I dreamed that I met the Devil
In a dark and crowded bar
He bought me a drink
And said did ya think
That you'd ever fall so far
I told him I wouldn't be staying
Just dropped in, my whistle to wet
He laughed with such glee
Stared right dead at me
And said son don't ever forget
You cant have a drink with the Devil
You cant share a cold glass of beer
In Lucifer's Pub
And think you can snub
The Master of darkness and fear
The price of that pint was your spirit
I'll gladly take deed to your soul
If you'd be so kind
I think I can find
A demon to take new control
I said just a second old fella
At least try to make this good sport
If I am to be
Yours eternally
For the cost of that one little snort
I'll bet you my soul on a platter
But I win my freedom to go
If I can just prove
All doubt can remove
I know something that you don't know
What is it that makes a man happy
The thing that makes him feel complete
With contented smile
His heart to beguile
His cares turn to dirt neath his feet
Old Satan says fame and great riches
The wealth of the kingdoms of old
Big diamonds will do
To satisfy you
Or mountains of glimmering gold
A harem of maidens to tend you
Fast cars and a castle on high
Are more than enough
It's this kind of stuff,
He said with a wink of his eye
I smiled and got off the barstool
The last of my drink down the hatch
I bid him fare well
Proceeded to tell
Why this is one soul he didnt catch
For love is what makes life worth living
One woman to hold him at night
Will fill him with peace
His worries all cease
Within arms that hold him so tight
So hand me my hat and I'll thank you
To kindly move out of my way
So sad he did look
One last glance he took
As I strolled out and bid him good day
Rakerman
Author notes
Written January 7th, 2006, option 3 (dark humor)
A contest entry
- The Anything You Want Contest (Prewrites Allowed) by KittieLyyn.
350 points, ended April 1, 2007, 96 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~*~*~*Dark Rhyming Poetry*~*~*~(6 Options) by anguish.
400 points, ended May 18, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mega-Rhymer! by albymyheart.
1600 points, ended July 17, 2008, 15 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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What is it that makes a man happy
The thing that makes him feel complete
With contented smile
His heart to beguile
His cares turn to dirt neath his feet
Dark and creepy. I think I'm gonna go hide under my bed now! Lol. Great job and good luck!
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Excellent!
What a marvellous poem you have entered! Thank you so much. It flowed with cheeky rhythm which complimented the tone of the piece. You have written a very creative piece, original in thought.
Your rhyme is flawless in the abccb sequence you have chosen. I was looking for more lines rhyming with the same sound in this particular contest, but your entry is very much appreciated and is still a valid entry.
Thank you again...alby
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This is great and a lot of fun
to read! Thanks a lot for the
smile and all the best to you
in this contest!
Jeremy0826 -
I couldn't stop smiling while reading this! Hilarious, with a great message as well!
-
There are like two rhyme hiccups in this piece and truthfully, I couldn't care less about them. This is a fun piece that I read with a smile all the way through to the expected, but still enjoyable, end. (In the stanza that runs lines 47 - 51, I would consider a flow related change in line 51 to cure one of the hiccups, I can't remember where the other is.)
The value of this entry is not in the surprise of the tale, but rather in the way it is constructed. I am reminded of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" as this this piece contains the same sort of false self-effacing mentality. ("Yes, you're good, but my humanity sets me apart in a way you can never understand.") In that sense you have constructed a worthwhile poem capable of being enjoyed by all.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
haha,very very good, kinda has a devil went down to georgia air to it, Very good rhyme scheme, and the flow was pretty good, good luck in the contest, Anguish
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I like this! this is...strong...and different. i like those who arent afraid to be apart from the norm. POWER TO YOU! you have taken a simple, general area of disscussion and twisted it into something new from a different angle. you see taht the poem contains talk of the devil, and immediately think it to be dark. but it ends suddenly in happiness, and gives an important message.
i find this to be very metaphoric AND
I LOVED THE RHYME SCHEME!
The price of that pint was your spirit
I'll gladly take deed to your soul
If you'd be so kind
I think I can find
A demon to take new control
this is my favorite stanza in teh poem because it contains an unlikely metaphor and the ryhme does not seem forced. i think it adds to the suspense of the poem and creates the mood.
GREAT write and keep it flowing!!!
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lovely. going on my finalists list. great job.
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Delightful - so smooth !!
Oooooh My Godddd. This is so great! So Great. Have you had a book of your poems published yet? --Ellis -
the name of the song is "the devil went down to georgia" anyways i really like the poem its really good i like what you said is whats needed to make a man happy and complete good choice of words beautifull work.
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great
What a great story, and the rhyming was a real blast to read. Thought it flowed well and was so fun to read, you just hoped there was more lol. i thought of that song too, but yours was unique and very well told. -
thats great rake. i loved it!! there's something...mischevious...i think...about it. great write doll!!
xoxoxoxo
olive juice,
rae -
Excellant
That was brilliant I especially loved the line 'And think you can snub The Master of darkness and fear' This reminded me of reading limericks just all put together to form a longer poem. Excellent the rhyming was fantastic and didn't seem forced, the whole poem flowed and I was left with a rather amusing image of a red demon with his mouth hanging in shock. Very good! -
Love it.
I like the flow you have in the words, the lyrical quality. I like the subtle not quite rhyme through the entire poem, as well. -
So you're a one woman kind of man ey?
This is very cute. Almost reminded me of that song, and I can't believe the title escapes me at the moment but you know what I mean..."the devil went downt to Georgia, looking for a soul to steal"...the fiddle competition. Grief..anyway, I love this. I could see the whole scene playing out in my head. Glad you didn't let that devil win. 
~Lyrical
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