Cast aside like nothing,
empty but yet full of emotion.
The room seems to swirl all around me.
What am I?
I am a girl.
I am your friend,
but what does that mean to you?
Why should my pain hurt you too?
My life and dreams are spiraling out of control.
My world is crumbling under your foot step.
Why must you be so cruel?
You are my only guide,
you are the dream, you are what I am missing.
Stability,
but yet you don't want me.
Why don't you feel the same?
Do you not love me?
Do you not care?
I love the way you are so mild
I hate the way you dismiss my love like I am a child.
You who are so great,
so kind, so gentle.
You who finds good in all...even me.
My heart is with you.
Where is your heart?
Am I not worthy?
The time slowly slips away from my awaiting lips,
yet you have not returned my kiss.
The pain of rejection burns in my heart.
The pain of being human burns in my soul,
and yet knowing that you too are human never crosses my mind.
Author notes
"Life is but a simple plan." I hope I have correctly catergorized this and I also hope this wasn't a complete waste of your time.
Written January 7th, 2006
A contest entry
- 5 Options: Find one that's good for you. by Enchanted Butterfly.
300 points, ended March 16, 2006, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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thats very good. i can relate to you, but on the other side.
not to such a cruel extent. but i couldnt have feelings for someone that did.
i hope that he could move on.
anyway..
great job.
it flowed very nicely.
you are obviously very talented. -
Thank you very much for reading my poem Nada and thank you for the comment!
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amazing
That was really good and very emotional
You portrayed it wonderfully and with a nice choice of words and flow
I really liked this and enjoyed reading it very much. The end was my favourite part:
"The pain of rejection burns in my heart.
The pain of being human burns in my soul,
and yet knowing that you too are human never crosses my mind."
Keep on writing Jessy
Nooni
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EXCELLENT
This is my second reading of your work. I was impressed with the first read, and I am very impressed with the second one.
Please, don't be offended when I say this, but for one so young you have an amazing amount of depth in your thinking. And from a Grandaddy's point of view, you have illustrated wonderfully well the powderkeg called teenage love.
Very well written my dear.
Take care and be safe,
Your friend,
Sammy.
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I know nothing of love so I won't pretend. This isn't real love. It is a crush. I hate crushes but they are the unavoidable fact of teenage life.
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Unrequited love. ah sigh. it's not the end i promise. the human heart can't help but love. and it will search to find where it is wanted. just hold out. all is well.
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You have no idea how this poem describes me, seriously EVERY word in it. I just hate it I hate it. I wish things were different. I'm just bawling as I am writing this. I don't know what to do I don't want to feel this way I just think that he is the only one who will ever see anything good in me. He is the only boy my age who I know who loves God. I just don't know what to do...OMG I am an emotional wreck...great poem...
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Ah teen love- DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA!!!! And I would know, I've been in this relationship for over a year now! Either way, on to your poem! This is a great start. I honestly think you can put more into it. More emotion. More detail. And most definatly, more drama! You might want to double check the punctuation you use. There are places where you're missing commas or periods. And to correspond to that, there are some commas and periods where they shouldn't be. That kind of drew me away from your poem a little bit. But that's just things you can fix in a matter of a few minutes. Anywhoo! Overall, your poem does still speak alot of words. Just maybe a few more details here and there and a dash of more drama would do the trick Keep up the great work. You've done well so far, wouldnt want to put it all to waste now do you?
Oh, and goodluck in the contest you entered this in!
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I am a teen. I hope I appear more open minded than the person in my poem. Well I guess I will only be a teen for a while longer so why not own up to it.^^
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My honest opinion: This is a very good poem, and the idea of teenage love might not come off interesting to many people because they believe it does not exist. Most think that teenage love is only puppy love. But, I don't agree. I am in love, and I'm a teenager. When it comes to the sound of your poem, it seems like it's screaming Emo, Desperation, and the feeling of hopelessness. Overall, good poem, good job. <3
P.S. Angst is like...a feeling of anxiety and worry with a blend of depression in there. -
angst - A feeling of anxiety or apprehension often accompanied by depression. I like your poem. It has a deep message.
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Teens - ah yes, those unpredictable years when one feels so out of control and feels like they are the only one experiencing what they are going through. Written like a true teen, for sure! Deep and sad at the same time, how just one person can make another feel so low and so inadequate.
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