Duct or Duck by galfalfa at All poetry

Duck tape, duct tape

I find it so confusing

Half the time I wish I knew

which one it is I'm using

Duck it on your car door

it doubles as a lock

Duct it around your ankle

for that wayward sock

Duct tape up your undies

when they get real sloppy

Duck tape up your boobies

so they dont get floppy

I sometimes even duct my duck

for it tends to loiter

But never duct your bikini line

you'll scream like bloody moider

Author notes

Written January 23rd, 2006

A contest entry

Make me laugh by lilblueeyesmine1978. 425 points, ended September 20, 2007, 37 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

What did you think

Comments

1 - 91 of 91

By me, right now

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lilblueeyesmine1978
September 12, 2007

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so funny
this is sooo funny i love the pictures it really maked the poem all that much better. thanks for entering my contest. i am adding this to the finalists list. good luck and i hope to read more great writes from you in the future.
sharkofdhoom
September 10, 2007
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hahahaha this really made me chuckle! i love both duct and duck tape!
HeliumJones
November 25, 2006

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You are so good at writing humorous poems! I have enjoyed all of your work so very much! I really enjoyed
"Duct tape up your undies
when they get real sloppy
Duck tape up your boobies
so they dont get floppy"
that stanza... Fantastic Job as always!
- galfalfa
  November 25, 2006
  
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  HeliumJones
  Hiya,
  
  Thank you for checking out my silliness - loved your comments I'll rate them and hope that you receive some points The rating feature seems to be fickle , only working when it feels like it
  
  galfalfa
Doctor Proxima
November 5, 2006
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oh my god this is genius stuff right here ~giggles~
lie
September 30, 2006
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This made me smile. I always used to get confused with the whole duck or duct tape ordeal. I loved how you incorporated great vocabulary with a humorous piece, I don't find that too often. Wonderful piece.
galfalfa
September 29, 2006
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Why that's just plain sick I hope you're not on the loose out there somewhere
thanks for checking this out,

galfalfa
majix
September 29, 2006
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Oh god you really quack me up Did you know you're supposed to duct tape a hamster before sodomising it? True, otherwise they explode!
DarkenedAuras
September 17, 2006
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LOL OMGOSH this is so funny....confusing to me....which witch is which again
twinzy001
September 15, 2006
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This is funny loved it
September 11, 2006
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Clever
Duct tape fixes everything...or is it duck tape?
Very clever.
August 28, 2006
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Very funny poem. One of those poems that can make you smirk on a bad day. Love it!
Mannix
August 10, 2006
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Ahh! The important metaphysic of tape finally explained in user friendly form. And I love the final rime, cos as i read that there line, I'm shamed to say I didst whine, as at dad-jokes the first time.
moment liver
August 8, 2006
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OMG, in a way this is sad happy, I mean half of me is thinking ok I always wondered about this too but then the other half of me never cared, I don't me to offend you, your rhyming was interesting and this was funny enough. Over all the poem is cute! Keep writing from within!
See you around the deep end
moment liver
Tam
August 5, 2006
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FUNNY
LOL This is another funny, crazy write. I love silly sometimes, don't you?
Apparently, yes, you do. And you are good at it as well. Loved it, thanks for the laugh.
Blessings! Tammy
charcoal
August 2, 2006
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hey!its only my second day as a member. you posted a comment for me and i realised people actually read the stuff one posts! and then i read your duct tape and realised wow...there's some good stuff here! gotta put in a bit more effort into my work als

your poem is really really funny.I can so visualise a stand up comic singing it to laughs and whistles
cardinalrose
August 1, 2006
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good
Well, it was funny as hell, that poor duck, you shouldn't done that to him. cute poem
crystylheart
July 29, 2006
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Hahaha What a hilarious piece, i can't write funny so I'm glad you do!
x eternity awaits x
July 21, 2006
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hahaaa. i normally dont like humorous poetry, but this is just simply priceless. thank you for posting it. =)
also, thank you for the comment and welcome that you gave me. it was much appreciated. im sorry for your loss as well. <3
galfalfa
June 14, 2006
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LOL..you silly goose - loved the comment..thanks!
individuality
June 14, 2006
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Duct tape is so lovely; so nice,
I use it to duct up the mice
that run riot around my flat,
I think I need to get a cat!

Duct tape duct tape give me a smile
Duct tape duct tape stuck to my eyelids.

Duct tape is so groovey; oh yes,
I use it when I get in a mess
to stick my fingers up my nose
and on the wall next door's panthose.

chorus part two:

I'm a duck duck duct tape lover,
I'm a real real real mad f...

Please would you spill over my nuptuals some mighty fine coloured ink laced with brandy and please do not forget to slink a stiff drink then wisely wink at the kitchen sink's contents before twisting me up like a rag doll burnt origami shape into the crazy shapely hairy ape of love's wonderful exotic - erotic magical nape.
AceOSpades
June 4, 2006
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Eehee that made me laugh... I picked this one randomly out of your gallery... You're good at funny poems

Nicely done
galfalfa
June 2, 2006
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Why thankyou Sillysal Loved your comment and glad you enjoyed my silliness
June 2, 2006
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Super!
Hilarious (whispering ... actually it's just ducky but I didn't want to say it too loud since you're STILL holding the tape)!
Thundercat
May 27, 2006
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Your sense of rhyme to fit a mature, yet tasteful, sense of humour is really incredible. I think this poem utilises the pictures very well to add to the humor of the piece. Applause, applause, applause. Well done.
galfalfa
May 15, 2006
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Ok, i'll take the blame Need anything taped up or ripped off just say the word Thanks for checking this out - appreciate it
M0ofi3
May 15, 2006
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I'll never look at duct/duck tape the same way again, and it's all your fault.

Funny!
intanglio2ring
May 12, 2006
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Dear galfalfa,
This is another mystery of women, and the pains they endure. Yeow! I bet that hurt! A most adorable poem about the gray matter that holds our world together.
Tang
galfalfa
May 2, 2006
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thanks for the comment and applause - i'm glad it gave you a laugh

gal
WelshDragon
May 2, 2006
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Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I know its repeating what has already been said, but its sooo funny.... Hilarious......
leo2
April 22, 2006
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That's why women shave their legs. Taking the duct tape off hurts like hell. I know I know. I never leave home without it.
Thanks for the morning grins with my coffee.

Sincerely,
Leo Long
rain child
April 21, 2006
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Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is soooooooooo hallariuos! (I hope I spelled it right! If not sorry!) Very clever!
Sherry
March 21, 2006
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Hey sis, I see Cookie found you lol anyhow this
was really funny you have a great sense of humor.
Have you tried this for legs or facial hair?
I had a wax one time on my lip they kind of made
a place above my lip it was sad lol. Anyhow yeah
got to be careful with duck tape. I may try it
when im old old and my boobies are saggy though.
Oh man can't believe I said that cute write.
♥ ♥ Me
CookieZeal
March 21, 2006
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Ah! A tape addict like ME!!!!!!!!!!!Oh, if only folks knew what keeps up my bathroom wall.

Ha. This was so much fun. I liked the idea, the phrasing, and ..ahem I happen to like the rhythm and rhymes. Well used!

Also, I found your cutie sprite smile on Sherry's page. It inspired me to see a fellow staff member.

Fun!
backlog
March 19, 2006
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Lol, well, I don't know what to say other than great write, really.
Made me laugh.
verse-atility-jac
March 6, 2006
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I love your humour, I'm still, laughing as I type
DJshy
March 2, 2006
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excellent
that was funny
victoria Secret
February 27, 2006
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lol what the heck. It made me laugh. I needed a laugh. So thanks for the laugh. I think that's enough laughing for the day. Take care. Tori
LilPurplePrincess
February 22, 2006
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hilarious
Hilarious! I love the way you put the taped up duck. tehe. sucker. (sorry, but this is 4 points) i have to keep talking like this, but i really did like the poem. it was sooooo funny!! ok i think im done now. bye. -Little Purple Princess
rainyday woman
February 22, 2006
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I can relate
Oh this is too much . When you look in store's around here you have so many choices of color and size. You can even find books on the 1000 uses of Duct(duck) tape.
J Rhys Davies
February 21, 2006
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You never cease to put a smile on my face, and even when I read your poetry too. This was too funny. I laughed out loud, especially about the undies. That’s just wrong!

~ John
Sarah957
February 14, 2006
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I never thought to tape up my boobies. Mayhaps I'll have to give that a try. LOL!
Sarah
SuZyCuE
February 13, 2006
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LOL this was great just a few of the ,any uses of duct-duck tape. Thamks for thr dmile this morning ai really nrrdrd it.
rufina caraid
February 11, 2006
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Duck Tape or Duct Tape
Galf's in a soapy lather,
trying to say the proper word
I'm thinking that she'd rather...

not have to tape her boobies high
to stop them both from hangin',
or for 'HIM' to tape his franks
to stop them both from bangin'

Only Galf would get herself
into this rotten mess,
read it once and you'll agree
you enjoyed it, Yes - confess!!!
Shakes-spear
February 9, 2006
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This was quite funny and some of the comments are almost side splitting too. Thanks for your contest, next time I'll read them more carefully and really try for the milk up the nose thing! The Shaker
rosepoet
February 7, 2006
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It's really good and so funny! Keep up the excellent work.
keeep on writing you are good at this kind of writing.
Prof Slovakia
January 27, 2006
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Good
This poem is good.
zt
January 26, 2006
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Oh I so needed this laugh! Not that it matters, but the correct term is "duct" as it was used to seal furnace ducts. Yeah...not real funny I know. Don't worry. I'm not giving up my day job to do stand-up. Your rhyme and rhythm is spot on and your humor is impeccable. Loved it!
Autumn Whisper
January 25, 2006
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I love this galfalfa, it's really good and so funny! Keep up the excellent work, this would work a treat in a humour contest
best wishes as always
Moonstone Virgo
misticmoonlite
January 25, 2006
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oh Gal.. girl.. you sure said a lot about duct! duckie or quackers.. man I am rotflmao here.. did a good job on this one thanks for the laughter needed it.. now I gotta tuck and suck in these floppy boobs lol
keep penning.. now the duck looks better..lol
heartnsoul
January 25, 2006
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hilarious......
Please explain to Terry, duct tape in the flesh tone color is used to lift and separate those boobies.....not flatten..yes i admit to using it! ONCE and only once... it was kinda hard to explain then and is now.. one of those model tricks we teenagers were so up to date with! ouch! gawd..you'd pull those tender nippies right off! Who here doesn't have at least one roll in the house.... now i never thought about the bikini line, ewwwwwwww.....
this one was hysterical....sure did need my funny bone tickled today and this was just the ticket
~Michelle~
Rainies Dream 2468
January 25, 2006
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When I was younger I always wondered what happened to a duck for the name duck tape to be used. Then my dad informed me that it was duct tape. So I went around like 15 years calling it duck tape and no one corrected me. I loved your poem! The humor was great. I had a friend that duct taped her, ahem, boobies. As painful as it was for her, it was hilarious for me!
alone and unloved
January 24, 2006
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great peice. humorous, but true to life at the same time. exaggerated to an extent, but not too too much. i evjoyed reading it.
princess of sporks
January 24, 2006
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WOW!
WOW...I LOVE DUCT TAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Duct tape is one of the most useful items in the universe. Do you not agree? Anyway your poem is really funny!!!!! And the picure of the duck is hilarious!!!!!!!!! How did you think of this!? Duct tape..it's all good...
galfalfa
January 24, 2006
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LMAO...i absolutely loved this!!! Thank you so much! You've got me giggling like a fool over here Terry you are one funny guy! I was hoping to make Red Green proud Now lets go have a Timmy's I've really been hooked on those lately
thanks, i needed the laugh!
Ogreatbaldone
January 24, 2006
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Galfalfa likes her duck tape
of that I am sure
but she's not sure if it's duck or duct
well too bad for her

you can duct tape your boosoms
to make you look like a man
or a man can duct tape his franks and beans
so he looks like he has female glands?

you can use it on your children
when the screaming just wont stop
just duct them and throw them in the closet
when off you go to shop

It has many uses
no matter what you call it
you can even use it to stop a boat leak
before you overall it

It can be used for hair removal
although it really hurts
and when I am out of clean laundry
I wear it as a shirt

this was funny Gal, only you could write about duct/duck tape with such humor...Red Green would be proud(all the americans are going "who the hell is Red Green?"
Tarja
January 24, 2006
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OMG! This is sooo funny. I love it! I didn't know it was duct tape until like a year ago and I'm seventeen. I am usually more a fan of dark and twisted stuff, but it's always good to have a good laugh! Keep it up! I love this.
Amanda
Cipher Scribe
January 24, 2006
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Lol! I love this! Applause for you. Didja know you can even make wallets out of duct tape? I saw it on a craft show. Thanks for the laugh sweetie.
Edited on Apr 18, 11:53 p.m. because ''.
galfalfa
January 23, 2006
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LMAO..that gave me an visualization that just cracked me up - "don't arrive at the toilet late" LOL Actually some models do use tape in those barely there dresses to keep their boobies in place.. Shucks you're past the bikini stage eh - i was kinda hoping to practice on you and write it into a continuation
Thanks for the comment and applause Loved it!

♥gal
zzzzz
January 23, 2006
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Watergait Tapes
LOL, well since I am past the bikini stage, don't need to worry about that one...and any gal that uses duct tape on bobbies is ready for the hatch...now duct tape on a horse's shipping boots is great..but, put it on your undies..don't arrive at toilet late! D.
polgara
January 23, 2006
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Especially when you think of it being ripped from between the nether-behind region's nooks and crannies Say... would come with a complimentary bottle of Baby Duck? Quack Quack LOL
Ir.muse
January 23, 2006
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This is cute.
Shahrzad
hugh wyles
January 23, 2006
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Dear Gal,
OK Pardner!! Yore on!! Jest peel the duck tape off me drawers and they'll drop.
Love and tugs, XXX Hugh.
galfalfa
January 23, 2006
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My dearest Hugh,
Hmmmmmm..dick tape eh? Care to be my test model? We'll be partners...70/30 and a nut transplant ok? Now drop your drawers and come over here
Loved your comment - thanks ! BTW, no one or nuttin will ever replace my rubber chicken

♥gal
Edited on Jan 23, 2:22 p.m. because 'after thought'.
January 23, 2006
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Whimsical
ROFL...This was really cute and I don't know if you've a man around but duct tape is my hubby's favorite solution. I like fun poem and this one did not disappoint me.
hugh wyles
January 23, 2006
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Dear Gal,
Does this mean that you are switching from rubber chickens to rubber ducks?
Another imaginative piece of Nutty, Naughty Nonsense but with a deeply philosophical metaphorical allegorical undercurrent which I hope is not lost on readers.
Your allusion to its use for resurrecting fallen boobies leads me to ask whether there is such a product as DICT TAPE or DICK TAPE on the market?
Applauze, love and hugz, XXX Hugh.
goldilocks
January 23, 2006
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fan-funny-tastic
this is so funny great rwrite i love it!!!!!
galfalfa
January 23, 2006
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LOL Polgara - doesnt that make you cringe and pull your legs tightly together Ok, this aint going to hurt a bit

thanks for your comment and applause..very much appreciated

gal
polgara
January 23, 2006
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Using it on one's bikini area LOL -- that would be distinctly Canadian. Instead of getting a Brazilian, perhaps, in our quaint Canadian way, it would be called "Skinnin' the Beaver"? Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
miss-conduct
January 23, 2006
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When everything gets on my nerves and stresses me out...I read something like this and my day for a moment becomes better...
darkchild165
January 23, 2006
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I love the picture of the duck at the end of this poem. It was really well written and made me smile at the start of a bad day.
bookworm987
January 23, 2006
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wow this was a very interesting poem to read. lol honestly it was hilarious, and i luv how you took advantage of your "poetic license" and used the word "moider. Plus it was a great concept, the whole duck, duct thing. Very creative poem.
The Cadmanator
January 23, 2006
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Fab
lol great poem, hilarious! I loved it =D
Desert Knave
January 23, 2006
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Heeehehehhheeee ! The many visulais in this one (especially the ones on the bikini line and the floppy boobies being duct taped) make this a delight. Bravo. ~Jim
xxCrimsonxHeartsxx
January 23, 2006
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OMG this is so cute and funny...i actually needed that laugh..lol..thanks...
xoxo<3 Jessi
Kevo MF Last
January 23, 2006
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HAHA! I really needed this. very cute rhyming and a funny play on words.
grannyeri
January 23, 2006
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Ahh, a poem about that infamous duck/duct tape - what won't we think of next? LOL This was justs great to read, grandkids always ask me for that tape that tapes anything - have lots around all the time - now which one is it - kind of confusing. Gave me a great laugh this morning - just the title is funny!
midnight dreamer.
January 23, 2006
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this is hilarious!!!great jobe!!!
love
Ashley
Iohagh
January 23, 2006
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Very funny I think but I better not or I will go back to calling linoleum aluminum again. So many words just get confused when heard.
Everglow
January 23, 2006
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This is so funny! I liked the rhyme especially in the last stanza! And the line about taping your boobs that was great!! Anyway.. This was an awesome poem AND the second picture is too funny!!!
Jokerman
January 23, 2006
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GOOD
LIGHT AND FUNNY NICE.
galfalfa
January 23, 2006
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thanks, that picture of that duck destroyed me...and sadly i did call it duck tape at one time Like who knew?
I appreciate your reading this and commenting
galfalfa
January 23, 2006
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Hiya,

I love a good laugh to start my day - so glad i could give you one..thanks so much!
galfalfa
January 23, 2006
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thank you - so glad you enjoyed it - loved your comment!

gal
weewatto
January 23, 2006
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wicked - this is hilarious, particularly the most inventive rhyme I've ever had the privilege to read contained in the final line. And I hadn't thought of the boobie use - thanks for that! x Quack Quackity Quack Quackit.
January 23, 2006
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lol nice
Exit-Stage-Right
January 23, 2006
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"AFLACK!!!"

I wrapped my duck in duct tape strips,
for wet and stormy weather,
but when I yanked it off of him,
it ripped out every feather.

Now my duck sports waffle weaves,
beneath a knitted sweater,
Armani jeans a Rolex watch
A hip and swank go-getter,

The other ducks look ducky in
their multi-colored down
but GQ said my quacker was
the hippest duck in town.
MysticalMelindy
January 23, 2006
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Hilarious pictures. I think at one point in life everyone stops and wonders if it's duct or duck tape. Like cyberartist, I signed on in a bad mood, and you gave me a chuckle, so thanky kindly. Loiter/moider was great, though I'm wondering how many people on here won't get it. Great write.
x-ImNotYourStar-x
January 23, 2006
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lmao...mint. xXx
Cyber Artist
January 23, 2006
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I came on feeling like crap and you still managed to put a smile on my face thanks for that
Tear-Stained-Heart
January 23, 2006
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haha this is so funny. and hell yea it is confusing. your work is real good awsome
XX tear XX