Phoenix Rising (Monchielle)
Like a phoenix rising,
climbing to the heavens
from its very ashes,
flaming feathers flowing,
firy fury washes.
Like a phoenix rising,
burning like the sunshine,
knowing life will soon end,
climbing on the warm winds
driven by its ascend.
Like a phoenix rising,
beautiful and graceful,
burning like a fire,
shining ever brighter
as it flies up higher.
Like a phoenix rising,
mythologic, magic,
vain in all its glory.
Does it know it's only
living in a story?
© Jim T. Henriksen
January 24th, 2006
Author notes
Prewrite for the contest "Myth and Legend" by RedAquarius. Option 1; Phoenix.
This poem is an audio poem! Click on the title under the image to hear it. Hope you enjoy it!
A Monchielle is a style I created. First line repeats in each stanza, it consist four stanzas in total, each stanza consists of five lines, each line consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme. The pattern is "Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml" .
The image is infact my own creation aswell, and made about thirteen years ago(!) in a fractal drawing program in Pascal. Back then the screen resolution was 320 by 200, so I can't get it any bigger...
Written January 24th, 2006
In a list
- Contest poems • next in list
- Monchielle • next in list
- My poetry list • next in list
- Audio poems • next in list
A contest entry
- Myth & Legend by RedAquarius.
525 points, ended February 4, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
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Nifty form (monchielle) and picture to go with the write, liked the last line alot (does it know...). Good luck and thanks for entering the contest!
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Yeah,
I'm crossing my toes to win the contest!
Thanks for the comment, RedAquarius! 
Jim
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Thanks, Myra!
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As I said: superb
Superb
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Hi, wtchr! You may be right that I write mostly for me, but I write for others aswell, as you will see if you read more of my poems. Thank you for stopping by, reading and commenting on this poem, I really appreciate it a lot! Jim
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This is a very good writing. I read your bio. I am beginning to sensed that you write largely FOR YOU. This is good, for it then must also please YOU. Others will benefit in reading in that they are getting the best you have. "Live long and prosper."
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Hi, Debi! The phoenix has always been my favorite mythological creature, and has facinated me since I was a child. I am glad you like my poem and my picture. I look forward to reading your first Monchielle poem. Let me know when it is done, or ask if you have questions... Thanks for the comment, it means a lot to me. Jim
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Great imagery!
This is simply wonderful! Great descriptive imagery! I love the structure and flow of the piece! I will have to give the monchielle a try myself! Kudos for both creations! Debi -
Hi, Gypsy! I am glad you like my poem, and the style. The Monchielle has now spread far and wide over the net, just do a simple search on google, and you will find many links outside AllPoetry.
Thanks for the comment, and the applause, I appreciate it a lot! Jim
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Great style first and foremost
This is fantastic. The phoenix is such a splendid topic. So full of mystery, healing and the cycle of spirit. Very powerful and enchantingly beautiful. I love this. Blessigns, Gypsy
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Hi, Music of Nature! Thank you for the comment, I appreciate it a lot! Crossing my toes to win! Jim
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Wow! This is beautiful! I am honored to have this in my contest! Good write and best of luck in the contest.
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Hi, The Barrenman! The phoenix has always fascinated me, and I decided to honor it with this poem. Thanks for the comment, and the heartwarming applause... I really appreciate it! Jim
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Wonderful...just the word Phoenix conjures up such a mythical, mystical feeling in me. Great imagery, and a wondeful twist at the end.
Fantastic, well done sir.
laters
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Hi, Myra! Thank you for your great comment, and your heartwarming applause, my friend! Jim
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divine
The Phoenix metaphor always carries a deeply spiritual component within it. Here you have lived up to that intensity. AND: your ending is VERY extraordinary ... almost simplistic.
Thank you.
Myra -
Hi, dl4u/nocurtaincall. Interesting new AP-name. Thank you for your comment, and for the applause. Live long and prosper! Jim
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ifonlyforamoment.....
I loooooove this: "Like a phoenix rising,
mythologic, magic,
vain in all its glory.
Does it know it's only
living in a story?"
As to "critique". not from me, said the ant to the mountain. just....thank you. brilliant. should have been to your work sooner. atb, dl4u(nocurtaincall) - btw, star trek rules!! cap kirk was my childhood hero...
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Hi, Eccentric Dragon! Thank you for your excellent comment, and your heartwarming applause! I'm blushing!
Jim
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Hi, Renee! Thank you so very much for your wonderful comment, and your heartwarming applause! I appreciate it a lot! Jim
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Hi, Udit! Thank you for your wonderful comment, and your heartwarming applause, my friend! Jim
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You can't say that this is just a good poem, you just can't. It's marvelous, amazing, stupendous, but not just good. I must be honest, I am no expert in poetry. But I can tell you that the sound and everything else sound excellent to me. Excellent Job!
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Oh! I love the twist at the end. A very mystical work here my friend. You are indeed the Master of the Monchielle. This poem rises the spirits while the words spill from the tongue. I often feel like I am a real life Phoenix, not even close to story book content. LOL I have risen from the ashes many times. This is another wonderful Monchielle.
Oh and by the way, did I tell you how much I love this form?
EXCELLENT!
Much Love,
Renee
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Wow! The last verse was a treat to read.
Does it know it's only
living in a story?
AMAZING! The similies were amazing. The imagery was amazing.
The rhyming too was fabulous. -
Hi, Disturbed Prodigy! You want to add this poem to your wall?
Thank you for your wonderful comment, I appreciate it! Jim
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I LOVE THISD POEM, it is amazing how you used this bird of myth and captured it's sybomlize to a t. this is an amazing piece, i must add this to my wall, please. keep it flowing
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Hi, Lsd Emo Freak! Thanks for the (short) comment, and the applause! Jim
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Hi, Scarlet! Phoenixes are wonderful creatures, and their beautiful, flaming feathers, shine like the sun in the sky... of do in the myth.
I wish they were real. However, thanks for your great comment, and your heartwarming applause! Jim
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Hi, Gets! Thank you for a most excellent comment, and an excellent applause! You want to write a Monchielle?! EXCELLENT! Station! Whoah! (Guess who I mimic here!) Jim
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I love phoenixes, the imagery here was wonderful, and so was ending with a question. This is a fantastic piece... you don't see many that are actually about firebirds! I really enjoyed it.
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Man, that was very intense, and even more so if ya read in that frame of mind. Great job my friend. I love the last part where it askd; does it know it's living in a story. Almost like once you start, you just keep going till it ends. Xlnt, Xlnt write, GETS.
I think I'm going to try this one on, let ya know and get your opinion of how it comes out. I like it Jim
Edited on Jan 24, 6:23 p.m. because ''. -
Hi, sis!
Wow! Thank you for your truely wonderful comment, your applause is warming me to the root of my heart, and I blush from the ovation. You are a true friend! Hugs to you and your husband! Jim
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Standing as I applaud!!!!!
Jim, Wow bro!!!!! I feel the power of the famed bird rising through me from having read this work. What a perfect monchielle you came up with here. Rhythm and rhyme are superb.
Made it flow like music to my ears. This whole thing is fantastic including the design you created for it. A masterpiece for sure to be added to your collection of artwork.
You bring inspiration to all that read your phenominal poems.
Thank you for sharing the gift of your pen that is filled with golden ink. This is a show stopper. The crowd goes wild for this as I saw in the comments I read also. Love and blessings for you and the family, today and always. 
Joyce
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Hi, Shahrzad! Guess I was first to write about the phoenix. Thank you for your comment, and your applause! Jim
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Hi, Hiding Child! Thank you for your great analytic comment of my poem, I really appreciate it! I humbly bow for your applause... Jim
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Hi, Nena! Thank you for your wonderful comment, and your heartwarming applause! Jim
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Hi, leahofmaria! Thanks for your suggestions, I would appreciate if you come with alternate lines... I appreciate it. Jim
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Hi, Liz! Thanks for your wonderful comment, and your heartwarming applause! Hugs from your AP-uncle! Jim
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Hi, Thousand Eyes! Wow! Thanks for the wonderful comment, and the heartwarming applause! Jim
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Hi, Glu! Thank you for your comment, and your applause, I really appreciate your visit. Jim
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Hi, Fallen from Me! Thank you for your wonderful comment, and the heartwarming applause! Jim
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Dear Jim,
This is a wonderful piece.Bravoooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
You know I was thinking of writing a poem on phonex some months ago,but couldn't concentrate on a good piece to write. Yours is great.
Shahrzad -
Beautiful, simply beautiful. The way you took the concept of the phoenix and made it seem so real, so clearly real, and then just brought everything back to reality and reminded the reader and the phoenix itself that it is only a story, a tall-tale, was almost a shock. Great write.
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Absolutely Gorgeous!
Oh my goodness brother Jim! What you have penned here is a masterpiece of the poetry Monchielle format... an absolute gem. I am amazed with this work for I have a fascination for Phoenix... and the legend of this magnificent creature. I just love it... I absolutely enjoyed the reading of this gorgeous poem. Thank you for sharing with me your art and your talent, and for the wonderful gift of your ever creative pen. Blessed be, Nena. -
This is an interesting poem.
To me, some of the lines and phrases that you use are a little cliche. These are the ones that I think could be changed.
"climbing to the heavens"
"burning like the sunshine"
"burning like a fire"
I think that you could add a lot of creativity and dimension to the poem by thinking about some really unique phrases you could use in place of the ones I mentioned.
In stanza two you say "driven by its ascend." I believe that "ascend" is a verb. I think "ascension" would be correct, but it wouldn't fit the rhyme scheme. so maybe you want to think about that.
otherwise, a very nice poem!
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Beautiful piece, Uncle! I especially love the ending because it makes one think. I love how creative you are - it amazes me that you came up with your own form of poetry.
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Beautiful in its' content and flow. You are creative to give such style of your own abilities.Maybe, it will be adopted into the latter of poetry. Great poem.
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wow, not only was i impressed by the piece but your own style of writing, so precise. You truly are an artist.
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This is a truly great piece, containing wonderful imagery and insight. I liked the ending as well. nice job with this.
always,
Fallen xo
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