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Villanelle

Why did you come before the morning stars
Had set, and lie down quietly at my side?
The early sun flashed jangling scimitars

Of light, cold morning trickled down the scaurs,
And dreams ebbed out in a relentless tide...
Why did you come before the morning stars?

I could forget, I dreamed, the wild guitars,
The long nights' dancing, till, in golden pride
The early sun flashed jangling scimitars.

The coloured days and nights were triumph-cars
Of glory - till the day all glory died...
Why did you come before the morning stars

Into my dreams, where still a last flame chars
The heart? Caught in your living fire, I sighed...
The early sun flashed jangling scimitars

Of light... and you were gone!... And all the scars
Of half-remembered love sang shrill, and cried:
"Why did you come?" Before the morning stars
The early sun flashed jangling scimitars...

A contest entry

Please do not feel obliged to comment - but if you feel you must, please understand that I may not be able to acknowledge it for some time. I am horribly busy,

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Comments

1 - 37 of 37

  • Ami
    October 19

    Edit | Reply
    Wow congrats on all those trophies that you have so far for this write I can see why the are there the imagination in this write is amazing Thank you so much for entering my contest and Good luck
    -♥Amy♥


  • Kira65
    June 26

    Edit | Reply
    it is a great poem,it has a great flow.
    my favorite part is
    "Into my dreams, where still a last flame chars
    The heart? Caught in your living fire, I sighed...
    The early sun flashed jangling scimitars"

    Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • Night Terrors
    May 22
    Edit | Reply
    Intresting poem I think you have a fasinating thing going here.



    The Positives:



    Room For Improvement:
    Nothing I can see you did wonderful



    My Favorite Part:

    Overall:


    I give this a /10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~


  • perfectsunset gold member
    April 4
    Edit | Reply
    What a beautifully crafted
    villanelle! This was faultless!

    Kudos to you on a job well done

    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • XLadyElinorX
    January 23

    Edit | Reply

    speechless. . .

    oh my word, that was lovely. I love the villainelle and this I do consider to be one of the best I've read. Such depth and beauty and painful love you have drawn in your words. . . my sincere congrats on all the trophies, poet


  • Dark Otter
    January 20

    Edit | Reply

    I understand!

    This is the first villanelle that I have ever liked. It dances in a language of rhythm. I see why you are proud of it and why you have the respect of Mairi.
    Thank you for taking the time to enter this contest. This entry graces it.

  • PhenollBarbidoll
    September 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like how it repeats itself and i like the way its worded. nicely written and thanks for enterin my contest


  • nilav
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    it left a pricking pain....congrats on the trophy

  • piccola silver member
    August 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    lovely use of words and lovely poem. thank you for the entry


  • Heart Sutra
    August 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This Vera is a classic that never gives up its brilliance. I still remember the first time I read this poem from you and today I have the same feeling, only deeper.


  • moonbumps silver member
    July 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well done the Gold.


  • CelticQueen
    July 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My first impression is that this is magificent - and so if my second, third and last impression. Beautiful.

    celtic queen


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    July 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on the gold trophy, this is so well deserved. Your poem was a joy to read.

    Well done...Sue

  • ecrivain01
    July 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations ...

    on your Gold trophy.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    July 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It gives me immense pleasure to write this comment to one of our most dedicated and talented competitors.
    after 16 contests you have ended up on top of the pile and a Villanelle has finally impressed us enough to take gold.


  • Luckintheshadows
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!! oh my, this poem should have music....it's so stunning, I love the way you've written this with such consistent rhyme scheme and flow....oooh...I am totally blown away by the imagery...this line:
    "Why did you come before the morning stars"
    Just totally gives me shivers!!!!

    Thanks so much for sharing this, and for taking the time to enter my contest,

    Luck.

  • ecrivain01
    July 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Magnifique, je dois jurer ...

    and really, since your cheering section obviously agrees, it leaves me little more to say.


  • morgan2285
    June 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    AHHH! the big words haunt me! lol. Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!


  • Mademokid
    May 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    vary good i will consider this in at least 2end place


  • FlipperSwitch
    May 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this very soft and beautiful poem. Thank you for entering.

  • perfectsunset gold member
    April 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was a beautifully written Villanelle. Lovely imagery and thoughts in this. I really liked these lines

    "Into my dreams, where still a last flame chars
    The heart? Caught in your living fire, I sighed...
    The early sun flashed jangling scimitars"

    Best of luck & thanks for entering


  • individuality gold member
    April 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a great form is the villanelle, and here you have done a wonderful piece, the flow is beautiful and smooth, great to read


  • Wilted Rose Bush
    April 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow

    well done for this piece
    I love the repetition, the beat, the rhyming and the emotion in this was incredible and clearly shown

    exactly what I wanted

    this is a fantastic poem

    well done, good luck and thanks for entering


  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    January 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh,this is simply stupendous writing. The images are strong. Bravo!!!!!!


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    January 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent poem GREAT USE OF the form Thank you for taking the time to enter my contest. I wish you the best of luck.

    REDWINGSPIRIT


  • A60sMan
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "The coloured days and nights were triumph-cars" --- this amazing metaphor stands out for me above the others, though they astound as well. So beautifully written, Vera. I so enjoy reading accomplished female poets like yourself. You show me things I could never possibly imagine.

    A60sMan

  • Seeking Peace silver member
    September 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great piece... well done
    Thank you for taking the time to enter your favourite prewrite in this contest, I wish you the very best of luck

    Karen


  • ma belle
    March 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    BRAVO!

    I am so elated to return to the contest and see your villanelle take the gold trophy! It is truly exquisite in every sense of the word and possibly the best one I have read in this category. I am bookmarking it to study it more in its entirety. ♥ Belle


  • Sweetangelgrace
    September 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is great..it is amazing , magnificient and fantastic! I really love it especially this part:



    "Into my dreams, where still a last flame chars
    The heart? Caught in your living fire, I sighed...
    The early sun flashed jangling scimitars"

    Thanks for your wonderful contribution!!!¨

    GRACE


  • MadisonRae
    August 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    How magical! It is beautiful and seems like one of the memories that you thought was a dream. Thanks for entering and best of luck!

    Madison


  • June 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely . Just lovely. good luck in the contest

  • Ar60
    January 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!!! Read it several times to fully appreciate its flow...


  • Trial and Error
    January 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful Villanelle. The rhyme scheme you picked is a little odd. . . Never knew there were that many words that could rhyme to that . But, none-the-less, you did a good job . Good luck in the contest
    </3Desires

  • Bronwen Eckstein
    January 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Magnificent

    Magnificent. I admire how you have used the form and twisted it with your enjambements to rework the meanings of your repeated lines. Such a superb choice of words, of images. Love it, love it.


  • Heart Sutra
    January 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful.


  • Lyndon gold member
    January 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Excellence

    Vera, this is a haunting love song as a villanelle. I have not seen one with the enjambments you used, thrusting one to the next line suddenly. I read it aloud and it sounds well, indeed, it does. The ambiguity is wonderfully purposeful. One, before the battle that took a lover's life; the other, into your late night dream with the paradox of the sweetness of great memories and yet of haunting grief, within dreams. This is a disciplined formed which, when heard, has all the freedoms of a passionate poem empowered with the repetitions and incremental repetitions that put the poem with those at the level of love lyrics of grandeur. I am privileged to have read and re-read this poem. Soldiers plunging down bluffs; lovers falling ... the scaurs ... a fine word you sought for. There was a touch of East European and of Sergeant Troy from "Far from the Madding Crowd".
    Lyndon and for a wonderful, wistful, realistic love villanelle.
    Edited on Jan 22, 10:11 p.m. because ''.


  • NoWayJo
    January 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I'm not familiar as to specific forms to even write them myself, but I probably love reading the villanelle form most of all, and you did really well in the write of this poem. really lovely writing and good luck to you in the contest!

    Jo

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