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First Date (revised)

A black pearl, lost deep in the sea
Waiting for someone just like me
But it took a long time for me to see

Drifting alone, you whimper, you cry
Wishing that you would only die
And you look up into the meaningless sky

The first time I really looked into your eyes
I only heard from deep mournful cries
And I felt that you were the one sent from the skies

I took you in my arms and held you
But my heart belonged to someone else too
And I told you we might make this through

As days go by, we grow apart
But I still hold you deep in my heart
I knew that you were special from the start

Then my first love broke me
Tiny pieces I couldn't even see
And it was you who set me free

But then she came back
And I couldn't help it to take her back
For strength to move on I did lack

I led you to believe that we could be a pair
But this life thing is often unfair
But I sit here and act like I don't care

Again you're just lost and alone
I tried calling you on the phone
But your answering machine is only a scornful moan

I told you goodbye, for she was my mate
But deep down in my heart, I only hate
Now when will it be our first date?

Author notes

ya i dunno, i hope this sounds ok.
Written January 27th, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

  • EgyptianEyez
    January 28, 2006
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    Wow! Very very VERY nicely written! I love the way you wrote it and the rhyming was incredible. But, my favorite part was the emotion. You made it so completely realistic that I felt everything you were saying as if I was going through this. it brought on a sadness to my heart and made me want to somehow change it. Very beautiful write and well worth the read > Thank you so much for entering my contest and even more for deciding to share it at all.


  • Camlek
    January 28, 2006
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    A few forced rhymes in there which take away from the story. Maybe play around with some of the lines for example instead of 'My strenght too weak, too black' try 'Enough strenght I did lack' or something along those lines. Good effort though and thanks for commenting on my poem Cerebral Death! Good luck with the two people featured in this piece xxx

  • tragediey-stricken
    January 27, 2006
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    great

    This was really good. I would not change a thing. it also had a nice flow to it.