She sheltered me from the sun's heat,
and helped me in the face of defeat.
And when I fell, she helped me rise,
and then gave a new vision to my eyes.
And when I thought all was ended,
it was then that this angel descended.
I was swept away to the ocean's core,
but then she got me back to shore.
And as she fought against each tide,
I soon found myself by her side.
Sucked in the quicksand of sorrow,
it was she who showed me a tomorrow.
She put my blood back inside my veins,
and wiped out all melancholy stains.
And when I thought all was ended,
it was then that this angel descended.
Whenever I laughed, she knew I cried,
she could read the masks when I lied.
And through life's turmoils I raced away,
and it was she who showed me the day.
My words are not enough to express,
it's only my heart that can bless.
I grew up under this very shade,
and with all her timely aid.
And when I thought all was ended,
it was then that this angel descended.
And when I'm down, when I'm scared
I know that soon all will be repaired.
For I have a living god by my side,
and soon these tears will be dried.
My life's wheels are now in motion,
I am out of sorrow's deep ocean.
And I must not forget to thank today,
the torch that showed me the way.
For when I thought all was ended,
it was then that this angel descended.
Author notes
Section 1- Option 4.
Written for my sister....who helped me when I really needed help.
This is what she had written for me-
allpoetry.com/Poem/1773863
Written January 28th, 2006
A contest entry
- Naughty or Heartfelt? by Radiant Eclipse12.
610 points, ended October 21, 2006, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - wrte a poem by Animals Rule123.
450 points, ended November 23, 2006, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sibling Love by Abidoodle333.
700 points, ended April 28, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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this is finaminal
Great job and thanx for entering
Abidoodle
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Hey thanks.
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Thanks. And I'm so sorry about the author's comments....I was in such a rush to thank you for thanking you for allowing pre-writes.
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Beutiful and a wonderful tribute, I only have to ask one thing my friend, if you could in your authors box include "miracles happen every day", please? thanks, wonderful entry, and best of luck!
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thanks.
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She sheltered me from the sun's heat,
and helped me in the face of defeat.
And when I fell, she helped me rise,
and then gave a new vision to my eyes.
And when I thought all was ended,
it was then that this angel descended. This stanza alone would make a beautiful poem all by itself. Very nicely written.
I was swept away to the ocean's core,
but then she got me back to shore.
And as she fought against each tide,
I soon found myself by her side. Working side by side and depending upon one another. That is what I got out of this stanze. Very nice.
Sucked in the quicksand of sorrow,
it was she who showed me a tomorrow.
She put my blood back inside my veins,
and wiped out all melancholy stains.
And when I thought all was ended,
it was then that this angel descended. I liek the back and forth rythym you have going on with your stanza's. It makes the flow smooth.
Whenever I laughed, she knew I cried,
she could read the masks when I lied.
And through life's turmoils I raced away,
and it was she who showed me the day. Very good way of putting your words in this stanza. One thing, I don't really think there sould be an AND in the last sentence, but that is just me.
My words are not enough to express,
it's only my heart that can bless.
I grew up under this very shade,
and with all her timely aid.
And when I thought all was ended,
it was then that this angel descended. I love the repeat of the last two sentences in every other stanza. Very nicely done there.
And when I'm down, when I'm scared
I know that soon all will be repaired.
For I have a living god by my side,
and soon these tears will be dried. Interesting way of putting your gratitude. This really stood out to me.
My life's wheels are now in motion,
I am out of sorrow's deep ocean.
And I must not forget to thank today,
the torch that showed me the way.
For when I thought all was ended,
it was then that this angel descended. Beautifully written. Great and excellent usuage of words.
Keep up the great work. Congrats you've made it to round 2. Kahy
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thank-you for your entry a lovely piece well done.
angel. -
This is a beautiful and touching poem... Well done
Thankyou for entering and good luck...
~Ash~ -
Thanks for entering my contest,I like your poem keep writting.Brandy3
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Thanks Kira. This poem means a lot to me.
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Wow...thats just....wow...i dont know what to say...WOW!!
thanx for entereing
Wow... -
You're welcome dear. What could be better than the fact that my poetry is actually helping somebody.
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this really opens my eyes and reminded me of how i truely felt about someone. Now, i am assured that no matter how far apart we are, she will always be there for me. I know this probraly isn't appropiate, but thank you... I really enjoyed your piece.
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she's my sister.
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this is far more astonishing..but now i wont be reading more i will feel damn jealous of your works and humiliated at mine..may you and your angel never part company..i guess she is ur mom.anyways good luck
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muah..i love you a lot.....
thats all i can say.....i'm crying like a baby -
Udit,
This is beautifully written... a lovely tribute to your sister... it's well structured, well rhymed and meter seems within constraints... what I liked the most is that it's written straight from heart... I wish you very good luck in the contest...
mina
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This is very nice. The rhymes are good, the flow is good... This piece is very emotional and shows your feelings towards your sister. Great job and again, good luck in my contest. <3 Christina
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Udit.very nice poem, flowed through, nice structure, keep up the great work and good luck
aunt Linda -
crystaldust 28-01-06 10:40
I like this. You celebrate a sister you love in words which carry the emotions along and in rhymed metre to keep it moving.I don't know the form but the alternating 8/9 beats suits the thoughts too. The final couplets are very strong and effective. Really good write. Best of luck in the contest. Joy
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