by ~Gregg Rowe~
Sunshine days rise me up with devil’s pain
After I dream white unicorns with wings
In my head Nirvana’s universe sings
Come conscious face existence with eyes’ rain
The day will come when we toast raise champagne
And spiritual bells will kneel -- clang -- ring
A prince has followed his road becomes king
Released devil’s pain breaks bonds and chains
sterilized chrome room
light cascades etherized soul
blood red moon I fly
On my unicorn let us fly to Rome
Mythologist reading – reciting Boehm
My canonical writings are my tomb
My journey’s road finally leads me home
My days are final, weary to roam
I will return to mother nature’s womb
Author notes
Definitions of Boehm:
noun: German mystic and theosophist who founded modern theosophy; influenced George Fox (1575-1624)
www.rhymezone.com/r/d?u=boehm
Definitions of theosophy:
noun: belief based on mystical insight into the nature of God and the soul
www.rhymezone.com/r/d?u=theosophy&loc=fdef
Gregorian Sonnaiku (How To Write This New Form—Learning Column)
by lordoftherings on Feb 05, 2005
allpoetry.com/Column/1043872
Gregorian Sonnaiku
A Collection by lordoftherings
allpoetry.com/list/12396
Written January 30th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- FEELS ALMOST LIKE *MAGIC* - Prewrites allowed by bellarosa.
350 points, ended March 23, 2006, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ugly Faces Are Deceiving by FunnelWaxFate.
525 points, ended November 24, 2006, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1011 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
This was [very] hard to read - while i LOVE the background [i love unicorns
], with the tiles, it made it almost impossible to read - had to highlight the text which is irritating, perhaps consider a change...
Onto the poem itself ,thank you for having such explicitly described author notes, they really helped to interpret the poem.
I thought the middle section,
"sterilized chrome room
light cascades etherized soul
blood red moon I fly"
was the strongest part, particularly the blood red moon <-- very visual writing!
Thank you for entering
-
Incredible, very unique and fascinating write. The style is superb and it flows beautifully. Nicely done.
-
ok, i just read this after highlighting the text...i don't think nirvana is an entertainment place, it certainly is a thought provoking idea but i don't know if it is right for this contest. just a note for you if you are going to use this as a prewrite in the future you should probably make the background simpler so the words are easier to read.
thanks so much for entering!
Serena -
i'm sorry, i can't read this because of the background (though it is pretty), my eyes just can't focus at all, can you change it? -serena
-
Edna my Sweetlove: You are correct, just a mistype on the keyboard...again...sigh...
Thanks for the pick-up on typo.
gregg
happy World Poet,s Day
-
Very beautifully written, great flow and rhyme. Wonderful imagry and flow. A truly excellent piece of writing. Great job!
keep your pen flowin. -
I don't know why but I was feeling this poem. I was reading it and I just got lost in it in a good way. Had a certain something that just took me away for a few brief moments.
Nice work. -
Do you mean Nirvana? The background is pretty but it makes reading the text very nearly impossible - at least for me.
-
yet another form, I have yet to try much less conquer. Very interesting.
-
what a fascinating form! And a befittingly fine poem!
-
This poetry is so umaginitive...and defintly very, very pretty. I love the background! I can't even comment on it, since I know it holds great meaning to you. All I can say is its beautiful, and you have an incredible way with words. Good Job, and keep up the good work!
Julz~~~ -
"Sunshine days rise me up with devil’s pain
After I dream white unicorns with wings
In my head Narvina’s universe sings
Come conscious face existence with eyes’ rain"
This is awesome. I love the sense of imagery this holds. Beautiful write it's amazing. And so powerful.
-
“Victory Gin” has co-opted me as a judge of this competition. I propose, over this weekend, to read and critique all entries individually, sending them seriatim to the poets in question, and then to write a summing up of my impressions of the competition as a whole which I shall send to Victory Gin’s “Sonneteers” group.
However, regarding this entry, I know that “Victory Gin” was prepared to consider a fairly wide range of variations and innovations of the sonnet form – but sticking a senryu in the middle is surely going too far!
I have so many other entries to critique that I really cannot spare the time to analyse this one, which I do NOT consider to be a sonnet!
-
I know that part of this is reality and part dream, but you blend them together in a varied and colourful scene. The haiku in the middle distills the previous part, it seems, leaving you free to jump further in the sestet. Good work with this Gregg, good luck to you.
-
Will: I have already three chapbboks published and the chapbook titled Pems for My Mother has a collection of my Sonnaiku I especially penned for her:
Sonnet Sequences 1- 7: What I Dream (Italian Gregorian Sonnaiku Crown)
by lordoftherings on Feb 12, 2005
allpoetry.com/Poem/1056683
Gregg
Edited on Jan 31, 1:10 because ''. -
wow dude im impressed keep it up, you should make a book, or do you already have a book out?
-will -
Odd style, but it seems to work for you. The picture is gorgeous. Good job.
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
3 old applause
