Sickened by the pseudo intellectual children so wrapped in their own self-righteousness that they sneer and condemn the faces that aren't theirs, the words that they could not muster.
Disturbed by the images of blood tearing from the mental veins of those who are psychologically void of worth yet able only to sit in their darkened rooms with their pale faces lit only by the candle of their despair.
The tragically over informed underdeveloped minds of the dismal hybrid of the night. Hatred spewing from their pores. Venom pulsing from their blackened hearts while Mommy cooks their dinner and washes their bedsheets for their peaceful slumber.
The humor in the children whose lives are so filled with pain, turmoil, angst whilst secretly and enviously watching reality TV.
The joy in the fact that their creative juices will flow and words will be penned for the world to see, relate to and devour. That 15 years from now they will be writing about the pseudo intellectual children so wrapped in their own self righteousness... oh, haven't I mentioned that before?
The irony in a society gone mad!
Author notes
Please excuse the free flowing, rambling nature of this piece. My brain was running faster than my hands and afterwards I thought that perhaps you should read it as it fell from my brain...
Please - if you could, post a comment on this piece as opposed to IM-ing me - it's easier for me to keep track of the response this way so that I may seek to grow... :-)
(This is a new style and genre of writing for me - so please be generous with your constructive critiques (and a little kindness goes a long way).
The idea for this piece actually came to me after watching a reality TV show - then reality hit home! Say no more...
Written January 4th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 95 of 95
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that was amazing and there is nothing else i know what to say to this
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I think this is to good to enter!!! Sorry, but i'm guna have to remove it x
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change either the colour of the writing or the background so that i can judge this poem.
Illiterate Iguana -
Excellent
This was a very lovely and truthful write, it is really society gone mad, expectional with reality tv shows, there is realy nothing worth seeing this days on tv, its only the very things that shatter society and break moral code and purity, its like Jack Johnson sang, "where did all the good people go, i don't see them on tv no more". If you are only obsessed with yourself even if it cause others pain, it is alright, but if you care about others, you are probably out of your mind, That is society now.Nice prose -
Enlightened
You said it my friend! good delivery. -
I think the best part of this is write, is that it is so true, so extremely honest, that everyone, no matter who they are can not only understand EXACTLY what you are saying, but everyone can somehow relate to this. THis is so true about the children, reality t.v. It's all just SO true. Great job, thank you so much for sharing, and if you say this is just a new style, PLEASE continue, I would LOVE to see more of what you have in that head of yours. Great job, great job, great job. If you get a chance, could you check out my poems (dont have many, kinda new at this...but i would LOVE your imput. ..thanks so much
Heidilou -
Something about this made me want to laugh, probably because it screams of honesty...great job, the flow is nice as well. i love the meaning of this piece
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I like this, but it's so damned spiteful. Did a cobra just strike me in the face? Nice job.
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So true. Generations sit and talk about new generations, while the new sit and talk about the old! We have to find that line that brings them together. After all, we learn from each other. The old learn new concepts while the young embrace the past. We must in order to prepare for the future. Nicely expressed. I enjoyed reading this poem. Good luck in the contest.
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AMAZING
did you say it was a new style of writing?
well it doesn't seem like it at all its amazing its a brilliant poem and inspirational as i like writing the same way this peice is written - straight from your head - no thought involved apart from maybe grammar!!
EXCELENT WRITE!! -
I would be more inclined to be sickend by the parents of the "pseudo intellectual children so wrapped in their own self-righteousness" as they tend to be the most influential. Very powerful and strongly opinionated write.
Edited on Jan 28, 4:06 p.m. because ''. -
Wow. This poem is really good, and completely correct. The term society gone mad fits our society perfectly. Good job on writing such a wonderful piece and keep up the good work.
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"Kill your Television".. One of my favorite bumper stickers. but then where would your inspiration for this poem have come from if you had not watched that show?. So I guess "everything in moderation" is another good saying. The writing works well just letting it fall onto the page. Good job. -Pome
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Remember being here a while back. Good comments for this great write.
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A very effective write in its emotionality. Extremely passionate; I can feel the irk expressed in this.
A great expression on society. -
Ironically what you say is sadly very true about the young "psuedo-intellectuals" the kids who make their decisions about something without truly knowing what it is like from their own experiences, who scorn and condemn those who don't think like they do [left, right, and moderated], I actually enjoyed what you wrote here so keep it up.
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I apologise for taking so long to answer your critique - I've been bogged under lately, :-). Thanks for your comments and I did actually mean to write "The joy" as opposed to "they joy", my intention being that out of all the melodrama and "blackness" they hide behind, they produce some wonderful poetry and are, ususally, very creative. Therefore I look forward to reading their work... I hope this clears that up for ya!! Hee hee. If you could use this in your center then please, feel free to do so... Thanks so much for your critique!
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i must totally agree with you. I have encountered many who are lost in their mind travels and many who are into realms that I will never cross. I am so with your flowing here. Good writting.
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made me laugh - at myself mostly - as a teacher perhaps Im partially responsible or is it the fault of the teachers who taught me or those that taught them etc etc ...... Great stuff!
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I love this.. Your writing is very filled with emotion.
I've found that some of the best writing comes when you just let it spill out, I call it a complete vomiting up of words. That may be graphic sorry..
But keep going with this I see you have lots of potential for this rambling sort of writing!! -
I am sorry I have no critical review but only have my opinion. I think as teens our curse is our mind wefind pain everywhere and with no way to expel it. Though I do think you are right about alot of teens. I hate reality TV it is so fake...I think it deposits fake thought of the real world in people who have never seen it. Nice write.
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WoW! I enjoyed reading this piece. A little hard to keep up with but then again, so are some of mine! I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work!
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Great
I like it. It was a little hard for me to keep up with because I didnt recognize some of the words and Im not use to this form, but it what I did understand of it made a lot of sense. It flowed really nicely for being a blank verse poem. Very nice, very nice indeed. I didnt quiet get your refrence to reality tv shows, but I did get the main idea of the poem, and I think it is a good one. Excellent piece. -
applaud
Great poem! I like how you put the irony that the children of these days of angst could be burdened by youths' self righteousness later in life! -
very good
You have said something true in a novel way.
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I personally love free flow. I also enjoy the piece as a rant and as an observational irony/inner dialog. I am not sure, but I think maybe you meant to write "They" and you wrote, "The" instead. Am I wrong?
The joy in the fact that their creative juices will flow...
Sorry if I misunderstand the line.
I work with adolescents in a treatment center and this write could serve someone well. LOL! Too bad I can't share this with them. -
You have so carefully chosen your words for this. The only thing I have to say about the style is that it's hard for me to keep my attention,
however you DID manage to keep it. Your intricately woven words carefully describing so many of our children today would not allow me to take my eyes off of it. I think you did a fantastic job, and I think it is definately a winner. I think this style for you is fine, as long as find a way (as shown above 
) to keep our attention. I think this was a very, very powerful poem, and I very much enjoyed reading it. Good luck and thank you so much for sharing it with us! Take care - L.S.
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very nice, I enjoyed the flow even though it was a free flow poem it had a certain meter to it taht was nice. sometimes that pops up out of nowhere. I liked what you were saying and the vocabulary was quite fitting to the muse. Only a couple of suggestions, (1) in the second sentence, i feel that you could delete the "yet" (2) I didn't like the ending so much, you lost a few points there. Yes we are keeping score, I guess. I see were you were trying to go with those lines, but, for me at least, they just didn't fit the mood of the rest of the peice.
well, you did a good job, an excellent one really, especially since this is a new style and genre for you. It's good to try new things, you may have found a new style all your own. keep it up =^_^= -
a revolving door
This is vivid. History does repeat itself if we don't get it good the first time around. I am sorry for the black hearts of the future because of the black hearts of today. Perhaps we have too much and take too much for granted. Apathy toward what our children take in my not be obvious in the beginning, but like truth, it always comes to the surface. You sure nailed this one. We are responsible. What goes around comes around.
thanks for sharing.
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Too True
Well done with this piece. Don't worry to much on the format of the writing as much as the point you're trying to get across, which you did quite well. Rants tend to have more of a point then anything else is what I say, while a rant is pure a poem of story may become abstructed by the wording or structure. Anyway great write, perfect point, and I hope to read more of your work like this soon.
Je ne,
Hellsing Speaks -
Excellent
Excellent job, it seems that your hand moves as quickly as your thoughts, which is a rare talent. I love the expression of irony and the bitter truth in this, because you know as well as I that it is so very true. Keep working, this seems a good genre for you. -
I can't see this as particularly ironical. Irony means saying one thing on the surface whilst meaning the opposite, normally for humorous effect.
I would also think "spewing from their pores" is rather odd. Pores don't spew much. Neither do paws (which might be more relevant to a rabbit). But equally invalid.
Hop! Hop! Hop! -
wwooowww, breath taking! i'm glad i stumbled into this, you write so many truths, so tragic, so ignored... best of luck with the contest, i'll be looking at more of your stuff...
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Fantastic!
Excellent!! You have no idea how it hits home! Beautifully written. Keep those thoughts flowing and your fingers writing.
N -
True ,true woeds...as teens we all know everything don't we..lol.Not.Great write.Please stop by my spot sometime...great write!
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Is there anything that kids of today don't have or know? What else is there left for them when they reach adulthood, I wonder. Great rant.
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Not bad! There are a few examples here and there of typos, especially cases in which there were words that should have been hyphenated but weren't, but whatever. This is a pretty good take on the youth of today, and their obsessive belief that they "know everything" (as my father used to say about me
) and that the adults around them are fools. It reminds me of a friend of mine. He's a good person, but he is more than immature enough to be in this poem. So again, good job, and I hope you'll read something I wrote called "T.v." It's a lot like this. Kudos! - oce
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Lol. This was a great rant. I loved that it's not in traditional poetic form (whatever that means
) and that you're voice is clear from beginning to end. I didn't much care for the last line thrown in there, and felt ending with the question above it would be wonderful and thought-provoking, but enjoyed the poem regardless of my nitpicking!
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interesting rant
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Wow... this really is great! ugh.. reality tv... I don't even know what to say - but hey, I guess it gave you good inspiration for this piece! so GREAT WRITE!!! I really enjoyed reading this.. and ya, I really liked the form and how it was just free... it just felt like it could have gone on forever.. nice job!!
~Cowgirl -
Rambling or not your point came across clearly. I find myself writing in this style often. Brain dialogue... it moves very quickly and is not easy to record with clarity. You've done it well! Nice job!
Also, I agree the topic of this piece. "There is nothing new under the Sun," as my mother would say of the unending cycle in a mad society. -
A very powerful write, full of irony and beautifully descriptive images and metaphores. Bravo!
~Sherry~
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I really love this! It is so true. I know kids have their problems and angst, but so many create their own just to have something to bitch about or feel sorry for themselves about.
It is vicious circle! Ha!
The format was good for this write too. Shorter lines may have lessened the feeling and message that came across.
Great job! -
awesome write.Keep up the good work.
Loretta -
I give it a 7.4
Ha! A mad society indeed. I am glad that I am not the only one who sees the big picture and the true chaos we create inside it. -
It is rambling,,but I feel it well enough at the moment to give you clappy hands, cause I feel the frustration too!!!!
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Will kids ever change? Nice narrative here! I think Einstein was a bit of an upstart as a child too, always trying to proove he was right about one thing or another.LOL
I like how the story comes full circle and finds those same kids.....perhaps writing a story such as this one!LOL
Liked this a lot.
John-Las Vegas, Nevada -
excellent writes
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Excellent I love the way this is put together... thought in cognitive order as they spewed forth This becomes pure, pristine and exision of the soul... as to form I am the last person to make criticisim as to structure... as this is what I would think to be for lack of a better word a "virgin" (stemming from immediate thought) in my humble opinion the form is as it should be
Well done! Brava! -
Wow. this is great! the loose flow and ramble to it just add to a feeling of hopeless madness in my oppinion. Your word choice was superb! great job.
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well written and thought provoking!
my apologies I have already written my review of this work and promise to read more as I am not permitted to award any further applause points! -
Excellent
You know we create our parents in our children! It's all about
denial, but it makes for great poetry -
Wow... really great job. I can see alot of feelings conveyed here. Good imagery & I really like the irony. (that last line is great.) Oh, & just a note, I think you meant "from" after the 15 years... not form. Great write. I like the new style. Keep up the good work.
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That was an amazing poem really magnificent. Not to many people are brave enough to poke at society now days I am thankful for people like you who will. I think we need to get some people like that in our court systems. I cant stand people who think they have it so bad.......I just want to take them to a country over seas and leave them there for a few weeks, maybe then they will see what all they have ben blessed with and they will quit feeling sorry for themselves. Keep up the work I hope to hear more poems like this.
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Very unique! Don't knock the rambling.....I think that makes for the best pieces! Comes directly from the brain and heart. I think you did a great job. One small error...I think you meant 15 from now...Other than that OUTSTANDING!
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Great!
Wow. Very very nice... deep words capture a stunning, yet very clear, picture of how the world is perceived through your eyes. I must say, it knocks some but enlightens others!!! GREAT JOB!
As to how you wrote this, it was, to me, very clear and easy to read, which I always appreciate.
Keep up the good work,
Oxy. -
Hoo Ra!
HELL YES! You're my hero man!!! Every single day im sitting and pondering "what possibly vague and mysterious philosophical poem can I write to display just a glimpse of my tree message to the world" and right here you say it flat out and knock me on my ass. You did in thsi shorty what all my poems couldnt do combined. The horrible Irony that I myself found in thsi was that though Ive been fighting against all the people you just described, Im almost guilty as one of them! By far my favorite thing Ive ever read on this site. A work of art, Thank you.
~sincerely, R|$KY~ -
Sometimes rambling can produce the most wonderful roses! You have caught the circular nature of life and regeneration so well, and put the pen thoughts I am sure we have all had as we grow older... but I don't remember myself that way at all... I wonder what I would get on the page if I wrote of myself in that form... hmmmm. Great job on this piece of writing Scotlass -Pome
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I enjoyed this good twist at the end. Yeah I agree with you to many people sitting around feeling sorry for themselves and I hate how people think it's cool to be all melodramatic and wallow in there self pity. Hope you do well in contest I liked the title as well. Mmm good.
Tyler -
really great work. goood subject to talk about aswell, you really got your point across well and i loved readint this great work!
xXx
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Powerful!
This was a real tough write! I saw society in the title, and BOOM! I love ranting about society as well, but in a more structured manner (by no means am I knocking your free flow, just saying) You've summed up quite a lot in such brevity, but I'm guessing that was the point of the contest.
Your thoughts were conveyed very strongly, but I think it may have been a bit wordy. When lines become seemingly crowded with adjectives/adverbs it tends to detract from flow to some degree, and just doesn't roll off the tongue as smoothly.
Other than that, I'd have to stick with the masses in that this was well said. Kudos!
Best wishes in the contest,
Stacy
Edited on Jan 17, 1:23 because 'silly typos'.
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Ranting is good - it is sometimes hard to keep up with the mind as the fingers hit the kesy and you don't check to see if the keys are even the right ones - doesn't matter what the topic.
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well written and thought provoking!
Yes indeed...what a powerful statement on the way each generation seems to adopt the worst of the previous one and attempts to excell over the other!...the sins of the fathers are visited upon the sons!...very well written and thought provoking!...regards Dan x -
Wow! This stirred up emotions deep in my soul! Very good write! I totally agree; it's scary what is considered to be entertaining. It really is turning this into a warped society! Anways, good write!
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Yes, it's a bit rambling. The first few sentences are a little "run-onish." I think a lot of people know what you're saying though.
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Awesome
I liked this piece. I speaks of what I see all the time. If in 15 years they do write about us who knows if it will have gotten so bad that no one sees it as wrong anymore? I hope a lot of people read this poem I think it will help us open our eyes. -
Hi, verey different and yes I liked the idea very much, I like that dark feel, it creeps up on you and delivers quite a punch, all the best like to see more of this kind of write, hugs Di
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Out of applause, but I'll be back!
HA!
I have to say I can empathize with the fury of this piece as well as the 'full circle' ending! Brilliantly excavated from a fascinating mind! -
I wonder how many people have realized that this scathing attack on society ends in a "loop" that actually symbolizes my realization that 15 years ago or more that person was me?? (So there is some hope for them!! :-)).
Just a wee twist!! I'm so glad you are all enjoying this piece and thank you for your kind words and critiques. This was the first time I have ventured into this rambling style and to be honest with you all, I found it quite freeing!! Thanks for all your support!!!! -
Insightful
I not only read this poem but your bio... We have a lot in common. This piece is so sinister, such vivid metaphor, what images. I too worry about what passes for entertainment today, in fact I cring. All the while I watch, unable to tear myself away from their siren song of deception. Who says TV doesn't affect us! Are they blind!! Sorry... You got me worked up. Great write. Fly -
I really like this piece. I love the beginning and I LOVE the end! How it goes back and loops, and just more defines the point you were trying to get across. The point you captured INCREDIBLY! I really liked this. Amazing piece. I'm all out of applause but I will be back tomorrow to leave it. Hope you do well in this contest. - cgirl0410
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"Disturbed by the images of blood tearing from the mental veins of those who are psychologically void of worth yet able only to sit in their darkened rooms with their pale faces lit only by the candle of their despair." Powerful and vivid imagery. I don't understand what it means, but I can think of a few possibilities.
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A juicy, scathing commentary on our warped society. I can't stand those damn reality shows - I really enjoyed reading this.
Well done! James
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Truth to it is everything you wrote is how way too many people act now, loved the starting line, 'pseudo intellectual children so wrapped in their own self-righteousness'. The only thing we need now is to get it through their heads. Keep up the nice work
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haha! I really loved this, even though I probably didn't completely understand it. I hate pretention (have I got it right?). Oh well, even if I misinterpreted it, I still liked the wording. For some reason, it reminds me of an angry guy with a goatee, a cup of coffee, jittery hands, and a beret sitting at a coffee shop ranting to his beatniq friends!
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Questions:
1)where did you live?
2) When did you slam this?
3)What were your scores?
-Curtis Meyer -
Ha! Fantastic!
I'm getting back to my candle. And my reality TV. But at least my under developed mind awoke for a nanosecond- be very proud! -
Wow...This Is Really Good.
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hmmmmmmm... interesting... this is really, really deep... You proved many points here... Keep it up!!!
~:Kitten:~ -
this was enlightening. Very good poem..makes you think about what our parents felt raisin us..
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Inspiration coming from a reailty tv show, that's cool I think this is excellent piece here and well written. We do live in a world kind of gone mad, I suppose Best of luck in the contest
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Dig it
Haha, mad world indeed. Well written
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Nicely written. And with tremendously powerful imagery and irony. Keep it up. Thank you for reading and commenting on my Scipio the Younger.
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wow. great social commentary
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There are very few programmes i watch that are actually of any interest, so it really has hit home that i and so many others just watch mindless goings on purely to pass the time, and some times to judge. Usually when i read things laid out like this one, i get no further than the title (admittedly out of lazyness) but this one i gave a try and im so glad i did. it keep my attention and i was impressed by the ending. very very well written. all the best, Tazmin
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These kind of rants are fresh and natural - as you said your fingers can't keep up to the thoughts from your head as you try to write down the words. Great rant.
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excellent
What an excellent poem. I agree. The problem is that it seems there is nothing we can do about it. Great poem hope it makes people think(it did me) Thank you for writing and sharing .Take care. -
Thats reality for ya. Its sad. But I like the way you worded it in this piece. Not many people can write about todays reality so well, but i think you mastered itin this aspect. ~Jenn
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Fantastic.
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Thought provoking and meaningful.
The angst in mind expressed with committment.
Best wishes,
manoj -
Nicely wrote, something that speaks your mind beautifully.
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Deep
A deep, meaningful write -
This is a piece that would surely go down extremely well at a 'slam'
However, I think there is a typo ...'self-righteous' at the beginning should surely be 'self-righteousness@ (as, indeed, you have it at the end!) But, as you say, your brain was working faster than your hands...
Keep up the good work...
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Well thought out. I like the message. Well done!
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I love this!
Prose at its best!
This is beat poetry to my ears. Although written in prose form it spews with spoken word. I read this aloud and it was maddening! LOL Yes, it is a sure circle of events that takes one life cycle to the next, and the next, and well, ya know! LOL
Bravo!
Renee
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