I saw a shifting shape of wispy white,
a movement in the corner of my eye,
the stuff of fireside tales, a thing of fright.
A ghost who rattles chains in dark of night
this one was not, it uttered not a sigh,
I saw a shifting shape of wispy white.
And could there be a more alarming sight
when waxing moon is bright in midnight sky?
The stuff of fireside tales, a thing of fright,
a shade that only fled before the light
and as I called, but faster did it fly;
I saw a shifting shape of wispy white.
Poor soul, what could be done to help his plight?
Perhaps the one in need of aid was I.
The stuff of fireside tales, a thing of fright,
a ghost or not, I'll never know aright,
the eyes play tricks and vision goes awry.
I saw a shifting shape of wispy white,
the stuff of fireside tales, a thing of fright.
Author notes
Time for a little comic relief. Thanks to Yemassee for suggesting that Castle Huguelot has a ghost. He said, "I looked down the hall and saw something white. Sir Hugh, I fear you have a ghost! "
Written January 19th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- write me a rhyming poem which doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out. by g r e y i s m.
400 points, ended March 16, 2006, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
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Dear Margaret,
I found your poem very interesting and I believe in the spirit world, especially shape shifters.
I enjoyed reading your poem about them.
Hine
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Thank you Hine
I'm glad you enjoyed this. I know a lot of people believe in these and so I tried to treat the subject with respect as well as fun. 
Perhaps I will see one someday.
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excellent~
I didn't know this was a Villanne until I got done reading....
You have presented this spooky tale wonderfully....
I entered this one too hope you drop by and visit me as well
Hugs
Susan~~~
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crystaldust 06-05-07 16:20
Oh, I like this one, Margaret G. It drifts with strength through each verse helped on by precise rhyme. Best of luck for a win.
Joy -
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Thank you very much Joy, for your kind comment. Good luck to you too!
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Well done!
I enjoyed your villanelle very much! Good Luck in the contest!
Maureen
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Thank you Maureen, and good luck to you!
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lol dang you guys....
I would rather wet my bed than get up tonight and paddle down the halls....
so I will lay in my puddle of a muddle just for this...dang that yem -
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Now Carol, your tale is as good as any of ours! Best of luck!
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Well, this is my first time for reading this, it looks like, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The form is perfectly written and the story itself is great
Good luck in the contest
Dee
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Thank you Dee, I'm glad you enjoyed this. Best of luck to you!
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Dear Margaret,
I admired this villanelle very much when I first read it last year and my admiration is no less on re-reading it.
The repeated lines are well woven into the fabric of the poem and the ideas and rhyming are inventive and well crafted.
Good luck in the contest.
Applause, love and hugs, XXX Hugh R.
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It's an oldie, but good things are still good a year later. Thanks for your lovely comment and applause.
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Dear Margaret,
Seeing a ghost is an amazing experience, I saw one once when I visited a Haunted Castle. Boy! Was it scary! I know this is only fiction Margaret but you make it feel so real. A beaut poem.
Jen.
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Thank you Jen I had fun imagining this one, and I'm happy you enjoyed it. I've had a few creepy experiences, but saw no apparitions like this.
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I see my previous comment from when I was Mr. Franky. Oh I liked mr. Franky but I found I just couldn't be as mean as it took to be funny. I'm no Borat I guess.
Man, Angelica wants to cut my head off because I don't believe in ghosts, lol.
But hey, you are my proof, I saw a ghost in Huguelot!
I'll let Yem's (not Mr. Franky's) comment below stand for what I feel now, it still stands. Ah, maybe Angelica read Mr. Franky's comment and thought I was being serious, lol.
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Loved it!
Dear Sweetpea.
AHHH, This is grand and believe it or not, there are shifting shapes that are ghost's and do look whispy. They're called shape shifters. So ignore Yem.
He'd probably have to change his pants if he saw a ghost.
I love it dear friend and thankyou for entering our group contest.
Joan
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Angelica, that wasn't me, it was Mr. Franky! He left AP many months ago.
I still miss him, lol. -
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OK Yem, well he would have to change his pants!
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Thank you Joan - I have not seen these shapes myself, so I'm glad that there is some accuracy in this wild (fictional) tale!
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oooo.... I love a good ghostly one. Thanks; I will be taking a look through this list as time allows.
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Thanks ea. Have a great day!
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Thanks.
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Not much to say here...Nice write.
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Thanks PunkedPixie. This was fun to write, I'm happy that you enjoy it too.
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This poem is wonderful! I loved it. Ah, good ole ghosts. You know, I have never written a villanelle, maybe I should try it sometime. You did a wonderful job rhyming and keeping the meter straight. Congratulations!
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Congradulations. Great write.
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Well I must remember to thank Yem some time! You have used the villanelle very effectively. the joining of the stanzas makes it much easier to hide the refrains, allowing them to be tied into the next line.
Yeah a nice shift, but still a bit reflective.
I think you could write some rather good ghost stories. -
That is okay, I just want to share my knowledge...and sell my books.
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Thank you for your erudite and informative comment, Mr Franky. I am still a beginner with all of these poetic forms, and so preoccupied with other matters I'm unable to study the norms. I'll do what I can to salvage this poor example of a villanelle.
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You are obviously a beginning poet. It is a nice first try at a deceptively difficult form. Roger Villanelle, who invented the form, was a dilettante and never should have created this ridiculous form.
Take for example your repetition...it falls flat because you probably aren't aware that in a real Villanelle, the rhyme must be multi-syballic. It is a flaw my students always ignore.
Your use of the Aintage (the "a" and "i" useage as beginning letters in your "Villanelle," is unpredictable. Take a look...ai/ia, but then ai/ai. It doesn't work like that, but you're a beginner and didn't know any better.
It is also a general faux pas to address the supernatural in a Villanelle (see: Shrockets Quarterly, Feb. 1989.) Like the haiku, nature should be the theme...except...if you use the Hymnal Villanelle (see Bacon's "God is My Witness") Then it is permissible.
Also in your penultimate line...shapes do not shift, they shimmer...unless of course it is a very dark night, in which they glisten. I worked as a candle salesman before becoming a Professor at Merryloyal College.
My book, "tanizaki preferred nettles" is coming out in the Spring, I hope you buy a copy.
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The only things that go bump in the night are people.
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What do I believe "in the traditional sense?"
I believe there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in our philosophy, in supernatural manifestations, and life after death. Is that ghosts? Not really.
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Not sure what Sir Hugh saw...but it wasn't the ghost I saw, lol. I like the "fireside tales" it evokes that feeling of reading books around a fire. my old dead writing friend Wilkie Collins, would be proud of you for writing this...that is what this poem reminds me of...his long forgotten novels, "A Woman In White" and "The Moonstone." Then he got goofy and tried to save the world in his fiction...an ability he didn't have. Oh, sorry, I tend to get that way sometimes.
For a guy who knows nothing aboutpoetry, I've read a lot of villanelles lately and actually understand (to a degree) how to write one...where was I?
Oh yes, villanelles, when well written like yours, are fun to read because the refrain (stealing Mariza's word) is pleasant to the "ear."
Do you believe in ghosts? (In the traditional sense...trying to supercede your possible diluting of the question.)
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That's some apparition! A corporeal full-colour pie-muncher! Has anyone tried reasoning with her?
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Dear Margaret,
Your 'vision' may well have been, as Dickens so aptly put it in his "Christmas Carol": "an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato." Often too, a trick of light can cause strange effects
on the sight, just as reading some of Yem's writings can cause a distortion of the mind.
Whatever the cause of your aberration, your villanelle is graphically descriptive and inventively written. And Yem is quite right about the Ghost of Huguelot castle. We have tried exorcism, prayer meetings, change of socks, walking backwards, even swabbing the floors with Rose Rush and, finally in desperation, spraying MOXIE over the entire surface of the hall, but STILL the white spectre with the Purple Cow T-shirt, pink thongs and fur-lined high-heeled thigh boots sits on the lower step eating meat pies!! All very disturbing because we have to sweep up the pastry crumbs in the morning.
Applause, love and hugz, XXX Hugh. -
I swear I have ghosts in my home -- it's when we are fast asleep that I think they come out. I don't drink my drink at night, but sometimes it mysteriously goes down by itself!
The floorboards creek sometimes, especially upstairs, it's scary!
Back to your write -- an excellent villanelle with clear imagery, and different from the usual writes. Still, writing in diffrent styles is cool indeed. Yem helped you? Lol wonder what other suggestions he may give you in the future
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I've been serious lately, this breaks that mood.
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Hey, this is something different than your usual writes
I enjoyed the pictures here, and while reading it, I thought of times of my childhood when every shadow was a ghost in my mind lol
Yem will pleased to have inspired you (again), and ghosts haunting castles... hm, maybe he'll come with a story for that one
A very pleasant Villanelle Marg, excellent use of refrains!!!
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