When I am afraid
I swim to the middle of the lake,
carry a skull-sized stone
cradled in my arm,
wrestle its weight
heavy as my fear of deep water.
When I reach the middle
out where the sandy shore
is a mere haven I cannot see in the dark
I stop and tread water
going nowhere.
No one can hear me
where not even the moon watches.
I drink the air deep,
fill my lungs before I plunge
beneath the dark water,
let that stone drop me
as I empty my breath and sink to the bottom,
sink for hours, sink for years
into my fears where I hold the rock
until my need for air
makes me turn loose and swim
out of my fear, back to the top.
When I reach the shore
I lie heaving for air
until I can finally breathe,
feel cleansed of my fear
left at the bottom of the lake
with the weight of the rock
and at last I can sleep,
smile, splashing into the stars.
Author notes
Written January 21st, 2006
A contest entry
- water by Cat.
400 points, ended January 29, 2006, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 60 of 60
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I love your use of analogies. This poem rocks!!
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I just had to come read this again... and applaud.
one of my favorites from you.
~travis
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You should be published and i never say that to people. Sometimes i think you are really cocky and I shouldn't tell you things like this but honestly, if you are good and you kow you are good. Fuck it. Enjoy it. Wrestle with it. Let it move through you and become it. I love you in some strange way. You are who I would be if I were you. ~Daina
Flow into the future -
A profoundly evocative poem, one that rivets the mind of the reader. You are masterful at manipulating the imagination with word brushstrokes. I'm thrilled that you've shared your victory over fear with the reader. I admire your courage and tenacity.
I'd best leave alone any comments about how the best poems never win contests on AP. I'm pissing everyone off every time I open my mouth. I'd give you one of my trophies for your poem but, hell, I can't win one. So I'll applaud you instead.
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You never disappoint me. Your poetry, like you, is fearless. This write paints a vivid scene , waking my own loathing for mortality and throwing into sharpness, the thin line we walk between life and death.
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WOW! This is a great poem. I absolutly hate water. This is what I need to do, well, if I could swim. This is a totally awesome poem.
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I LOVED this poem! Its really awesome! Keep Writing!
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I'm terrified of water! Good work.
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I loved this poem. I felt like I could see and feel the whole thing. Exhilerating.
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GREAT AND REAL
that is great. i have had to face a lot of fears this last year so i double applaud you for your courage. that is half the battle. good job. viyanna langager -
Wow, what a way to conquer a fear! You had me scared for you, especially when you took the pluge below the water. I, too, was glad when you came up for air. Great imagery and flow. Thanks for sharing!
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xxxxThank you for sharing your enormous talent today. This poem was great and greatly reflective of your awesome talents. I liked your writing very, very much. Keep up the great work. best of wishes in all that you do. I hope the new year is going well for you. peace always in all ways....kendal
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Was here before - some good comments on your poem.
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10
Very, very,imaginative you are.. The secluded way of letting the mind sink to the point of an almost no return deal. But you wrote this poem well. I am glad you came up for air-I was relieved..wheww! lol pj's -
I don't have much to say but..wow.. I really love this.
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A stellar story-poem. It oozes atmosphere and mood, has an ambience that captivates the reader. And such a creative metaphor and imagery you've spun. I truly love this piece.
Paris
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Great poem! Good luck in the contest. I am sure you will be splendid. I was born in Florida.
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gorgeous - you had me from "wrestling with its weight
heavy as my fear of deep water." This piece works as a literal description, but it's also so much deeper than that. This is who you (or the narrator) is, how you deal, how you can 'swim out of your fear.' This a wonderful piece - I hope you're proud of it! Good luck in the contest and good job!
~Christy -
very good imagery! i felt like i was actually out there swimming.
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The only way to live come up for air!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Very good write...I found this to be very thought provoking....great concept and very insightful.
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Well it is a true and very deep poem keeping the flow of the heart through and through too.The thoughts are very reflective and hhandeled very carefully expressing the story of the muse in respect to its ill effects over the existance of the of the humanbeings too.The impact of the write is very meaningful over the mind of he readers too.The beauty of the write lies in its metaphors which are shingng from begining to the end of the poem as well.It is just a great and beautiful and heartfelt work too. Prabhudayal khattar
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This makes sense - let the rock represent fear and leave it there - not longer in your presence, no longer part of you. Nicely written.
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Fantastic flow, splendid imagery...wonderfuly crafted write.
"sink for hours, sink for years
into my fears where I sit holding that rock
until my need for air
makes me turn loose and swim
out of my fear, back to the top."
Great work.
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You go girl. what a kick-ass poem!
oh man! I'm glad to see you back and writing again!
~Tristâo
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So many amazing images in this piece. It is well crafted, well devised and an asset to our contest. I am glad to see you here.
Mary
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how self-insightful. I was kind of thrown in the beginning as I could not relate the rock and the deep water ( it was making no sense) until I continued reading and all fell into place. Conquering fears and breathing once you have looked them into the eye...I loved it , and best wishes in the contest,
reenie
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This is an excellent entry in the contest, certainly a very strong piece. Thanks for entering it.
Al -
what I love most about this poem is its concept, how it offers such insight into your psyche, how it reveals the way you deal with fear. the deep dark water motif is a brilliant poetic devise, whether it is literal or symbolic or a flight of fancy.
I love the imagery, from the skull-sized stone to the splashing into the stars. it's all so evocative. you write with a smooth meter, a subtle rhyme here and there to keep the tale poetic, and an edge-of-the-seat storyline.
this is really good, femme ~ one hell of a come-back poem after a year of not posting anything. I hope it signals a return of more fabulous poetry from you. you've always been one of my favorites on this site.
~travis
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Wow, good write. The water could be both literal and figurative, I like that. When I'm scared, I tend to sleep it off.
~Kate -
Yes I began reading bracing myself for a shark attack or something like that! But I was so pleasantly surprised to spend your quiet moments with you in the water... wow.
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**Whew!** for a moment I thought this was going to be another suicide note or something. Well written and the incidental rhyming adding to the congealing of the peice.
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Very intresting write! I like it. Overcoming our fears is a challenge for all of us. Great write. Thanks for sharing.
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Excellent!! Beautifully Crafted!!
Beautifully crafted as each stanza flows to the next the experiences and imageries define the the struggle/survival and become an experience the reader shares with you
Alas, I am out of applause and this wonderfu piece is so deserving Excellent two thumbs up ... wonderfully, captivating!!
Wishing you much success in all of your endeavors
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This is a great piece dear friend.
Shahrzad -
Wooo hooooo!! A new poem from the inimitable Ms Femme! How great to see this from you.
The idea in this poem reminds me of the notion of writing down your devils on pieces of paper and burning them one by one. This, however, carrying a large stone into the middle of a lake, is a new twist. What a wonderful image. It hits me close to my core, too, as I am absolutely NOT a water person - I sink, even without the stone - and so my own fear crept in, made the release visceral.
Your words make clear the solitude of this process of letting go, not seen even by the moon. I love how you finish, splashing into the stars - wonderful.
I notice you've been around a bit more, lately; so nice to see you.
Z -
This is something I could never do at night much less in the daytime. Very good work.
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this is AMAZING, its such an interesting concept, such a way to describe your weight upon your shoulders, and then letting it sink to the bottom of the waters, leaving it behind. thats great, i wish i could find a way to do that
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Nice poem! Where do you live in Florida? I live I Winter Park.
Do you by chance, slam or participate in spoken word? If not, the dyanmaic imagery and emotional weight (no pun intended) of this piece are stunning. I think this has high potential to be recieved well if performed in front of an audience.
If you live nearby in the Winter Park/Orlando area, I'd love to see you come out sometime. Hit me back, and I'll be more than glad to direct you to a few venues.
Also, I'm defintiely going to be readign mroe of your work. Please feel free to return the favor and brwose through the body of my own catalogue of material.
-Curtis Meyer -
Nicely put together
This is a remarkable read. You describe the very emotions and how they weigh you down. I think that you are right as well. When something happens that brings you down, you have to go against the idea of getting over it. Sometimes you have to feel that pain and remember how it feels before you can get back up again. Very good writing. -
wow! this is a truly brilliant poem, good work!
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i really loved this poem and how it talks about overcoming your fears. good luck with the contest.
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This was a brilliant metaphor for overcoming fears. You've inspired to me to go and write my own poem now. I loved these two lines:
"where not even the moon watches.
I drink the air deep"
Great imagery there. Mostly dark but it had a calming end.
Great write. xxxx
Edited on Jan 21, 1:29 p.m. because ''. -
Good metaphoric way of getting things off your chest- not only fear but distress and worry. This was nice and calming!
Shade -
Woah, this was a little weird. I like the therapeutic measures this decribes. To drown all your fears- a good idea. I wish it was possible.
This was nicely written and nice to read. Good work!
-Julie -
Shed the fear by treading and breathing heavily, thinking of death instead of the fear. I like this poem and its details. Everyone has their way of ridding themself of fear and yours is a unique idea. For me,,,I choose walking. Thanks for featuring and sharing your emotions.
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Wow ! This sounds like shock therapy... especially to the mind of a non-swimmer like myself. An enjoyable read. Best of luck in the contest. ~Jim
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Oh my! This is an awesome write. I enjoyed reading this very much. It is so deep and I loved the detail and motion! I loved how it flowed. Interesting topic, but I liked how you kept saying things about "the rock". It was very nicely written!
Elyse -
very nice...its sensative to the subject...
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This is a very good one. Perhaps it is literal, but I can't help but think that piece contains many metaphors. Good flow, cool concept.
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Intriguing
This therapeutic kind of ritual you practice in order to overcome your fears is bold and most intriguing.
I would be to afraid to take chances like that with no one
around to come to my rescue if need be.
It just only shows the power of the mind and will within
us to surmount any obstacles in our way.
A most enchanting and suspenseful write with a calming
conclusion!
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I really like this. The comparason to your heavy fears and the rock,letting it go but only after holding on until it was do or die. How often do we all do that, holding onto something that is better let go because we know it o so well.
I hope you were able to let go of your fears. I personally have no great fear of deep water, but then i am a pices and have always felt the call of the deep. -
Wow! This is great! It had amazing imagery and I was hooked onto this write! Seriously! This is really really really good! Keep penning!
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ The Rocker who lost all aka Sacred Shadows -
Overcoming fears. Nice poem. I know I am afraid of deep waters but that is because I am afraid of Jaws...even whem I am at a lake. Good Luck in your competition. Write on.
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The story/message behind this poem is a good one but what really struck me was the imagery. The whole poem swam in darkness... it settled like a lump at the bottom of my stomach. There was enough description to make out the murkiness. And yet somehow, in the final stanza, it evolved into beauty. It flowered into clear night and stars.
Remarkable.
~FadedStories -
OMG!! this piece totally spoke to me you really let it show that people need to release their fears. i hope you win the contest you totally dessearve it!
I have all the time for reading good writes anytime,
moonbabe458 -
Wow. I really think this poem is Awesome!!! I have a fear of deep water and drowning but i would never do that, too scary.lol. But i loved the flow and style of this poem. It shows how to get rid of fears even thought i wouldn't do it. Great Job!!!!!
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excellant
this was very multi layered and a wonderful piece on releasing fears. well visualized, enjoyed it!! -
I enjoyed the ambience of this piece as well as the story. My favorite line is, "where not even the moon watches." because of the apparent contradiction being that you are out in the middle of the water, presumably beneath and in plain view of the eye of the moon. I know that perhaps it is overcast, but I think it better if it isn't (smile)
Great job illustrating an instructive theme. The last line, as diametrically opposed to the submergence into the water, works very well... -
I confess that I too have a fear of deep dark water, and this is a damn good way to overcome that fear - plunge right into it.
I dig the multi-layers of this poem. It works on a literal level as well as on a metaphorical level. Brilliant, really. I think you should do well in this contest. I certainly wish you well.
And it's been too damn long since you've posted a poem! I'm glad to see you writing again.
~Cisco
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