REGRET
yellow-fisted dandelions,crabgrass sour scentleft on tongue.
history in bones of fishoblivious to sacrifice,ripple circles away.
ire, err, desirewords I too often choosewhen with you.
timely death of a father,drawn death of ourselvesI hold underground.
night sky, moon apathysmall stars burn awayone-by-one.
You once gave radiantwildflower bunches,let my other wordsbuzz in your ears.You come to me,this fair day of fishing
so we may die
tonight
at the
pier.
(1/7/06)
Author notes
Written January 4th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Cold Regret by DesolatELifE.
689 points, ended December 15, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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I particularly like
'night sky, moon apathy
small stars burn away
one-by-one.'
the moon and I are old friends, so this part makes me picture beautiful things.. as I'm rambling on about that, you can probably guess how truly awful I am at making decent comments.. so please excuse my seemingly unpoetic words. Thank you for entering!
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regret, it is but a shiver in the wind - a good peice here, a sigh atmosphere roaming the lines. love is not all sweet delight as we all know, it is darker in nature. spill poetic ink and twist me, turn me into the wild lemony crazy shape of unfathomable love...
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I have no idea what rule of your contest I disqualfied, but I do thank you nonetheless. Enjoy your contest...
Jo -
This probably would have won you silver or gold, but due to the fact that you didn't listen to the rules, I will have to disqualify you.
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Beautiful ......
'so we may die - tonight - at the - pier.' ... What a wonderfully poignant poem this is ... The words just ooze regret in this piece ..'timely death of a father,drawn death of ourselves - I hold underground' ... quite beautiful !
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hmm.. i dont get this write.. but im guessing it had a really good meaning.. good luck in my contest!
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thanks so much for comments you left to this poem, Spot the Pink...I do appreciate. and again, it was a really good contest and you made some great winning poem choices. I'll look to any contests you may feature again!
Jo -
thanks for entering my contest!!youre the first one, how exciting!!!
i really like your poem, its got something i havent seen in other people's poems for a while...it really touches on so much, its one of those everyone can relate to, cos theres so much there....
good luck!!!
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desire and regret are so intertwined sometimes Jane...but you're always the optimist, and it does feel less burdensome to think of it as desire. thanks always for your upbeat outlook on all things...from your poetry to the interpretation of my own and all that I know of you!
Jo -
thank you so much Cheryl for the really nice comments to the poem. the gold shocked me with this one...I really didn't expect at all. thanks again!
Jo -
Brava!
Dear Jo, all I could think of when I read this was the word desire, a beautiful word with deep sadness in it sometimes. This is an incredible poem. Brava, Jane -
this is excellent and well worthy of a gold Jo! beautiful write love the way it jumps out of the page! bravo sweetie xx Cheryl
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this poem won gold tonight Doc...stunned me to tears when it did. it was one of these one-hour contests on AP...and I put it in, but you know how I am about these current poems of mine. this one was lines picked off of several really bad poems, adding a few more and editing it all up.
and yeah, it's a bloodless pier.
Jo -
Congratulations on the trophy! WooooHoooo!
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Jo,
This is a nice poem. I love the way it restates itself in the metaphors in the last two stanzas. "So we may die tonight at the pier" It is good that the sun will rise again on a bloodless pier, No? I really like this one!
~Doc
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thank you so much Slyder...you really are so sweet and I do appreciate! is it OK I fav-list you? I'd love to stop by to read some of your other poems as well as new ones of yours...
Jo -
Hearty congatulations on a job well done. What else can I say?
You nailed it!
Sly -
thank you so much Doug! you've been great to me and my writing even before our Manly/Womanly days!
as far as the background, I picked it up off the web, but feel free to grab up a copy from this poem if you wish. I love the glow and darkness of it and it would be great if you have a poem or write a poem you that you can use it for too!
Jo -
you're right in that it's written of a past love, Give, a past love that went on too long. as far as getting this done within the hour time-frame, there's been a lot of really BAD poems that I've written recently, and this has been bits and pieces of those poems with a few additions and edits...but if only you knew those BAD poems where much of this poem was first born!
thank you always your kind comments, I truly appreciate!
Jo -
it's not to worry, Rowan, and good friends like you and others have truly kept me strong. it's not just for writing poems, but for reading the poems, many of your own, that have touched me and let me know that I'm not alone in my feelings or in the world. poetry is therapeudic, but not only in the writing...
thank you so much for your comments and mostly for being here.
Jo -
you're always so very understanding and knowing as to my poems, especially as of late Jeannette. thank you so much your sweet comments always...
Jo -
thank you so much Slyder, I truly appreciate your comments to this poem!
and please let me know how you do with the clock for your poem...I can't wait to see it!
Jo -
yes, this does beg to be read again, as it jumps out at the reader, mesmerizing us. The background helps as well. How did you do that?
Nice entry, Jo, and worry not, your new writes are holding up well, as these comments attest.
peace
doug
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Hi Jo, this is a nice job. The whole piece needs to be read and re-read to appreciate what a cleaver poem this is. Its about past love is my guess. How did you get something this good in such a short space of time!
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This was such a soulful write, sad, but you lend a sweetness to it.
You, my friend, have nothing to worry about! I love the new stuff, but I feel the sadness, and it makes me worry too.
Talent always shines brightest when it's tried and true.
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exceptionally well written
Wow Jo...This one expresses such deep emotion. I love your expression of moon apathy. The last stanza just about knocks the air out of me. Very powerful but soft and sad too.
Best of luck in the contest!
etherealforu
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This is beautiful and profound. It has such feeling and imagery, how could you have doubts about a piece like this? I WISH I could do a write like this in an hour's time! So very well done,
Slyder -
thank you so much Rob...the poems for me have been difficult in writing lately and I never feel quite sure. you gave me a nice booster shot by your comments and I really appreciate!
Jo -
Holy cow. What a perfect enrty.
This passage in particular-
You once gave radiant
wildflower bunches,
let my other words
buzz in your ears.
You come to me,
this fair day of fishing
was just fantastic. Just a great read.
Peace, Rob
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thank you so much Whispered...if you only knew how insecure I am about ALL new writes, much moreso recent ones, so I really so very much appreciate!
Jo -
Now this is fabulous, I am so glad that I made the exception. Jo, your words are also so vivid and you paint them with emotion and a truth that resounds from within. Really well done.
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