a life. Satan loves to destroy what God creates. Yet I know that the friendship that God helped create will not be destroyed, just because of who you are. This poem helped me, whether you meant for it to do that or not it did. Thank you for the poem, for your friendship for all that you have done. I am pround to call you friend. oh and Happy birthday!!!
-
Hey Sharcu, I'm glad you were able to work through this, my prayers were with you and I asked my son to watch over you my friend. REMEMBER! If you have God, you can overcome ANYTHING!!! I mean anything. Love and friendship always, GETS
-
aah!! i haven't been able to get on for a while, so i haven't been able to read much, and i knew you were having a tough time of life, but i didn't know it was THAT tough!!! i'm so glad you got through okay... if you ever feel this way again check out isaiah 43:2. that became one of my favorite verses when i was going through a bad time. it's amazing, though, to look back after God pulls you through a trial and see how he made your faith stronger through those trials. I can't remember exactly where the verse is, but it compares being put through trials to gold being purified through flame. i know you already had an amazing faith in the Lord, and now that he's pulled you through a big trial, you faith will be even stronger. you will find who you are, whether it's who you though you were or not. (anyways, back to the poem...) excellent write. really. i feel like i can sense a sort of back-and-forth kinda feeling. you express you emotions so well, tim. i really like the transition of emotions... from absolute depression and hopelessness, to being angry with yourself, to realizing that God is with you, and that last part in the italics just makes it all. there's so much strength and... what's the word... triumph there we go . you're an amazing writer, and friend. i'd tell you that i'm always here, but a) that'd be really corny (even if it's true ) and
i rarely get to talk to you anyway, which would make always being there for you rather complicated. Anyways, great write, and i'm glad God brought you through.
aleicia
-
hmmm... first reaction would b pissation (did anyone tell me anything?!) .... but nah. i love you too much to do that. so next reaction is : wat happened?! i new somthing was up...havent been acting ur usual self...or is this ur usual self?! how can anyone no...?! anyways... ya, since ur lying to urself... heh. seems like not even u no. 'and it hurts, when u need me, and i cant break ur fall, it hurts, when u cant c...and it hurts. and it hurts when ur lonely, and im standing right besides u ther, and it hurt when u told me that ud try this on ur own...' yet again i tell u, u can confide in me... im always here.... i admire ur faith. God has made u an incredible person, and i am blessed to know u. I've been praying for u, and im so glad to hear that He has delivered you!!! nice emotion displayed...*sigh* i no those nights.... im just so glad ur thru it!! (for now anyways...)
God is here no matter what, u can always turn to Him...'Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand' (a verse that i cant remember the reference too )
mushy -
Sharcu, God is your only way out of this torment. He allows it but does not put it on us. Perhaps He wants to see where you will turn. Always turn to God. Remember, there is a wonderful place waiting for us on the other side. Shancy.
-
Wow, my friend, that is some real stuff going on there. God's been doing some radical stuff in my life as well. I'm having a really hard time dealing with it. But, through HIS strength, I can deal with it and smile another day. But the last two nights I've cried myself to sleep and I'm sure once I get through with my bed time prayers tonight, I'll so the same again. God bless, my friend, and be well. HE is faithful!
-
I'm proud of you. For holding on, and getting through it. Its hard to see the light sometimes, but everything happens for a reason. Satan's annoying, isn't he? he's like a bad little kid. he tried to get me just now, because I typed out a nice long comment for ya, and somehow, it just didn't get posted. You think I would be used to that by now Honestly though, everytime I have something important to say, somehow the net just stops working for a split second Ah well, good thing my Jesus knows everything, and if He's told me what to say once, He can surely do it again. I admire your spirit. I recognize God in you, and thats refreshing. I'm so happy that you did what you need to do to get rid of him. I'm not sure why, but I was halfway surprised, I guess because some people just kind of let things happen and let him stay because they either don't know that they can stop him, or are too afriad to try. he'll do his best to catch your tongue right as the words are on their way out.
Whatever happens, know that you're blessed. You're special. He loves you, He hears you, but I think sometimes we don't see that God has already made a way. I used to get really upset when things would happen that I couldn't control, and I would pretty much cuss God out about it. Then one day He was just like 'Georgi...I already told you how to fix that, if you would just do it, things would be fine.' and then I was just kind of like 'Oh...oops, guess I wasn't listening.' Its a good thing He loves us no matter what, or I'd sure be doomed Whether or not we realize it, we have power over everything in this world. That's a pretty cool though huh? What would things be like if everyone knew that? Satan'd be out of a job.
I'm proud of you for not letting the fear get you, not letting the pain become so great you can't think, for having enough faith to do away with the bad. he'll do his best to catch your tongue before you can get the words out. Good thing Daddy Jesus is around to clean up our messes
Always praying for you,
-Georgi
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
12 old applause
