{Jay speaking}
You just popped in
Jay's Workout Tape(the pretape)
So now follow these instructions
And you'll be fit in no time
Let's Get Started
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuck your tummy tight
Do those sit ups right
Eat that salad, no dessert
Get rid of that fat you insert
Now breath, 1, 2, 3, and 4
Get up off the floor
Do all these jumping jacks
To remove the fat off your back
Do two hundred push ups
No talking, shut up
There is no debate
Let's get rid of your weigh
Don't tell me your tired
Your bodies aren't even wired
So do more crunches
And a lot less lunches
Make no corrections
Follow directions
Then maybe you'll be
More like the ones you see
{Lindy speaking}
Hi, my name is Linda. And thanks to Jay's Workout Tape, I lost 168 pounds and now I look better than ever. Now my ex wishes he would have kept me instead of his he-she looking girlfriend. So thanks Jay!
{Benny}
Hello, I'm Benny. And because of Jay's Workout Tape, I lost over 250 pounds. Now I can bend over to tie my own shoes without running out of breath. Thanks Jay!
{Nick}
My name is Nick and thanks to Jay's Workout Tape, I lost 190 pounds and met my lovely wife Jenny who was way over-weight. She was HUGE! So she too used Jay's Workout Tape.
{Jenny}
Yes, that's right. I'm Jenny and I lost 239 thanks to Jay's Workout Tape. Now I don't have anyone asking me if my mama is half hippo. Thanks Jay!
{Mandy}
Thanks to Jay's Workout Tape, I lost 133 pounds. I'm allowed to date outside the family. I own a double wide. And I can fit in a plane. Thanks Jay!
{Jay}
You see what this tape did for others and it'll do it for you. So buy Jay's Workout Tape Volumes 1-2006 for the price of $2,000 each and become physically fit in no time! A big welcome in advance.
Yours truly, Jay!
Author notes
Kanye West's song "The New Workout Plan" was my muse.
Written January 29th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- All sizes and shapes welcome! Come take a gander and have fun! by debsdelight.
300 points, ended April 4, 2006, 3 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
-
I'm glad that you like it. Hopefully you'll tell all of your friends about.
~Jay~ -
Thank you very much for the comment. And feel free to try out my workout tape for yourself or give it to someone who really needs it.
-
hehe i love it. I got a good chuckle out of it. I like the part about Nick and Jenny the best. Reach for the stars hunn, and never stop writting.
Much love,
Shannyn -
See what's possible when you use my tape. LOL! Thanks for the comment.
-
This is AMAZING. I'll bookmark it. ROFLMFAO. Good work. "Now I can fit in a plane!!!"
-Sasha. -
LOL! Thank you. And don't forget to buy the 2006 volumes.
Edited on Apr 01, 1:06 p.m. because 'Queen of Typos'. -
My God, think I just lost 28LB's just reading this! LOL Really funny stuff here. Loved it. Well done and good luck in my contest. Debs x
-
Thank you.
-
LOL this is funny great job sis... haha
-
LOL! Well I'm happy to hear that you are in good shape. However I'm sure you have some friends that don't so get them to buy my tape. LOL! J/K! And thanks for the comment.
Take care and have a nice time dear friend...just keep it up...your humble little....
...
... -Jay {who else?}
-
4 Stars ****
hi Jay, nice friend
...
I havnt heard the song by kanye west, but i guess i will get it soon.. by the way your poem was very good, i havnt read such a poem on AP.. lol. it was funny... but I think i weight 60 Kilograms and thats perfect for a guy of my age 
... still i loved this poem.. it gave me lotsa chuckles
take cares and have a nice time my dear friend... just keep it up... your humble little friend.... ... .... .... - vic ( who else? )
-
I will be sure to do that. Thanks for reading!
-
Thanks! I get the little humor I have from you, so that means the thing that is truly brilliant is YOU!
-
hmm...hey sis! I see you have started a work out tape! that is so great! HAHA! way good though! HEHE! I haven't talked to you in soo long! I have like a bunch of new poems up as well as a book started...so you will have to check that out for me k! Love you sis~*~Always~*~Jamie
-
Brilliant
Jay this is brilliant.. I love it,, am out of breath reading it lol -
Well I'm BETTER than Chuck Norris! But thanks for the comment.
~Jay~ -
Very Funny!
Very Funny indeed. Even though I don't own a tape of Jay's I have seen several by others and have even tried one by Chuck Norris!!!!!ROFLMAO
-
Hey, my weigh loss tape isn't a rip off! LOL! Glad I made you laugh since we are the type of people that don't laugh often. Thanks!
-
Funny! :P :))
lol Damn, Jay, $2,000 per tape... That's expensive and a rip off!
Very funny write. I enjoyed it. It made me laugh, which as you know and can probably relate, is a rarity. Excellent poem. 
- Andi -
Money please! LOL!
-
Ok, but I want my money before the end of the month. LOL! Thanks for your comment.
-
Yeah, I love that song. It makes me laugh. Thanks for the comment.
-
Welcome. So thought I should write something that'll make so laugh instead of feeling sad or disguised for once. ~Jay~
-
LOL! Well then I must selfishly say, I'm glad you don't have that kind of money. Because I would hate not having here on AP!
~Jay~ -
Hehe, tape please.
Samantha xxx -
I needed some humor after reading that last one. You provided that for me. So let me applaud you and consider it an advance payment on a future tape(lol).
Ted E -
Ahhh... okay, just saw your Author's Comment...lol, I was gonna say "this sounds A LOT like a song by Kanye West", it was cool though; funny too.
-
Thanks for this because the flip side is always hip.
-
LMAO!!! What the hell?? $2,000 each??? if I had that kind of money I wouldn't be on AP that's for sure! very funny write, good job Jay...
-
Thanks for the comment. I appreciate it.
-
hey this is really good and i loved it keep it up!!!!!!! you are a great writer keep it up!!!!!!!! thanx for sharing this with all of us here at allpoetry.......really enjoyed the read
love ya
~~*becca*~~
ziez
you are a great writer and this is a great write!!!!
keep up the great and awesumly awesum work!!!!!!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 31 of 31
6 old applause
