Got a dime? Not this time!
You're camouflaged in my mind.
Pesky bums, need to work,
Our Victims of Comfort.
The winds are howlin'
My bed is warm.
He's under the concrete Hilton,
Part of I-64.
Feed the pigeons and the ducks,
Not the child with no luck.
Gunshots ring, the pigeons fly,
Not the child, his day to die.
No tears shed, no heart to hear,
Another one gone, who cares.
Don't help him, not that sort,
Our Victims of Comfort.
The redlight Queen is just fifteen.
Two years in this deadly game.
You got twenty, I got plenty,
He's so glad, just like dad.
Needles gave me such a scare,
Ask me now, I just don't care.
I'm dying now, they call it A.I.D.S.
Ten years ago I had it made.
No tears shed, no heart to hear,
Another one gone, who cares.
Don't help him, not that sort,
Our Victims of Comfort.
Crazy Jane's gone shopping now,
From can to can, what's she found?
Her cart is full, her stomach bare,
That fine suit, he doesn't care.
Snow fell quick, the flame did too,
This Maytag box is not for you.
Jane died that day, in her sleep,
No one there, to mourn or weep.
No tears shed, no heart to hear,
Another one gone, who cares.
Don't help her, not that sort,
Our Victims of Comfort.
The babe is born, tubes in its veins,
His Mommy Crack-ed his brain.
He's of that sort, he's unaware,
When he's nine, he'll feel the stares.
This road is long, this life is short,
The streets are full of all these sorts-
Our Victims of Comfort.
In a list
- The Darkside • next in list
- My Favorites--These are poem from some poets here at AllPoetry that I really liked. All poems are listed with author's permisssion • next in list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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be my guest
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Incredible
Merry meet,
Congratulations on winning the Silver. I wish that my first poem was of such an impact as this. This is incredible, nothing to be critical of. I'd give my favorite lines, but then I'd be quoting the whole poem.
I would like to put this on my author's page with your permission. Congratulations again and this is just incredible.
Amythest
p.s. is sad that this is still true today as when you first wrote it in "86". -
y r all the entries so far long!!!
lol
w.e i don mind
nice work! -
Excellent write, there are an amazing number of people and children who just get bypassed by society and lost in the system. Extremely sad. sj
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"Victims of Comfort" I do not exactly understand, but the voice of this one rings out perfectly. All of these, and more, are our hidden burdens, like the way you said it.
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great descripitve message you send.
congrats on the winning.
Tamara
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This was the first poem I ever wrote..way back in 1986
Thanks for stopping by and making my day lil' sis
hugs and peace
Muddy -
Excellent write muddy. There can be many reasons for the problems of the society but the main reason are the good and nice ppl who stand still instead of standing against the problem. You've presented this in a wonderful way. a pleasure to read and I am glad that you are in my fav. list.
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Is there anything left for me to say?...Excellent work muddy.
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This is quite the first poem. My first was along the lines of "see dick run. run, dick, run." lol
But the gift of a free flowing pen showed itself right off the bat, as Pinhead notes. I too find it enjoyable to read these early poems...
peace
doug
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Slam, Bam! What a way to start. Very cool to see your first. Right from the start your talent asserted itself with mighty words.Bravo, best of luck.
Rob -
greatly deep scribe
WOW. thank you so much for entering my contest. this is a very good piece! highlighting the masses first and having the people who are blind to that in the back ground of the poem. bug ups on this.
"Gunshots ring, the pigeons fly,
Not the child, his day to die."
i really like this line. the people are way too comfortable in the slumber that has crippled the human race. civilization has yet to be achieved. -
this is your first poem ever??!!
wow.
excellent writing and expression.
thanks for your entry.
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this is your first poem wow. this is really good, but you obviously know that. i plan to read your more recent stuff because i'm sure you've gotten even better. this is all so true and everyone has at least once come across a victim of comfort. this was well written. good job and keep it up. GB and GGHl. ~~~Bec~~~
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Very disheartening indeed. Choices people make sometimes get them in the wrong place. Life is full of consequences some good but mostly bad in this poem. I too can sometimes be a victim of comfort, looking for a quick fix instead of making the right choice disregarding the consequences.
Surely hope you are not a victim of comfort. Well written. -
crazy jane and her mission man? oh, um.... great great job... it's all soo true too. excellent write
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If this is any indications of what is to come then I say,"hold on to your seats folks!!" This is very well done. I've been on the streets, I've seen the stares, I know most people just don't care for our victims of comfort.
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Your first poem!? This is absolutely incredible. So much truth seeps from this, I'm truly amazed. It's kinda funny, this was written 3 years before I was even born, and yet this poem still speaks of reality. Although some might perceive society to change greatly because of technology, I really don't think it is so. You've proved my thoughts in this write.
Honestly, I wish my first poem had been this good. I'm afraid to even read my first poem, although I'm sure it was immensely bad. I do remember though that in 3rd grade (so like 8 years ago), I used to write songs... and they were so incredibly bad! Honestly, I wish I were joking!
Anyhow, awsome write here Muddy. Best of luck in the contest!
~lavender shadows~ -
This was a first poem? God lord this is phenomenal, powerful and full of emotion, overflowing with imagery and truth. Just wow - I need a first like that! Wow!
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That tugged my heartstrings. extremely well written.
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this is a mind-blower of a first poem
i like the nitty-gritty style of this...the people and situations in the poem are not prettied up, they are written as they are. the repeated stanza is excellent, i envy your ability to rhyme so easily (at least it looks easy when reading) and the title is spot-on
i applaud the poet and the poem
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This was amazing!!! I love the power and emotion. It is sad that so many can just walk by and pretend not to see too busy trying to get more money to spend on needless things. I found this absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much for sharng.
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wow this is amazing! its erattic but it has a rhythm to it that realy works fantastic i dont know wat to say you have left me speachless and that means alot i think you have realy captured the sorrow in this pice it makes me wanna cry *sniff* and the really sad thing is that it is true and i think that is want makes it so powerful well done fantastic write dont ever stop!
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It was your name MuddyKing that brought me to you, it makes me think of a mud crab. I love mud crabs! Hence me visiting you with this feature. You write well!
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Your first poem makes fantastic lyrics Muddy, this was awesome indeed! Thanks for sharing!
Blessings, Sandi
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OMG!!! This was so sad yet so true. People today don't care about those who need help. It is so depressing. I liked this truthful poem a lot. Keep up the awesome poetry!!!
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outstanding has some many much meaning very powerful great write
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This poem is all about reality and how the earth is not all chocolate cake and butterflies no matter how much we want to belive than, it is very powerful and I am glad I clicked on it!
Chelsea -
very powerful write Muddy that had plenty to say! you built it up well image by image...and in the end your statement came through clear as a picture, which is exactly what poetry is!
thanks for posting, I enjoyed the read!
Jo -
This is such a powerful poem, and it strikes right at the heart in such a way that it's difficult to even begin to get it out of your head. I think I'm going to be coming back here to read this again soon. Thank-you for a superb piece of poetry here and for putting it where I could wander across it.
Sam. -
You poem choked me up, its just hits you at home, because everyone understands this idea whether or not you knew some like your characters. It has a great flow and it really is awesome
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Great stuff.Apathy is rampant.
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First of all you made me cry. And I do mean that in a very good way. Getting someone to cry by using only your words takes talent. And it's such a beautiful poem. The ryhming was excellent, especially since the words werent insanely ordinary. The theme was really powerful as well and I'm not just saying that. Two days ago someone I went to school with for 12 years was killed in a car accident. He was only 16 years old. We always hear about things of that nature on the news but you never really get it completely until it hits home. It's almost like you don't c are until it happens to you or someone you know. So great irony in your repeat verse. keep writin' and rockin'.
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amazing
omg that is an amzing poem
good job -
Quite Good
It's a good piece of work. I had some disagreements about word selection, but that boils down to a matter of style. The intensely rhythmic flow of this work and its clipped, conversational style are quite good. Capitializing the word crack was unnecessary, in my opinion, or having the hyphen. The double meaning of 'cracked' would already be readily apparent to a discerning reader. The internal rhymes present were an interesting touch to the work. -
and that is soooooooooooooo good. OH MY FREAKIN JESUS. That was amazing. One of those poems, you'd rather not touch because it's so good. And I really felt what you said. I related to what you meant. I could feel it all. Good good good.
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Sad, but very actual theme. I agree with your great poem when you have a need to repeat the verses because nobody is out of there to listen, almost nobody want to take a care. This poem could be a himn for Our Victims of Comfort. One of the best poem of this kind I red lately. Bravo!
~Sonja~
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Woah.
this is very powerful stuff. I agree with scentedangel78, as in the poem is very sad and raw because of the terrible things going on that few people seem to notice, but it also has a hopeful edge. If poets like you can keep bringing people's attention to what needs to be known, someday people WILL care. Thank you for writing this... -
The message is powerful and well received by this reader. I once held an alcoholic in my arms who was seizing and nobody cared...it was so vivid how alone he was. He didn't even know I was holding him. I started to pray for him and he opened his eyes, locked his eyes on mine...yet his physical eyes didn't see me. But his spirit did! Love is all that matter.
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Wow, I don't even know what to say to this. I've never read anything like it really. Wonderful job at originality!
Great write, and good luck in the contest!
-Principessa -
reminds me of my grandaughter..she was born addicted to meth and coke..poor baby..nice write
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This was a refreshing slap in the fave, I loved it, Apathy is so rampant these days, and it saddens me, this, was my favorite part~>>He's under the concrete Hilton,
Part of I-64. -
awesome poem....redlight queen only 15....awesome
I'll appreciate if the answer is no but you wouldnt like to let me use that as a song lyric would you! that would be amazing!
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It may be somewhat difficult to read, but that notwithstanding, your message is loud and clear, and one we should all heed. Turning a blind eye towards the homeless, poor, & downtrodden is the bane of mankind. We spend billions searching for life in the universe and yet ignore the life we are right here.
I like this poem and think it says alot! Thanks for sharing...
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