I got a call,
You had better come quick,
It's Nan,
She stopped breathing, shes unresponsive.
In one moment,
my whole world came down.
My mentor,
took the train to heaven.
The machines they breathed for her,
No response did she make,
Her warm hands I would hold,
Her beautiful gray hair just the way it always was.
Hardest thing of all,
we knew she wasn't there,
so off went the machines,
For days, she held on.
It was late,
I got a call,
She's gone,
Nan took her last breath.
Her soul now at piece,
my heart has shattered.
Who will teach me all the things,
you haven't taught me yet.
I want so much to hear you voice,
I want to sit and talk to you,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hug you and give you one last kiss good-bye.
Nan, up above,
send me your love,
I need you so,
I am empty without you.....
Author notes
Be critical, but easy, this poem was written out of pain, and extreme sorrow.
Written January 25th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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very deep and touching poem. it is really sad
I am sorry for your loss. keep it up
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I want so much to hear you voice,
I want to sit and talk to you,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hug you and give you one last kiss good-bye.
off course it is the cry of the deep and loveful heart which is trying to word the pain through a poem as well.The thoughts are very heartfelt and stating the bitter truth of the life here in this work.The flow of this work is very impressive and just to the point too.I really appreciate this work.prabhudayal khattar
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i feel you should put this part in quotations, like:
"You had better come quick,
It's Nan,
She stopped breathing, shes unresponsive."
also put an apostrophe in 'shes' as 'she's' since you put one in 'It's'.
"I want so much to hear you voice,"
'you' should be 'your'.
the last line, with the continuous ellipses (....) should be only 2-3 anymore is unnecessary.
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this reminds me of a poem i wrote for my Grandmother back in 2004 4 days after my parents 30th Anniversary and 4 days before my b-day .. what timing. but at least she went in her sleep, that's the way i would want to go, so i can't be in dreams forever.
you have a nice piece, could use a cleanup but in such regard perhaps it's best that it stays the same (minus the errors I point out above and the suggestion of quotations)
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