Food doesn't taste any better with this silver spoon;
The candles on the table' adds nothing to you.
Pulling back the curtains wont light up this room;
A tasteless conversation, completes the mood.
The self-seekers seeking those over priced things;
His fathers handed down, failed life's dreams;
He achieves what his father couldn't, for approval from him;
Only to learn he was chasing the wind.
His heart is black, but his chest is shackled with gold;
He picks a card where the future is sold.
What he wants to hear, is what he is told.
He only believes, in what he can hold.
Wont worry about death, until he is old.
But there's no price you can pay for a man's soul;
And the god of money wont wash away sin;
Soon he will learn he's just chasing the wind.
He keeps a close eye while feeding his flock;
A corporate takeover with a genies plot.
For all his getting, what has he got;
His associates will see him, but his family will not.
He doesn't say much, but he's thinking a lot;
Where has the time gone on this meaningless clock.
For all his planing his future's so dim;
Now he has learned he was just chasing the wind.
Author notes
this was writen about my dad,,who is now in jail..he walk out of my life when i was 8,, for a dream he would never live POY*
A contest entry
- What I Really Did Not Want... by Elrenia.
300 points, ended January 8, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want your best piece. by EnigmasPhilosophy.
950 points, ended March 13, 2007, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 24 Hour Contest---Enter Fast by WhollySurrendered.
475 points, ended March 17, 2007, 33 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your Best Prewrite by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended February 25, 2007, 105 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best Shot by tawk.
425 points, ended February 27, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INSPIRE ME! by calendar girl.
800 points, ended April 28, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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this reminds me of simon & garfunkel, and also, there will be blood. i'm sorry you had to deal with this. great poem, though.
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Sad for more people than just the character. Too often people do not realize that when they decide to chase a dream, blow with the wind... they aren't going it alone but have hearts training behind and not all of them will follow forever, few will ever catch up... and when the wind stops blowing... they don't even know where they are and there is no place to return to.
Great job.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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To be honest, this poem breaks some contest rules but it is very touching and well written otherwise. The flow, word choice, and power are good. The rhyming and refrain made me feel this would make a nice song, but it stands as a poem well. Thanks for entering.
~Diana -
Now it seems as if your rhyme scheme showed more towards the last two thirds of the poem, but regardless it is still a beatiful idea! I love the first line, it reminds me of so many things that brings out so many emotions. I love emotional poems. <3
Good luck in my contest -
Great write, so full of emotions. Good luck in my contest
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Great poem, just watch the grammar,especially in line 2. And you don't seem to use apostrophes...if that's your style, all the power to ya. Good luck in the contest!
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Thanks for entering...This is a really good poem,its so well written..good luck =)
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Understand the sentiments. You have managed to hit all the reasons this society is failing.
There are a few grammar errors in this. You may want to check it again.
Well wishes in the contest.
Thank you for sharing.
rous -
I like the repitation of the chasing of the wind. This is a very nice piece, makes you think about where you lie with your priorities of the future. To chase what you want but can't have is like chasing the wind. I like how you compared the two.
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to chase is not easy but give up is the worst
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A very dynamic piece. Really makes you think about priorities in life. I know people like this and basically they are not that happy...Great piece.
Soulful Woman -
a good poem though i saw quite a few instances where some editing would benefit the piece for example:
mans soul - man's soul
allot - a lot
spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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It is rare to see form handled with the easy grace of a writer with both its necssary study and application and its want of an ear for rythmn.
Well executed. Topic maintined to a logical ...and interesting...resolution.
Excellent, I'd say.
df -
How true-very good from the beginning and telling absolutely the truth-this will make people think about society and about how this world acts-fine criticism at best
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Human society read on!
Love it. Period. Its an awesome poem. I'm not sure you meant this but its like a metaphor for human life! Full of greed and sin and its wonderful!
*~* Mad Hatter Felix -
very inspired write about greed and a great metaphor. But this poem could be stunning, if the misspellings were fixed and the apostrophe for the contractions, etc. was used consistently and correctly. the technicalites detract from the otherwise great flow and the important message. work it out, and keep penning.
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Wow. This poem is so true, so many people live that way and don't realize it until its too late. I really enjoyed reading this, great job.
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Really enjoyed the style- and the message! I would suggest a run through spellcheck and there seem to be some apostrophes missing. Great read, though, thanks!
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i don't really have any money and really don't want any. i rather be loved and give love and be totally happy.
you wrote a great poem here made some very good points.
this is one of the best poems i read all day.
loved it alot.
great job...
joyce
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That was a very good poem, I really liked what you were trying to get across, at first I thought that you were talking about how teenagers in society look for the same thing their parents looked for as children, recognition from the same society they disobeyed but then you go into the whole greed trip and it just moved me, great job and keep up the good work.
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different style favorite line
"Food doesn't taste any better with this silver spoon"
Keep writing really good
Aurielle -
This is probably one of my favorite poems. It had a great point, and easy to follow. Thank you for sharing.
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This will connect with a lot of people along with making the rest of us think within these lines with you.I can really relate to this - I think we all can to some extent! Excellent phrasing and poetic restraint combine to make this an accomplished poem--I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, well done! I am glad I read it. thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways.
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Wow..thanks for entering this..this has really made me think about the things of this world, and, as you've portrayed, you can have all the riches of this world, but you'll never really be happy because it all adds up to nothing in the end. Great job
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thankyou for this entry!
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there was something about this poem that really caught my eye. it kept popping up in my head. very well written. great job.
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BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO!!!! nicly done I like it a lot!!!!The Point is truly a good one!
GOOD LUCK!~ -
WOW
tonz of applauses, and I see why, this was a fnatstic entry
and I LOVe your point and opinion here, fantastic job!!
these r the kina entries Im looking for.,
thx for entering
KAt -
This reminds me alot of "Sounds of Silence" and "Richard Cory Is Dead" -- Simon and Garfunkel. Still the imagery you build in each verse comes together nicely on the repeated line chasing the wind.
The repetition each time nicely shifts the meaning of the line and expands the vision of the previous verse. This makes the structure of your piece a well disciplined action that heightens the delivery of the meaning. You used a subject that frequently becomes cliched in the mere mentioning and took it to places out of reach of anything considered banal. Good jobs and congrats on the win. Love,Tom B. -
Righteous
Hey, I have an assignment for you. Watch "The Edukators" spelled with the 'k'. It deals closely with what you've written about. I mean it, I didn't rent it but it was put in my Netflix slot instead of "Slam," the movie I really wanted to see. I watched it anyway and it's a trip.
As for your piece, very well written, I agree with the message. You could edit the spelling and grammar in places. Alot, not allot. Meaningless not meaning less. Other than the spelling and occasional syllabic errors (for flow's sake) this is one of the better pieces in the contest so far. -
awesome
I like! awesome job... reminds me a lot of the song American Dream by Casting Crowns. I'm guessing you were basing this on the book of ecclesiastes? Either way, well done.
"Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun."
Ecclesiastes 2:11 -
Thank you for your nice words it is nice to hear what editor has to say , cause you would of read allot of poems,, so thank you..
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Thank you, i hope you like some of my other work,,"Chasing the wind" i think is my best but "Whispers of the night" is a good one too,, hope you like it,,
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Exquisite Truth
You have covered well the symptoms of greed with exquisitely woven words. Best of all, you've revealed the futility of it with the metaphor of chasing the wind: perfect. As a publisher's editor,I'm not easily impressed; thus, I am glad I happened to click on this featured poem, for I am very impressed! You have an amazing talent, which you are using for God: can't get any better than that.
Love and hugs
B♥nnieQ
Associate Editor, WA
Waltsan Publishing, TX -
this was a very well written narratie poem....wow. Very sad...you have some lovely lines ...the repetitive *chasing the wind* is wonderful, and hangs heavy....well conveyed
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It is really a heartfelt write revealing the story of the heart and the story of the love too.The thoughts are very dipressed and stating the tearful situation of the love through and through.The metaphor of the wind used here in this work is just a strong and very deep too.The flow of the write is very impressive and just to the point too.I really appreciate this work.prabhudyal khattar
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Well I'm actually very glad you entered this poem even though I have already read it because it's nice to read something so good a second time. I'm still loving this poem. Great work. Keep writing.
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This brought a great message within it's words
The wealth of life and the materials will never get us what we search for the peace within..
Thank you for shairng
FrozenTears -
your words show perfectly how the thirst for greed and power will eventually get you nothing but lonely. life is short and ya need to prioritize. some don't get that
very well written and i admire the rhyme
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heylo
this poem is really good, really wonderful
i really enjoyed readin this poem ity made me think alot and i think i may have to now go read some more of your poems and see if they are as good as this one
keep up the great work
~~ Veo ~~
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Very well put.
The rhyme scheme and flow are wonderful. You have a lot of talent. -
Awesome
This is just wonderful...your wording was just perfect. Such a sad life greed...to me there is just no full fillment in it. Everything in this write is so true. You did an awesome job!
debbie
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It's so obvious why you were chosen for the winner. You're poem is fantastic. I love it! You have some kind of real talent with words. Keep on writing!
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aww you're very welcome It was such a pleasure to read it!
Yeah that is so true!
xxx -
Thank you so much, that realy means alot to me; i think im slowly getting better, iv slowed down to realy make my writing good.. and when some one as your self gets some thing out of it , its all worth it.
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I am in shock and I'm afraid words faile me on this poem.. But I'll try my best to say what I mean.
This poem is lovely. I could read it over and over again and still be so fascinated and shocked over how gorgeous it is. The content is so great and the writing is brilliant! The rhyme, rhythm, beat, flow - everything about it. I also adore how you use "...... chasing the wind" after each stanza. It kinds of rubs it in what it is you are saying here, which I look at as a golden quality. You should be proud of this, love, it is amazing. I wish I had words for my feelings about it lol! It truly is beautiful and gorgeous x100000
But oh my, and you've got such a catchy title who kinds of says it all. The title is brilliant in itself! I really like this one and thank you so much for entering so I could read this. Amazing work. Good luck!
Maggie xx -
I can't believe more people haven't commented on this piece! This is a work of art for sure. The realism of how many people in this world are exactly like this is beyond comprehension. Your character's mediocrity and even melancholy state is apparent. The first stanza--describing life with the dinner as bland and the same--routine--was a genius idea. Your work is again very noteworthy.
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I really like this writing. Your apparent talent shines throught the flow of words upon this page. I am glad I took the time to return the favor.
I look forward to returning again to your work.
LIZ -
awesome
I love this write....I could not pick out favorite lines, because I loved it all from start to finish....Awesome!>..Lynda
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Wonderful
Hi Prime x, Powerful write with more than just greed expressed here. I know many people such as this and their lives have been ruined over and over again and still they do not learn that it is the simple things in life that holds true value. This is a wonderful poem, intriguing in it's depths of approval and greed. Well done! Good luck in the contest! Jasmine
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