Three days I’ve wandered
No rest
grit in my eyes
futile screams
echoing.
I stumble thru the dust
parched lips cracking in the pitiless sun
blood and dried semen
smear my thighs
and weep from my wounded womb.
Shed tears carve furrows on my cheeks
streaking lighter shades of dirt
those too - long ago scorched by the acrid air.
He left me there
used and broken
dying in the desiccated wilderness.
But I am a survivor
and I stumble on.
I pray to a God
I’m no longer sure I believe in.
Wash me… clean
save me.
And the rain comes.
Cooling showers splash upon my skin
healing droplets bathe me.
Sweet refreshing water
cascades
caresses my curves.
Rinsing away his scent
Cleansing ravaged flesh.
I fall to my knees
drenched in mercy.
Falling jewels saturate my soul
soak my psyche
pouring lost innocence
back into my once polluted pores.
I lay down in the mud and
- finally -
I sleep.
Patricia Gibson-Williams
January 5, 2006
Author notes
Written January 4th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Rain by more like war.
300 points, ended May 27, 2006, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Title - 5/5 pts
Effectiveness - 4/5 pts
Relation to Topic - 3/5 pts
Creativity/Uniqueness - 10/10 pts
Spelling/Grammar/Form,etc. - 10/10 pts
Emotion/Empathy Provoke - 8/15 pts
40/50
Edited on May 08, 9:31 p.m. because 'I'm stupid'. -
I won't even attempt to write something as in-depth as Lapsus' great critique.
Let me just say that this is a really dramatic telling of the wonderful cleansing properties of a shower and I am glad to see it in my contest. Thank you.
Scott -
This is really intense and well written. I am not in a comment mood tonight and I have read tons of poems without saying anything but I had to stop here to let you know you got my attention. Great writing.
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No it's not real. Thank God. It's based upon many things that have happened in my life, that caused me pain and loss. A boy friend "took advantage of me" (drugged me) when I was in my 20's, and it's always haunted me. A short time later I was feeling like I wanted to die and I (stupidly) walked out of a club into a dark parking lot alone. Lucky for me I managed to fight the guy, who tried to kidnap me, off. It took me about 10 minutes to do so and I ended up with assorted bruises and stitches. Which is pretty amazing since he had a ratchet breaker bar, and he hit me with it several times after threatening to kill me if I didn’t stop fighting. All I could think of was don’t let him get you out of this parking lot or you’re dead, if you fight long enough someone will come along and rescue you. But when he hit me over the head and I realized that he really was trying to kill me, I got so angry that I lifted a guy 6 inches taller and at least 50 lbs heavier off the ground and threw him aside. I still can’t believe that “I” saved myself. Even so it still haunts me, especially wondering what could have happened. BTW” they caught him hiding in the bushes not too far away and a police dog bit him. LOL He ended up at the same hospital they took me to. He also got 5 years + 15 year + life in prison for it. Thank you for reading my poetry, I’m glad that you’ve enjoyed it. Patti )
Edited on May 07, 5:52 p.m. because 'spelling'. -
Oh shit
Intense pretense; is it real?
Convince me it's not a spiel.
This is nonsense; I must be dense,
Cause not knowing I'm on the fence. -
This is one of the poems that keep luring me back - I've attempted to write a proper comment about three times by now and more or less gave up on trying to explain in clear words what I like so much about it.
I found this poem very strong and very powerful, with a lot of vivid (and not necessarily pleasant) imagery...there is something that really sucks me into the lines. I sure hope that it's not about a personal experience, although I can very well relate to the cleansing effect of rain (yet not in such a situation).
I especially liked the second stanza, but also the line "And the rain comes." - putting it in a single line made it feel like a turning point, the point where things suddenly shift from dirty and wounded to cleansing and healing. I also enjoyed the ending, in my opinion it was positive but not trite or forced in any way.
"Sweet refreshing water
cascades
caresses my curves." - I stumbled a bit over the curves here, to me it felt a bit like the curves are only there for the alliteration's sake. Don't get me wrong, this is just my personal opinion (and I never really liked the word, so this might be the reason as well).
All in all I really love this poem - it's excellently written and gave me a lot of food for thought. I'm sure it will keep luring me back for a while.
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its a nice poem...your creative good choice of words and the flow is great.all the best.
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