Spun like a doll
plucked from a rabid dog's teeth,
terrified seams
burst
inside the blender,
the pound of blades
wave upon wave do thump.
'I can barely breathe
this heart is deafening me'!
As one more unsewn scream clings
to the thread of sanity,
plastered for the ride.
If I hold this lounge,
grasp arms black
blades with nails all brittle and breaking
and stretch then scratch,
sharp shallow breath,
to swallow
the revolving doors
where you cannot see me
shrinking in violet shades,
bruised inside the parching dryness
where my earth has no rain,
no rain as the constriction cracks
and I fall back
inside suffocation
and panic.
My sweat would leak unfaithfully
on an almost normal face
and you would never see
this rotating doll
suspended in dread
arms flailing
inside the blender,
spinning this head
as skin and bone envelope
to take control
of momentum
and raise the chest,
to crush
exterior circumstances.
Now she can only
hold her breath
with veins so red,
pumping the name of the emergency
that never seems to penetrate
the red alert
urgent and pound the frigid sweat
of a hereditary condition
that consumes the doll
here welling alone,
with plastic packed tears
too close to the bone,
she wants for a home, but is lost.
As nerves dress her thinness daily with bony fingers of anxiety
that press ever so, ever so closer to dread.
Her buttons have snapped.
Author notes
editing. I used the title Thin for this piece because everytime I go through phases of anxiety attacks my weight plummets last time I ended up weighing 40kg. This particular piece is about a period of time when I had almost constant anxiety attacks for over 18 months and I had this obsession with blending all my food because my throat was always constricted I felt like I would choke when I swallowed.
Written January 10th, 2006
A contest entry
- Expressions of Anxiety by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended January 15, 2006, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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The complexity of this poem is bewildering as your metaphors are beautifully intricate!!! I do not know what else I can say...I need to re-read this poem as one read certainly is not satisfying by any means!!! I will revisit this over and over again as I know I will discover more and more with each read!
Wonderful job, Stella!! Hurray!!!!
~Zola~ -
A beautifully descriptive pc. I love your choice of words and the metaphorical mix in here. It is so evocative and helps us to understand and feel what YOU are usually feeling...I did not know this about you and I'm sorry, REALLY sorry you have to go thru this. I've had to at times also, but medication pretty much took care of that, however every once in a while I experience NIGHT TERRORS. But still I can't imagine how it must feel to have this anxiety as an interruption to your daily living...God be with you.
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You have very strong openings in each of your stanzas, although I think you give in to a bit of wordiness here and there. For instance, L2 in S1, "some rabid dogs..". You could really do without "some" in this instance. Superlative words seem to detract from the overall impression which the poem provides. I'd suggest editing a few of those kinds of words out. If they can be implied, let them. And don't feel bad, I'm picking all the entries apart. LOL. Many thanks for entering.
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Depression and anxiety are a bitch. Sorry about it all. And yeah, still at school, ugh. Hehe.
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Thanks Tony this one is written about anxiety my personal experience of anxiety throughout my life but I wrote it when I was depressed. a constructive way to deal with depression. Blessings to you I hope everything works out for you have to go to bed.
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Well my mother experienced anxiety she stopped driving when I was nine and progressed into this deblitating fight with anxiety she got so bad she couldn't cross the road on her own or shop on her own or anything. I have had anxiety on and off since I was a child. This was inspired from a memory when i went through a really bad phase of anxiety and I used to blend all my food because I was afraid I would choke I had that for a few years. I have been lucky not to have had an anxiety attack for 18 months or more. The references to the blender where partially about that experience and partially a symbol of the feeling that everything is spiralling out of control and this feeling that everything is spinning so fast and also the physical symptoms of anxiety the pounding heart which sounds deafening the dry mouth so that it is so hard to swallow . Anyway I saw this contest yesterday and this is what came out it is experimental. Thankyou for your comment I appreciate it.
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Stella. This is just beautiful. Your words are stronger than ever. I just found out some just weird news so this is probably when I should be writing and I may do so soon. I have never felt more disconnected from life and just being ever before than I do feel at this moment right here. I wish you all the best. Depression is something that I just wish could be cured but it is just a way to go down and try to find your way back up again. Tony.
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fasinating
i get this it reminds me of somthing ma mother has battled with mental illness all my life and this poem speaks to me i peryicually like "Now she can only
hold her breath
with veins so red pumping
the name of the emergency
that never seems to penetrate
the red alert"
as for my self i find writing theraputic and i get the feeling you needed to write this.
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Thanks wrote this yesterday in a swing of depression. I have had periods of severe anxiety in my life so when I saw this contest I thought I'd try for something different by the way I fixed the to to too and will have a look at the second stanza. Thanks for the help it's good your still at school I have forgotten so much when it comes to the formalities. Have a great day.
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You posted something!!!! This really really makes my day. I'll be in a good mood for this first day at school back from the holidays. This is... excellent. The imagery is top notch as always. I love the bones, teeth and flesh. The anatomy has always enthralled me for some reason. And anyway. I kind of have to get ready for school now so I have to make this quick. To help you editing: I'd suggest you remove the ellipses in the second stanza. And check this out, "to close to the bone." And that's all I have to say. It's absolutely stunning. Glad to see you posting again. Hope all is well with you.
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