Innerhalb eines abgefüllten Klosters
Liegt das Schatzdiagramm meines Verstandes
Das ' X ', einfach finden
den punktierten Linien zu folgen
Ich werde dort warten
Meine Finger baumelnd, mögen Sie Schmucksachen
Wie ich für Ihre Hand erreiche
Nahe gekommen in Richtung zu mir
Ich helfe Ihnen zu begreifen
so können wir als ein sein
Gerecht wie ein Gummiband
Author notes
*translated into english*
Inside a bottled cloister
Lies the treasure map of my mind
To find the 'x' simply follow the dotted lines
I will be there waiting
Dangling my fingers like jewelry
As I reach for your hand
Come towards me closer
I'll help you comprehend
so we may be as one
Just like a rubber band
Written January 23rd, 2006
A contest entry
- Actual poetry. by nomorework.
500 points, ended February 13, 2006, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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oh wow this was cool
ive only been taking german for a year and a half.. at least from a real teacher.. so i dont know much but this was really cool. i felt kinda stupid tho because i didnt see the translation til later lol.
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This one is currently my favorite, out of the... 7 I have read so far.
I like the fact it is in German, a lot. I do that too, I like to see that other people do too.
Not to mention that the translation is spot on, and that it is creative, different, and penned really well.
It deserved the Trophy.
XDD
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at first i was dicouraged cause i dont speak german but i thought i would check it out. this is probably one of your best..
Rose
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awww wow, this is terrific, i really love this, i find nothing wrong with it, its unique, and goes nicely together
congrats on the silver and take care
stephanie
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thanks..I like your new picture. You look nice.
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sehr schoenes gedicht. ich spreche ziemlich gut deutsch und versuche auch deutsche gedichte zuschreiben, aber das kommt mir nicht leicht.
i really admire what you did with this, since as a fairly fluent speaker i find it difficult to do the same
*virtual applause from someone with no points* -
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bitten
thank you for your comemnt. Unfortunately I don't actually speak german fluently. I have a friend that is bilingual and translates my poems for me into different languages. I think what I am doing is truly artistic and inspiring.
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ummm....well believe it or not you confused me Pollycheck, because I do not actually speak German...I had a friend help me out with this poem, first I wrote a poem in English, and then she translated it for me in German....so I have absolutely no idea what you just said in the first part of your comment. Please enlighten me.
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Ich mag wirklich dieses Gedicht. Die Linien, die die Schatzbrust in Ihrem Gemüt beschreiben, sind sehr lebhaft und Sie anstreichen ein nettes Bild mit Ihren Wörtern. Sie haben eine sehr gute Aufgabe mit diesem einem gemacht.
I really like this poem. The lines that describe the treasure chest in your mind are very vivid and you paint a nice picture with your words. You have done a very good job with this one. -
Sweet
Wow.Love the poem.It is awesome and especially the imagery of dangling fingers like jewelry.Awesome!Sweet. -
lol..yeah after I read your intro I knew that this would be the best poem that I could possibly submit. I knew you'd apprieciate German. I also have a poem in French if you would like for me to submit it as well.
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Guten tag! Oh, this is wonderful!!!! Hmm, it shall make judging more complex. Argh. I love it, and there are simply no words to say other than:
Auf Wiedersehen!
Bailey -
Wow... Something new & different. I really liked this (having taken a semester of German myself). Very emotional & as always, stunning visuals. Keep up the great work!!
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thank you so very very much..it is nice having people like you that support my work with applause...there are many of my fans that read my work and are huge fans but NEVER give me an applause.
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TL,
Great job here. I love the poem, and enjoyed working with you on translating it. If you ever need anything please feel free to give me a shout. You are an amazing writer and I enjoy reading your work very much.
Blessed Be,
~Sherry~
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thank you very much, I had to write one in German, because it is the language of my heritage as well...my mom is full blooded German, and my dad is half german...so I have quite a bit in myself as well. Thank you for your comment ~Guten Tag~
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Awsome,, it is wonderful that you can write in German.. a language of my heritage, never explored for different reasons. Like the tone of this piece, and the meaning of becoming one as in... the rubberband, that idea was simply amazing....
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thanks again babe
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I just had to see what you wrote in German ... this is fantastic in either language. I love when folks use unsual stuff to describe a common feeling ... rubber band as two becoming one ... now that's cool
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