Concentric circles out from the mind of each and every one
define degrees of love we hold for all others under the sun.
Each one starts from a different place than all the other ones.
They do not love them like they do their own daughters and sons.
Each one's different starting time and different starting place
sets him or her apart from all the rest of the human race.
As we compete to control the circle of what we consider our space,
those who fail begin to develop feelings of disgrace.
Pride provides a constant chance for circles of frustration,
especially when control is gained by another or another nation,
lost control of our space is unacceptable penetration.
Defense of what control is left is seen as an obligation.
There are levels of defense, war for nations is thought okay.
But in business you can not kill to keep competition at bay.
Within the family physical force is not at all the way.
Concentric circles inside out make or break our day.
Someone said, "Love your neighbor as you do yourself."
I'm your neighbor in this computer right here upon your shelf.
Another said, "circles solved," dissolved if all would melt
until for the whole human family the same amount of love was felt.
Jesus Christ was the first, the second Carl Sagan,
God on earth of all creation and a scientist against creation.
Both agree that only love for every generation
of all the people everywhere would spare every conflagration.
No more war for outer circles, if love for all prevailed.
No more circles if all were family, all being equally scaled.
Love supreme is here a dream, utopias have always failed.
But we know how Heaven will be from here within our circles jailed.
Ellis
Author notes
Written January 8th, 2006
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What a very thought provoking and amazing write! Makes one really stop and think. Wonderful and vivid emotion and imagery throughout. Thanks for sharing, hugs Theresa
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I'm not sure as the one who is an editor says about cutting this down. Mainly I think because my poetry often tends to be long. Your poem in itself is beautiful. It speaks what should be universal. Unfortunately it is not. But, I believe as times goes on we will acheive this goal of being a loving human race. Loving all for our differences and the things we share in common. I really enjoyed this read.
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Well thought!
I liked this poem although I found it a bit long, I can see where you are coming from, and you describe your thoughts well,
Keep on writing you have wonderful visions. -
A good message
has been circulated throughout this poem. I can always appreciate that fact and enjoyed what you shared.
joy
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I think what ecrivain meant was that there are a few words in this poem that are a little klunky, like "conflagration". Some words just don't lend themselves to poetry, though they are perfect for getting the point across. I'm often guilty of that myself. i.e., putting my point or message before beauty of language. In fact, there are times when discordant words can add to the poem, if the poem is about some kind of inner or outer discord, as this one is. Also, the line lengths are a bit irregular syllable count-wise. I edit my poems for about a month after I think they're "finished" while reading through them and feeling the spots that seem forced or awkward.
Also like ecrivain, I like the message of the poem, and the idea that everything travels outward from us/family/society/nation, etc. As Gandhi said, if we desire positive change in the world, the change must happen within ourselves first. Very interesting perspective.
It's nice to encounter a thinking mind. Have a great weekend.
Mark
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I hope you're not going to be throwing bricks at me over this.
I certainly like the premise of the poem. However, it's obvious that you do better with short poems. This one is too long and some of the lines are rather awkward. However, the idea is the important thing, and you certainly nailed that. I would say that if you cut this down and did a little editing you'd have a really good poem. Being an editor, I notice things that others often don't, and it's obvious that this needs some work.
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