Beyond our own horizons
Each of us is blind
How can we know that something else exists?
It's ludicrous to think outside the box
When this
little
circle
of
existence
is all we know or need
Simplicity isn't given enough credit
Everything is bigger, stronger
"Better"
But by whose standard?
Must we believe that something is perfect
Simply because it is innovative?
Until we've tried it
our opinion is void
Hence, "tried and true"
Because we surely won't lie about experiencing it
To a drowning man
Water is satan himself
liquefied and forced upon his lungs
But to the parched
Refreshment
is a long-forgotten gift from God
Both would consider the other mad for their ideals
Given out of context
Context, though
Is simply the particular horizon-box
The word is in at the moment it's used
The only term
For the ignorant
But oft encouraged
Belief
That something else is out there beyond our opinion
And that existence is not
a privilege reserved for
us
alone
Is ironically also the favorite word
To describe why we know we're right:
Faith
Author notes
And here I thought this poem was going to be about Noah. Oh well.
^^ hope you can see how the picture influenced me. (The prompt of this contest was to write from the picture). Might do a little touchup but I think I'm good as is.
Please people... don't be afraid to actually say what you think. I'm tired of empty praise comments.
Written January 10th, 2006
A contest entry
- Love isn't the only thing. (Invite only) by vaseline.
300 points, ended January 16, 2006, 2 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Contemplative
I know what you mean about strating off writing about one thing and ending up with another, but I can certainly still see touches of Noah's story in this. It's beautifully crafted, and I know what you mean about question marks-they're nessercary (sorry, I'm a pedant myself but I never could spell that word!) but they always look so damn messy...
As for giving more than just empty praise...well, re-reading it there are one or two bits where the questin marks make it all look a bit messy. But as I said before, that's more the fault of the questin marks than of you! -
this is the kinda stuff i would like to write. im so pissed off but no one seems to notice because everything i write is so abstract. this is raw and honest, yet still beautiful, not cliché and still gets the reader to be hooked on every word.
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I kind of have to agree with Ocerus in that it could be easier to read, although I certainly like a few of the sentiments expressed in the piece, even if I don't quite agree with all of them.
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wow, i like this. damn question marks are required to get that point across. i like the discussion of realities. i am slightly religious myself, and this poem rocked! this is absolutly the truth.I like how your poem makes stepping outside of our boxes very appealing. this gives me deep thoughts and enlightened my soul.i like the way you think deep about things. this poem makes u think and imagine. this is great!
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I'd actually wanted to do this punctuation-less... Some of my pieces, I'm perfect with the mechanics, but this one... periods and commas just felt unnecesary. Sadly, question marks are required to get that point across in our language.
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This is pretty good, but you really need to watch your punctuation. You end stanzas without periods, end ideas without commas, etc., and it makes the read harder to follow. It's actually a good piece, but the punctuation, ay! If you clear that up, you will have a damn fine piece of work here, in my opinion.
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Thought Provoking
Interesting discussion of realities, this.
I don't know, but I've been told there is Hong Kong.
There is much second hand evidence for this;
And so, therefore, I tend to think this is not wrong.
Ellis -
i l;ike it. i am slightly religious myself. and i think that this poem is almost 100 perc3nt true. i think that the ending should stay as is. i like it. the picture still kinda fits with out the noah ending. nice work and keep it up.
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masterpiece
this absolutly the truth, I love this too know end, I have toi say this is by far one of my favorite writes yet, lovely work amazing job.
B.A -
It might comfort you to know that I'm in the same situation you are. I'm undiagnosed due to living situation I'm in, but several of my friends have approached me with the description and shown me that I match essentially the whole list. The disease can be used as an asset when writing though... the tendency to absorb another personality makes it easier to write fiction because you become the characters... and poetry can be a wonderful outlet, as I've found out over the past two years. You're relatively new here, so I'm sure you'll find those things in time... And I'm glad my poem caught you on the white side. I'll take a look at your work
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Heart.
I think your poem is much more honest than anything I feel I could ever write. As your first lines say, beyond our own horizons each of us is blind. As much as I basically feel I don't exist for the most part (I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and basically lack any sort of personality unless it's absorbed by those around me or made up simply of hate... I'm impulsive) I know I still have my own box, and I'm still biased and prejudiced as much as the next person. I like how your poem makes stepping outside of our boxes so much more appealing than "Put yourself in his shoes." I really look forward to reading your other poems, and I hope you read mine as well. Though they might not seem it from face value, they actually do have a lot of meaning. -
I feel so enlightened after reading this! much props!
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Deep thoughts. This is well written and I did like the same stanza that Scarlet Blaze pointed out. I think that is the best part of the poem.
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great!
wow this is really good, i like the way you think deep about things - not enough people do that! xxx -
Brilliantly penned and deeply engraved images an amazing poem
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This is beautiful and thoughtful.
To a drowning man
Water is satan himself
liquefied and forced upon his lungs
But to the parched
Refreshment
Is a long-forgotten gift from God
Both would consider the other mad for their ideals
Given out of context
Is the best paragraph here in my opnion because it holds so much insight. This is an excellent poem, wonderful job!
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
5 old applause
