Here I am, standing on the brink
You‘re the one who drove me down this route
Is it really such a stretch to think
That you don’t know what you’re talking about
I feel insanity creeping up
It’s gonna attack me in the night
Why did you push me in this rut?
Why do you still insist you’re right?
Is your satisfaction really worth more
Than the destruction you constantly cause me
Pushing me deeper into the floor
Keeping me from what I wanted to be
Then you call me the defiant one
And ramble about the happiness cost
I don’t want to work, I want have fun
It’s not your way so you seem to think I’m lost
I’m going to escape this whirlpool
Dragging us all down below
Someday people will stop calling me a fool
When they see I’m the first one to glow.
Why are you so shallow?
Why don’t you see the other side?
Behind the makeup and pricey clothes?
Why can’t you see what’s inside?
Am I just the only crazy one?
Doesn’t anyone see
The torrents that are draggin’ us under,
Far, far under the sea.
I’ve tried to pull you out,
But I can’t seem to get through.
Maybe I’m not what you’re looking for,
Maybe all you want is you.
You can’t find the source of identity
Hidden so deep in your soul.
Why do you still take the dive,
Still hoping you’ll come up whole?
A contest entry
- please understand me now by forced perfection.
450 points, ended May 6, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
hey
Sorry I judged this contest so late. I had a million and one things to do.
The message you are trying to send out is quite good. It definitely is a more original poem than the most poems that entered this contest, I’m glad with that.
Is your satisfaction really worth more
Than the destruction you constantly cause me
Pushing me deeper into the floor
Keeping me from what I wanted to be
You can’t find the source of identity
Hidden so deep in your soul.
Why do you still take the dive,
Still hoping you’ll come up whole?
I think these two stanza’s are really good. Though, the others sometimes seemed to be forced into riming a lot.
I really think this is one of the first that didn’t remind me of all the teenage innocence poems I’ve wrote. I’m really glad with that.
Thank you for entering my contest.
Love & peace
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I like it
I relate to this poem. its good -
The last line is the only one throughout the poem which speaks a positive tone and paints a hopeful tinge on an otherwise despairing muse which pours your heart out for the subject in the proper perspective...cheers
All the best in the contest Shubs
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I think it's good, especially for a rhyming poem... usually they sound weird if they're written badly, but thi sone was great!
-Spike
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