*Milkers at daybreak
*
*by Lyndon*
Venus rises
over river fogs.
Grey cowsheds appear.
Peach-blow flares the east.
Honey-eaters mob mopokes
back in bush gullies.
Far stars fade from view.
Kookaburras chorus, perched high,
white underbellies tinged with fire.
‘Wake!’ woompoos the fruit-dove.
Trails leap to hilltops.
Fence-posts stand straight,
define who we are ...
people who keep ourselves
to ourselves, in prisons
we term private estates.
Roads slide to visible, flow
like black snakes to swamps;
like a Rainbow Lorie’s flash.
The farmer wakes his Venus
from odours of sleep.
She wriggles into black ‘Wellies’.
They dream through their routine
as first rays touch cows,
machines clunk and suck milk.
Skinks crawl to the sun.
Beasts slouch; milkers doze;
heads rest on cows’ bellies.
Someone has to do the milking …
when you come to think on it!
The sun sheds enlightenment and agrees.
Kookaburras, lacking subtlety
... and taste,
chortle … again!
Venus fades; fogs rise.
Author notes
Dairy farms are a tie, especially earely morning milking. I know; I spent my boyhood in cowsheds.
Written January 14th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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The turn of the day from start to finish was handled extremely well, I loved your usage of Venus instead of the sun, so many bodies are in the heavens and we forget to mention them, but low and behold, we witness their passing every day
The imagery of sights and sounds of life were well thought out, almost as if stepping on stones to cross the pond, each leading to the next creating a sort of time lapsed photography, excellent write indeed!
I've read Susan's poem using the form and now this and each are different yet hold similarities, I'm trying to figure out what is the specifics to it, I'd like to try one hehehe
Have a great day! Blessings
Sandi
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This brought back so many memories, but some how I do not remember that sunrise. I remember the cold and the constant drizzle. I remember it being dark, and my one cow being very patient with me.
I was in 4-H and she was my project cow.
Your poem sort of made me jealous. Your description and details each inconsequential on its own worked to make a vivid image. I never know if that is because I can relate to the picture or if some city slicker who has never met a cow would be able to get a sense of the morning as well.
well worth reading several times, for its quality and the nostagia.
Susan -
Thank you for your comments. A skink is a small lizard that follows the sun while on vertical uprights, especially in winter. No, I do not think the poem is like Dylan Thomas tumbling images. Yeah, milking cows seems a quiet task but it is really a weary grind. I tried to portray a bit of weariness. Ron (Lyndon).
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I am fond of Dylan Thomas, but this didn't remind me of him. It reminded me of John Greenleaf Whittier. It has that same sly poignancy that he exhibits in poems like "In School Days". I milked enough cows in my time to dislike cows intensely, although I still drink milk, however it has to be chocolate milk. I must say that this is a very pleasant little piece, and very well done. What is a skink though? I'm not familiar with any animals by that name. Anyway, good job.
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Thank you. The link was worth it. re-read it confirming my memories. You are kind and thoughtful.
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Ah, no I wasn't familiar with that one, but I just looked it up and yes, it is his wonderful imagery that begs to be recited for its sounds
"Poem In October" www.bigeye.com/october.htm
Thank you!
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Of course I have. My favourite poem of his is full of tumbling images
October Blood*. I think we have a good idea of what we share by now - know that?
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Are you kidding? Good of course!
Dylan Thomas' "Under Milkwood" is my absolute favourite masterpiece of poetic prose. Have you ever heard it narrated by Richard Burton? - the best!
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Isn't it lovely to touch base with childhood for you and for me? Yes, I helped my parents milk a few cows by hand. My father set off to his other farm and I did the separating for cream. We were not well off but we always seemed to have cream on our strawberries! And a sow with her piglets had the separated milk. Dylan Thomas? Interesting .... Is that good or bad? Lyn.
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Ooh, this is a gorgeous mix of nostalgic sights, sounds and smells for me (with the Aussie fauna); so beautifully written, Lyn!
I grew up on sheep and wheat farms in NSW, where the cows still had to be milked for our own needs. My father did the milking in the early morning, by hand of course.
Funny thing is we called "Wellies" 'gum boots', I only ever heard English people call them 'Wellies' (Wellington boots).
Thank you for the wonderful, sensory feel of an early Aussie morning - with kookaburras, fruit doves and mopokes. I loved the casual, narrative style of this.. a little reminiscent of Dylan Thomas.
~Gen
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Thanks Lyn, I'm surprised I haven't heard of it before, I love owls. And I'm thinking about taking a day in the country to inspire some free verse. There's nowhere more inspiring to me, except the beach or the glens, neither of which are an option right now.
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Thank you, Roz. The mopoke is an owl in Australia. It does not mind being in forests near to farms. Its name is Ninox novaeseelandiae - not very poetical! It is heard at night crying "Mo - poke" The mo is high pitched and the poke is 4 notes lower on the stave! Oh, you will be able to write free verse! Lyndon
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Love this poem and maybe it's partly coz I can relate to it being country born, I can just see it all in my head. Wish I could write free style like this but I don't consider that I can. And do please excuse my ignorance, but what's mopokes?
Beautiful write.
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Thank you for reading the poem, Bazza. Dairy farming is a drag without great remuneration especially for Share Farmers. I suppose the picture is quaint. Hadn't thought about that. Lyndon
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Vividy painted.
Quaintly painted poem of the life of the average dairy farmer. -
Aliana, thank you. You see how I set the poem in nature but spoke to the human condition in dairy people being slaves to their job. And so it is with a lot of life. Although if I had to make a living selling my poems I would starve! lol.
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This is very poetic Lyndon; being a country dweller in my youth I can relate to the images of which you speak and I think I even smelt the cows . I liked the flow of the poem and how it began at sunrise and faded to sunset... very nice
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I understand all. But that is your embellished poem. My verse is tonally understated. It suits a farmer's perspective, without flourish. You cannot rewrite my poem; however, you could help with less rigorous ideas of free verse, I should think. All poems have a lot of potential. Tennyson polished his for years. Critiquing is one thing; replying in kind is another, my friend. And punctuation is my idea to help a reading with or without your idea of rhythm. My rhythm is in tune with speech rhythms, not meters! Sincerely, Lyndon.
Edited on Jan 16, 6:50 because ''. -
What a great picture you drew here with words. I saw the fog disappear when the sun came up and the lovely birds started singing. Such a peaceful sight. Next to that the farmers milking their cows in the morning. Beautiful images. Very well done Lyndon. Anna.
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Yes, in my part of Australia, we think it is God's little Eden. Ron
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Kathleen, it is a pleasure to know you. I am not a Christian who pushes my views. Iam a Quakerly Australian. Would you care at some time to read my latest poem. Surprise: it's a hymn without a tune! Ron
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Refreshing, unique... a tribute to nature and
You have captured the morning yawn and it is beautifully tainted with natures orchestra the handiwork becomes artitistic beauty of the artist as well as the reader Thank you for taking me away to such a beautiful place
Wishing you and yours much success in all of your endeavors
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I love the imagery here! I think you have developed it as much as needed to describe an idyllic scene, in the life of a dairy farmer. To add more description would detract rather than add.
I also liked the form, I think line breaks, and commas, etc., are sometimes better understood if a poem is read out loud.
"Trails leap to hilltops.
Fence-posts stand straight,
define who we are "
I love that stanza! I really enjoyed reading this Lyn! Thank you for a great morning read, delicious with coffee!
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Has potential
This poem has a lot of potential. A critique:
Form and structure: The use of free verse here is good but think about changing some of your line breaks to help the
rythmn.
Think about reducing the number of stanzas and experimenting with more traditional forms to help the rythmn as well.
Think about adding some commas and deleting some of your full stops. This would also help.
Language: There are some nice touches here esp with details of the farm and local wildlife. Nice.
Imagery: This is one area that I think needs to be developed further. You've made a good start already with images such as
'Kookaburras chorus, perched high,
white underbellies tinged with fire'
and the personification of the sun and animals but consider extending this throughout the poem.
You've made a good start, keep up the good work!
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Linda, thank you for rfeading it. I should tell my children a few more yarns! Lyndon
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lol..dad.. I lived next to a milking farm.. for 17 years and in half a farm house for 6 months, seen it done it, some fun learning what to do, even watch births, awesome times.. thank you for write this and letting me relive the good "ole" days.. Lin..
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Albert, Thank you very much. I guess we should be writing about daily life instead of lerv, lerv, lerv! Lyndon
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A great piece of writing – A rural picture from someone that has obviously been there. It is a really tough life far from the muse of the poets pen – But you have bridged the gulf admirably – Albert.
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Elizabeth, thank you for reading my poem. It is pleasant to see a pointed remark that is sincere. Best wishes. Lyndon
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Milking Fun
Very well written.You described a mundane task with great eloquence and beautiful imagery.Nature is so cheerful in the morning but we are still yawning.The idea of Venus in her wellies is great and somehow you took away the early morning pain and made it beauteous.Elizabeth
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