its only alcohol.

not clothes
not activities
not hair
not music
not clubs
not interests

but still

its all another form
a form of pressure
your peer pressure pushes
pushes me to be
to be who?
to be who im not.

its only a sip.
just try it.
youll get used to it.
its only alcohol.
youll like it.

and its true.
i did like it.
but i wasnt going to.
i was going to abstain.
i was going to die
knowing i never gave in.

but i gave in.
just like that.
with out any resistence.
i didnt feel bad.
i felt like i belonged.
like i was part of the gang.
and now im not.

im going to go back
back to being the outsider
but this time
i will be an outsider with something extra.

i will be an outsider with self loathing.

Author notes

this is rambling, unedited, prose taken out of paragraphs, then reassembled into stanzas of sorts. in short, its not actually poetry and it sucks ass and i realize this. i just want to rant at a larger audience than my lj will reach.
so please excuse this pile of shit offering and just get off my back.

and please realize that im not pushing this on my friends. im the one who fucked up. they didnt make me.
Written January 26th, 2006