Ice cream sundaes one a Tuesday night,
vanilla, chocolate,
so perfect together.
Sprinkles of magic, that chilling kind of affection.
Your creamy skin against my own,
kisses smooth on the tongue,
that sensation tingling in my chest.
But the cherry is sour,
the beauty of the treat melts.
Overflowing in the glass bowl,
trickling around my feet and up my arms,
choking in my throat.
It's Wednesday morning,
another lonely day.
Author notes
this an odd piece for me. I know its not my best, I haven't written anything in over 3 months...so my skill is rusty. I'm not sure if it needs more detail. I'm thinking maybe at the time I wrote it I was meaning to compare ice cream to love, its a sweet treat that never lasts... please, your comments are welcome, constructive criticism please!
Written January 6th, 2006
A contest entry
- Prewrites! by aeolia.
380 points, ended January 19, 2008, 116 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
thanks so much!!! yes, love is quite the dream I think. I'm still not happy with this one but every poem isn't perfect. Thank you for your feedback!
-
I really think the poem works pretty well and does what you intended. I wondered if Tuesday night might have been a dream. Anyway, I like the poem.
Thank you for having me on your favorites.
Adding your comment:
