Likeness
a shadow-figure bounces limb to limb
dropped from high within a lobe-leafed crown
to settle in sere blades of weedy grass
cast from a dreamtime archetype
with lifelike detailed lifelessness
the image shines absorbing light
motionless by roots that vanish deep
it stares face-up awaiting scrutiny
with all the passion of an obelisk
no hint of air disturbs its place
those steady strands that broke its fall
as if to catch a secret prize
Presence
concealed in part by leaf and limb
a single pair of talons scratch
against imperfect plates of bark
a shard of rough obsidian regards
the hidden topside of a sturdy branch
where unseen from the ground an icon lures
all that stirs the careful air
is feathered curiosity
that taps and probes a private find
shelled by billowed tufts of nimbus green
the living marker cocks desultory glances
working to unlock its mystery
Metamorphosis
human arms reach out to merge with wings
that beat and glide within a canyon formed
by sprawling concrete towers gray with age
human legs press back against the quills
that turn their flight down narrow lanes of stone
led by blindsight to a courtyard park
and here within there stands and spreads
the only living structure found
amidst this city lost to time
amid the dreamscapes of the mind
and in the shade of gaze and bough
one hand holds a figurine
that splits along its downy breast
where silver light shines from its depths
Author notes
to learn more about the trisect: allpoetry.com/Column/1780251/all=1
Written January 7th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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this is a great piece of work! very complex and the meaning is deep rooted!
You're wording was phenomenal in this piece and the over-all poem was extraordinary. You also incorporated nice imagery, and it was an extraordinary read.
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Prodigious
All I can say is....WOW! This is absolutely breathtaking in every word, every phrase. The imagery is astounding, as are the adjectives used throughout this metamorphosis. I love the phrase.
"amidst this city lost to time
amid the dreamscapes of the mind"
Truly marvelous. Great job! I'm still speechless! And unto you, may the light of genius shine, for you have found your calling. Outstanding!!!
. Rewarded 4
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I think i like it, i admit i struggled to really understand it, some of it went over my head, please dont mistake me for being an ignorant soul, i sensed transformation, death, a dark air flooding words and distilling them with depression, heavy thoughts and heavy hearts, sorry i dont know how else to describe it, im so inarticulate sometimes
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not exactly sure what i make of this, maybe i will read it again tomorrow and comment, keep you in suspense
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sixteen huh? when i was sixteen i could barely articulate my thoughts beyond a few shuddering stutters followed a spastic sigh of exasperation. you--you're words are remarkably well thought out and wonderfully articulate. you'll go far in life.
thanks again. there's something very pleasent about having the attention and thoughts of a mind like yours.
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Your titles really say it all in these pieces. I love the way you tie everything together in the last piece, too. What struck me this time was in the first, there's nothing real, only an image, as it were, an ideal likeness not reached. In 'presence', it appears that someone has turned a shadowy dream into something possible, something tangible, but not yet attainable. In 'metamorphisis', which is my fvorite of the three, it appears to describe the changing of a dream into reality. Your very subtle, and though I am not sure if i am right, this is because your work is very deep, and I am only sixteen. It still takes me time to interpret. Your last line:
where silver light shines from its depths
Made me think of an idea escaping from one's head, because I imagine that something of that sort could be represented this way. Your imagery is simply dazzling, and your metaphor usage is some of the best I've ever seen. -
awesome
I sat for a while with dictionary in hand, trying to piece this one together. And from it, I think I may have deduced that a person has discovered a raven figurine among the grass under a tree. What I'm trying to determine is if the person used to be a raven himself, and only discovered the raven figurine because ravens like to collect shiny things. So interesting, that the figurine would attract a person/other raven by the same habit that it itself is a representation of having.
Although, I also read the first bit in the explanation of the trisect form, and so I am aware that this could very well just be my interpretation of something, and that it might not really be what you had in mind while writing it. -
good
awesome poetry..........you are a great poet. i think that you can go far in your poetry -
wow
Offering my applaud, a mere token for such a wonderful poem. Your language is honed and precise; no clichés or overused metaphors....in fact your unique voice sets you aside ...deep meaningful imagery is artfully penned ...no wandering lapses of continuity.
Is it practice and hard work, or do you find your muse so oftenly generous of your minds secrets...
Darmok
"motionless by roots that vanish deep
it stares face-up awaiting scrutiny
with all the passion of an obelisk"
(abysal;void)wow!
Edited on Feb 13, 5:33 p.m. because 'ha~!'. -
alright
That was really good. -
Nice trisect, your writing is mindblowing I do have to say. What made you suddenly decide to write this poem, just curious, but it won't really have a bearing on my decision to like this piece of work. Bravo!
Rosita -
So each "segment" has to do with each other but it almost changes the image everytime you change a segment? Tell me if I got it right. I am confused on some things.
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excellent write
This is quite an intriguing write. The funny thing is that it reminds me of Dahlgren. There's no real connection there, but the entire gestalt of this seems dreamlike, and at the same time it deals with reality in very specific imagery. I would suggest you pop this off to somebody right away.
Edited on Jan 19, 6:34 p.m. because 'typo'. -
i love your poem realy good
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awsome
hey wuz up that was a really good poem.keep up the good work and keep god on your side.and from seeing your pic you look like you could be a very sweet guy. -
eeire
Thanks Erin this physchological shocker is harmless yet eerie at the same time, I'm not so good on Stanza critisism but the titles are cool ie Metomorphisis etc, yeh good stuff. -
bluff:
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Hi Erin!
The other day I was at the local 7-11 and noticed a dead pigeon at the curb. When I made my purchase I returned to my car and glanced down at the bird again. He/she was breathing!
I had a hunch it was dying, but took it home with me and put it in a box with some wet bread crumbs.
I thought, "why should this bird die tormented by the cold wind that in former times carried it aloft to soar with his friends?"
He was gone the next morning, too sick to even have touched his food.
I thoroughly enjoyed the reading of this poem.
Likeness, presence and metamorphosis......three ravens.
Regards..............................John
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no hard werds no special meanings just - it's awsum
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This is like a fairy land of thoughts. Allow me to ask for your forgivness for my earlier reply. I should of just said thank you and left it at that. Sometimes I say more than I should. Good write!
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maria: there is no off base, really. in a sense, this form (and style) of poety is designed to be 'mis'intepreted. so, what you see and what you experience when reading a trisect--whatever that is--is exactly what you're supposed to see and experience.
although i know what inspired this poem, the story behind it, and what all the symbolic language points to, both referentially as well as emotionally, it is up to the reader of a trisect to determine his or her own experience with the poem, what the connections are between the three parts, what each word and phrase means and represents. the form is designed to utilize the interpretive processes of the reader. each reader will determine the value of the poem's content and meaning for his or herself during the process of imparting meaning upon the words.
it is possible for the reader to experience the poem in a way that is similar to the writer's experience writing it, but not probable. what i get as the writer of this poem from your telling me about your experience with it is a deeper understanding into how the language worked within the poem to invoke creative (interactively so) response and to evoke emotional reactions.
might sound a bit heady... maybe it is.
but this is an aspect of where i'm at in my exploration of poetry.
if you wanted to share more of your experience with this poem, please do. i'm very interested in it.
Edited on Jan 13, 2:57 p.m. because ''. -
Erin
Hi! What a beautiful way with words you have. What I see in a poem is quite often what I feel. I will do my best although right now I do not have much time on my hands, so forgive me if I am unable to see what you see.
The first stanza does not capture my attention as much as I would like it to. There is one raven here, one shadow. Why did you use the word 'dropped'. I get the image of a bird that has fallen and died, killed by a hunter maybe, I don't know. I also agree that the third line is not working. I like the second stanza but I'm not crazy about it. It communicates melancholy and the tone you convey is quite haunting, but in my opinion you could rewrite the stanza using different words, more concrete maybe. Something that I can really see or touch.
If I am totally off base, I shall stop here.
Regards,
Maria -
leaves little to your imagination? would you be willing to go into more detail? if you would, do this for me: tell me what you're seeing and thinking as you go through each stanza. let me see what you're seeing, let me get a clearer idea what your experience with this poem was like.
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Well I clicked and here I am. I did enjoy reading very much. You create a wonderful tone and the rhyme and rhythm are quite coherent. But there is something that just doesn't do it for me. I feel that the poem leaves little to my imagination. I mean perhaps it is overpacked with details. But that's me. I am happy I have read. regards, maria
Edited on Jan 13, 9:28 because 'spelling'. -
well... human arms and wings are limbs. so can we call this a sort of synthesis? a parallelism by association?
good thoughts. i was a little annoyed with "sere blades of weedy grass" myself, but i haven't had a better way of wording it hit me, and it seems very "precise" in my mind as a depiction of what the base of that tree looked like. -
Ellis: hey! a poem-response! i love these.
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Claide: Ah! *whew!!* thak you for clarifying.
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This is very different from my perception of ravens... (The thing that strikes me most about them is their sheer size - compared with other birds, and the fierceness of their beaks), But it is an interesting poem... I am not sure, though about 'sere blades of weedy grass' either adjective would be good alone, but the two together seem a little overdone.
And my feeling for symmetry and linkage makes me wish that, since the first lines of the first two parts end in 'limb' that the first line of the third part could have done so also. -
Beautiful
Words of grace and beauty here
Read aloud I can hear
Sounds of bushes and concrete
Rough, tough, gentle, and at last sweet
With which Raven do I side
Which one walk with by my side
In which one take the most pride
In which one do I confide -
You are what an amatuer like me would call a 'real' poet. This doesnt have the feeling of being written, more like crafted. The words cunningly melded together to complete the whole. Perfect.
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Yes I do like this poem very much, your use of metaphores is excellent, it has a very good feel to it, you must have been writing for sometime, excellent write and I shall be back to read more I really enjoyed this poem.
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I liked this alot. It painted good mental picture for the reader.
well written and easy to read with the broken-upness of it.
Great read. -
No no, I was clarifying what I said when "the thought and effort that you put into this poem are evident. not to say that this sounds worked to death." It doesn't at all.
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"sounds worked to death"? uh oh... which parts?
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It's always a pleasure to read anything of yours! Metrically, you're a breath of fresh air (your accentuations fall nicely). The thought and effort you've put into this poem are evident. Not to say that this sounds worked to death. Simply that it is wonderful to find that some writers do put their passion and time into their work.
Great job, Mr. Thomas,
- Cor -
Enchanted
Awesome free verse, from a leaf/the talons/to human is so breath taking! You remind me of Mr. Edgar allen Poe in many ways. I must read more of you! Ennovy -
I had to read this a couple times, as I always do, and now I feel absorbed by it.
This is such a wonderful journey from stone, to bird, to human hand! The stanzas were so full of imagery and beauty that a person loses themselves in the words, and you end up not really caring what the underlying story is!
Well done Erin.
And I loved every moment of this flight.
Brillant piece as usual.
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awesome job. this is so cool.
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very very very good, its very well written with beautiful words that perfectly descirbe the action or adjectives, the imagery was off the wall, it was just great.
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Sounds as if this was an entry for a contest at one time, vivid images you have created here - three parts to this journey, interesting title - black birds.
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this is a really kool poem i really liked it and i liked to read this i will go back and read it again!!good poem!!! muah keep it up!
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Wow, I really like ths concept you put together. This is a really good piece. I like the description and the separation of the three main topics, or subjects. This was a really unique and original poem. Great piece. - cgirl0410
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Deep poem, a true joy to read and put thought into. keep up the good work
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CG: yessssss! this is the sort of response i was hoping this poem might elicit from someone. after some significant amount of time has passed, i'll probably post a comment to this poem that talks about the inspiration behind it. but i dare not give anything away. my wife, who knows the whole story behind this poem, loves it for it's ability to reify it for her, but she's one of the few who knows too much! lol
Edited on Jan 12, 4:50 p.m. because ''. -
Wow...dread this boggles my mind a bit..Its wonderous imagery filled perspective loving piece...which suprisingly allows me to imbark on some sort of journey...that i seemingly enjoy
COngrats...I really enjoyed it...Its a intresting piece -
Very much in keeping with the excellent writes of this poet.Appreciate real poetry on these pages .Well done and keep up the motivation at all times
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Exceptional visuals here from leaf to a human trait equivalent. My hopes and wishes are to instil as many one liners that you have managed to do. Beautifully insightful!
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