Our cold breath
Makes mist magically appear.
We walk on winding paths,
Through hills
As the sun reaches over the ridge.
The river by our side,
Flowing, slowly,
The water pushing on...
Trees stand in columns
holding the Earth from the sky.
Shadows, shade, and light
Paint pictures on the floor,
Abstract images of gold, green, and brown.
We stand silently and listen,
As the fresh breeze softly
Clears the leaves away...
Author notes
We went on a trip for English class to the mountains and we wrote things like this. It was really fun, the mountains where I live are very beautiful.
Written January 9th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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It's a very straight forward natural piece. The part that stands apart is the lines about the trees holding the earth from the sky, like pillars. I like that. Everything else was written well enough to paint a serene picture of the area. You can close your eyes and see the river, hills, and the movement of wind and nature around you. Very good.
~Pedro~
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Thank you for commenting. I appreciate it. I very much enjoyed yours as well.
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Wonderful little poem; your imagery is beautiful and your flow is good. You wrote an original poem about a well used subject… good job. One thing, it’s my pet peeve and just my opinion: drop the commas at the end of the lines. They detract from the aesthetics of the poem and they aren’t necessary, your flow is good enough. Amera
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Mountains are indeed beautiful and majestic. Nature makes for great poetry writing. Rivers are calm and peaceful.
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This was very breathtaking and beautiful. I loved it...I think that you had a great experience from the sounds of this poem.
Kamala Kari -
You have used impressive images!!
A lively picture that is at the same time very peaceful!
Very well done.
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love it... keep up the great work
love always
~Noor~ lalalolo11 monke(nickname) -
love the imagery, flows so well, keep writing, well done KEEP ROCKIN!
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I have to say being Native American I thought this poem sang a beautiful song!!! Very well done!!
Lena -
Amazing
That was beautiful. I love the way it flows. The words, the structure...everything was just so perfect. Especially this part:
Shadows, shade, and light
Paint pictures on the floor,
Abstract images of gold, green, and brown.
You have a lot of talent, as evidenced by your artwork. Very well done. -
Wow. I liked the part where you said "Paint pictures on the floor". That part was my favorite in the whole poem. It was a great write, all the same though! Awesmoe poem, and keep writing!
Elyse -
I like this poem, and the picture that came together with it. good job.
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Publish Stage
Extremely vivid and memorable syntax--with wonderful lines (esp. the trees holding back the sky)...just a superb poem capturing a magical moment where heart, mind, and soul entertwine with the natural surroundings in perfect symphony! -
Lovely images you have created through your words in this poem -sounds like it was a great field trip.
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That is a very nice picture that you painted out wtih your words...I think it would sound really nice if you added some more emotion to it though...just my opinion.
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Beautiful!
Very decent observation of the area around your mountains
This poema seems like a piece of something much bigger; especialy with the last line.
My favorite part is:
Shadows, shade, and light
Paint pictures on the floor,.
That right there did it for me; I always look at the shadows of trees, and you put that in there perfectly. This whole poema was vivid in imagery, no wasted space. Me encanta!
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You really painted a beautiful picture in this poem - there is this peaceful feeling about it which I really enjoyed. I also liked the way the poem went from breath to breeze - the last two lines are my personal favourites, but I generally loved the rich imagery in this poem. A wonderfully written poem indeed!
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