Turning eyes
Towards wayward demise
She cries every night
Tha she awakes to a new day
Thin shades of blue
Fall well upon her face
A disgrace to common grounds
Encased, her world around
When she frowns
Just another daily tactics routine
The machine shovels on
Pumping life and digging graves
When she smiles
For a while by foolish means
She screams to herself
("You see, you have not forgotten how")
Still a reminder she writes in blood
Forever embedded in her thigh
An anti-climactic stability
She pays the price but dines for free
A solemn sip of wine from the cup
Tart and full of sorrow
Tomorrow (she lies)
"This stuff gets better with age"
In all, rather melancholy
Her pains aren;t so sound
Yet into the firm clay she beats herself
Drug allong and tumbled
Like entrails of slain desire
Waiting for a savior
With shining armor technologies
Chivalrous philosophies
And a re-defined cost of rugged features
She's waiting and whining
A pittied soul ever pining
See, you can;t run full strength
Without breaking a few limbs
To succeed you must bleed
On a transfustic whim
She swears to meet half way
But never a foot off the doorstep
Concept the fear of your demise
For it will be so indeed
Dwelling on defeat leads to sloth
Talk is cheap in an ever-moving world
In self pitty ages spent on her ass
Alas, arms stretched and yearning for comfort
Motionless and awaiting better days
She'll be here a while
And soon, her case will be unfortunate
By: Drew McCleary
Author notes
Well...now that I wrote it, it doesn;t seem as dark as I would have liked. Though if you could feel the pain and anger I feel every morning waking up you'd understand. It kills me to see how we all walk around like social cattle. We have pussified ourselves and sheltered ourselves so much that the smallest of problems become a big issue. Then we spend so much time sitting around, feeling sorry for ourselves, and waiting for someone to save us cause we don't want to do it ourselves!
Oh...and uh...I made up the word transfustic. The whole imagery I was goin for there was like blood transfusions. Like, not being afraid to bleed as if you would never run out...as if a transfusion were ever ready and by your side.
Written January 25th, 2006
A contest entry
- I want DEEP by ChaingangAngel.
300 points, ended January 30, 2006, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I agree with you, I think light is thinking as society would think, not what really they think. Did they write that because, someone told them that was how it was suppose to be, Bullshit, sorry for the language, but poetry is about how you feel regardless for metre or ryhme. Keep writing whatever you want, I will read it...
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I think you misunderstand. This poem is not about me. I have full control of my life and I do not spend my time dwelling on the past or feeling sorry for myself. I found the exit all by myself. Also, this is not the only thing that I wake up pissed off about....just all of life in general and all that we take for granted. As for the comments I will keep them in mind, though I like to speak in metaphor and use odd words as being cliche is something I despise in my life and my writing.
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your work would...work better if you tried and simplifying your language, not for the benefit of the less literate but to shuffle the beat(sylables used). the context is ok but only if you are yourself social cattle then i only imagine this is where your anger comes from. People are afraid to take control i agree but (here lies the contradiction) to be free "they" need someone to show them the exit door. There they can fend for themselves.
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interesting. different. all in all, a nice job with writing this. enjoyed. was worth the read.
blu -
WONDERFUL POEM
This is an awesome poem. You used wonderful imagery. I do agree we waste too much time worrying about the little stupid things. when others have real life problems. Wonderful write !!! Take care, Sandy
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[insert complimentary word here]!
You are very talented. There are several editing errors in this, which leads me to believe you just sat down and wrote it. Since I can't even fathom being able to do that, I am quite impressed. I like how your comparisons cooperate with and blend into one another. That's hard to do. I can't find a single place where it's obvious that you wrote something just to transition between two other ideas. Fantastic write. -
this completely blew my mind. amazing. i absolutely love it. it describes so wonderfully the feelings many of us hold day to day- just waiting for a better life that we somehow know won't come. i really cannot express how well you articulate every emotion. keep it up
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hey this is a cool write, nice flow and different..keep penning and good luck in the contest..
Linda -
Pumping life and digging graves this was an awesome line..... Good Job your poem is greatly written
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Nice work
this poem though not as dark as it started out has a real point you nailed it on the head with the whole social cattle i thought i was the only one that viewed life that way.
enjoyed your work, Curtis -
i give it a 7.8
geeze, I didn;t realizeit was so long when I wrote it either. Oh well, hopefully it keeps your attention the whole read through...and if not...sorry about your luck.
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