I am firm in field but have no other choice
I hem before you to clear my voice
everything gets useless kind words cursed
with coming into sight, world gets dispersed
you have prepared chicken for dinner and rice
may the night be long and moonrise twice
deadly black snakes that creep on white
thanks to the scarf so that they may bite
species of flowers with beauty and affection
is the thorny rose with a special attraction
without worldly care, caring for good and bad
one in love with me is to be labelled as mad.
Author notes
Written January 31st, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Thankings
Thankyou for the nice comment Raven in White. -
loved it. brilliant use of language to create beautiful imagery and emotion. very heart felt. i like your rhyming, its nice because its not forced and makes the poem flow well. well done. keep it up. WR xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Rhyming like this!
1-I 2-am 3-firm 4-in 5-field 6-but 7-have 8-no 9-o 10-ther 11-cho 12-ice
1-I 2-hem 3-be 4-fo 5-re 6-you 7-to 8-cle 9-ar 10-my 11-vo
12-ice -
My Dear Monimac! I have chosen neither form for rhythm ,I think you are talking about the rhyming form. That is my own way of rhyming by counting sound or syllubie system.
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Nicely done
This was nicely done. You have incorporated some good imagery throughout. The rhyming was on key, and the meter was mostly good. However, I think I too am at a loss in terms of which of the four forms you chose to write.
Thank you for taking the time to enter, and WELCOME once more!
Best wishes always,
Stacy
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Excellent
What wonderful vivid imagery you have used in this. I like the form you have written it in but I am not a contest judge. The ever so slight unevenness goes wonderfully with the idea you are conveying in the piece. Splendid job. -
Thankyou very much Mr.Vickie J for commenting . This is Lyrics in couplet form now where shall I have to write that.
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This is a nicely written entry. Be sure to post which form you selected along with the poem you commented on into your author's comment box. Nice to see you here on the site~welcome!~vj
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I am thankful to you and happy as being an experienced poet you have commented on my writing.
Edited on Feb 02, 4:57 p.m. because ''. -
Hi!
This is just gorgeous.
It has most of the jumps just right, but changes here and there.
Were this mine, although word change is not what I suggest, maybe juggle more so that the meter is at least consistent througout. Counting syllables is most helpful.
Did you mean to choose the iambic meter?
*According to the rules you must post that at the bottom of your poem where you typed it.
thank you so much and welcome to the site! Warmly,
CookieZeal
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