I lay on the hillside amongst the tall grass,
thinking of the time since my father has passed.
The ol' oak tree has grown so tall,
this is the spot where we use to throw ball.
I miss those days, oh I miss them so...
It was such a hard time for me to let go.
To see him now would do me much good,
I haven't visited him like I know I should.
I walked to the bus stop just down the street,
the bus driver told me "sixty cents for a seat".
I reached deep in my pockets to only find a dime;
the driver said "No, have the right change next time".
Then he drove off and left me standing at the curb,
I whispered softly "I'll pay later, I give you my word".
I sit on bench located near the street,
with face in my hands, I began to weep..
"I just want to see my father, and only have a dime,
fifty cents is all I need, to catch the bus next time".
That very moment, there was a ring from a payphone;
looking around, I was all alone.
Wiping tears from my eyes, I answer the call;
listen for a moment..not a sound at all.
"Hello" I say, "anyone there"?
Still, not a sound..only that of air.
After a short pause, a voice did emerge;
"Check the coin return, for this you deserve"..
"I love you son, it's been a long time"..
Then the phone went silent, there was no one on line.
I hung up the phone and I felt really glad,
because the voice that I heard, was so much like my dad.
I look down the road and see the bus is on time,
I quickly reach in the coin return,
just to find a quarter,
three nickels,
and a dime.
.
Author notes
Written January 30th, 2006
by: driftwood/Gary Boykin
(missing dad)
A contest entry
- 46-50 ages enter your best prewrite Judged by RedwingSpirit.
750 points, ended January 18, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let's Make Magic! by stylization.
800 points, ended April 26, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Looking for true inspiration by unanswered.
550 points, ended June 16, 2008, 38 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your very best!!!! Tons of points! by God is my reality.
1450 points, ended November 24, 254 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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This is a great write. I have lost my dad so this was a joy for me to read. It was a great story you have told here. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.
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What a great story. Deeply emotional and well penned. Best wishes and thank you for entering my contest.
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A great write. thanks so much for entering! I agree with Systems Malfunction in that the rhyme only got better as the poem progressed. I'll consider this for a silver/gold, thanks for entering and best of luck!
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Ahh, great write, they do look over us.. thank you for sharing you favorite with me. Best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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Wow this is awesome I love it. Thank you for entering in to my contest. I wish you the best of Luck.
RedwingSpirit
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This was well written and emotionally charged. In the beginning the rhyme didn't seem to want to be there but near the middle and too the end it was exceptional. Good luck in the contest!
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Very wonderfully written, loved the thoughts contained and the flow and feel are great. Excellent work! Keep your pen forever flowing!
Bunny
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Tell 'em what they won, Bob!
That was both tear-jerkingly beautiful and cutely witty at the same time - very nice work. The poetry I like best is that which evokes an emotional response and yours definitely fits the bill . . . -
I loved this poem. It is so touching and yet, reminds us that even though a loved one is no longer with us physically, they are still with us in our hearts. Great job!
Edited on May 03, 5:31 p.m. because ''. -
i pictured a homeless son who wanted to visit his father's grave so much that his father called from the next world to give him the money. your words showed the entire story perfectly. very nicely done
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this is a wonderful piece, I thoroughly enjoyed the storyline and found the construction of the piece to be quite sound from a rhyme and rhythm standpoint. Very nicely done.
Rory -
wow, a miracle is what i call this, this was so well done, and I am glad that this person got to talk to his father, thanks for sharing, keep up the awesome poetry...
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this is such an amazing poem. you show your inner strength and faith. i loved this. i started to cry when i read this because it reminds me of when i lost my grandpas. it's great how you still have faith. i think you did an absolutely amazing job on this. good luck in the contest. your poem is amazing.
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i've read this one before... but i just couldnt resist reading it again... it did make me cry the first time i read it... because my boyfriend can never see his father... he died six years ago... and it's the only thing that will make him cry. love it
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cool
I like this poem! It's really good, I like the story that is being told. Good job and good luck!
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WOW! oh this is so beautiful, one of ma favz! am extremely impressed lol kk i am goin to check out the link
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that was cute made me smile
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That is so coool. I like how you seem so very optomistic. I don't remember ever reading a sad poem from you that didn't have an ending that tied up all the loose ends. I also like the twist in the end in that he got the money from the pay phone. Write on.
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Awesome Write !!
I found this piece to be very interesting and unique. There were no breaks in flow or meter. The rhyme does not feel forced. The title calls to the reader. I immediately wanted to know what this poem was all about. Punctuation is excellent; made it easier to read. The background and the color of the font are easy on the eyes. I will be coming back to read more of your work. I love the way this poem plays out. It is both sad and joyful and it exemplifies the love between a father and son. I reallllllllllly enjoyed this !!!!
Debby -
A few typos and/or spelling /grammatical errors, but nothing that can't be fixed up to turn a good write into a great one. Lovely sentiments excellently and clearly expressed ... you draw the reader into your mind and heart so effortlessly. Well done.
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I think that you meant for the apostrophe on 'ol' to be after the word, not before. Other than that, great poem! The last line really connected everything together. Keep up the good work!
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touching
Goddess this made me feel so much!! This is just an amazing piece, so full of phrases that I can picture the moment...I can't even say enough good things about this poem. it reminds me of those really great country tunes that sometime occur, ones that tell a tale and trenscend the genre, I am simply in love with this, I really am...You certainly brought a tear, and a smile.
Romhain -
Excellent
Awesome, beautiful write, I loved it through and through. -
just read one of yours and now this, and i'm stuck on which one i loved more and i do mean love. you have an amazing talent here and draw the readers into your poems. this is great!
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nice thrill i got when he heard his dad on the phone...a great story, well written
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Lovely ending to this poem - waited for it to come so he could see his dad - very well written, many emotions passed to us through your words.
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A+++++++++++++++++++
I think ur gonna end up with all my applauses today, I sit here still amazed, thinking i should read a book of your writes soon some day, and then i can sayhey, i read these before on my website. You are such a great writer. You capture my imagination immediately. I can picture everything as i read, i have no words now...... Keep penning -
this is neat-o. lol and yes I said neat-o. I really liked how you set this up, and the imagery was so clear and perfect. greatgreat job and good luck. _~ The Shadow ~_
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Another amazing write,I was very surprized by the twist of the call from the payphone!A well deserved win my ap friend,do please keep up with your ingenuity,you have a wonderful imagination,always revealing something uplifting as within this write.Well done,love and light,Yvette
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Brilliant write mate, I loved your use of words in this and the picture you set in my mind. You descibed it so well that I could picture it in my head as I was reading.
Great write again.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
Martin -
this is so beautiful. The imagery in the is so obviously there it is so cool and so sad.
darkinocenceangel -
at first I was a bit concerned on where you were going with this. it turned out very nice though. very nice write, and best of luck.
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This is an amazing wonderful piece.I love it a lot.
Shahrzad -
wow this was a wonderful write.
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i love it!
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Excellent
Why must all of these be so GOOD?! I can't stop wanting to read more! lol Again, this is an excellent story, and all of them have been so close to making me cry. I can feel the tears tugging at me. Great job.
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You are truely gifted my friend. This is beautiful. I feel honored to add you to my favorites. God has blessed you well.
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I really love your work it is so discriptive. It really speaks. Now I don't know if you know what I mean when I say speak but what I am basically trying to say is that though they are epic...story freeverse. They still have that poetry rythmn. That beat. It could be a confessional in a church or a memory of what you may have wanted to happen, had happen or dreamt had happened or was going to happen but in the end it is all so real and being so close to reality. It speaks to those who have a similar situation in their own realities. Great Work.
Always pen from the heart and you shall never write wrong!
~SongByrd ~
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The rhythm is a little off here and there, especially at the very end, but the rhyme is excellent, and the story is superb! I am impressed with the idea of getting money from a pay phone sent by your dead father. That, to me, is very creative and unexpected. I just assumed some kind stranger would pony up the necessary change, but this way was worlds better. This poem is a little childish, but it's very charming, and extremely creative. Good job! - oce
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Thank you...I'm so glad you ended up liking this write by the time you got to the end... I appreciate your comment very much. If you did like this and have the time, you should check out the one I wrote right after that one called "The "ol House", I'm sure you'll enjoy that one also. Please let me know. Thank you agian. Gary
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that was amazing
i like how it ends
and can understand
what this poem all means
and at the start
i didn't think i'd like it
but you just did an outstanding job
in the end
-david-
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