We stroll hand in hand,
thousand year old cedars
our only witness.
Tranquil silence,
unspoken anticipation,
we are spellbound.
There is no map,
but we know the way,
destination love.
We come to a clearing,
a bed of moss,
this is the place.
Your eyes,
liquid pools of love,
gaze deep into my soul.
Exhilirating, not new,
we are Adam and Eve,
without sin.
That first kiss,
that lingering,
tentative but urgent, first kiss.
Then,
deep,warm, passionate kisses,
searing,voracious kisses.
Pounding hearts,
hungry, delerious mouths,
stopping here, stopping there.
Wild with desire you open the gate,
you take me to the edge,
but please, please wait.
I'm not ready to go,
or to come,let's just stay
just a little bit longer.
Then at last I surrender,
a seismic eruption,
thunders me home.
Silence prevails
in these precious moments,
we are one, we are all, we are love.
Author notes
Written June 23rd, 2002
In a list
A contest entry
- Write and erotic/love poem
without any vulger language.
Must be about making love in the middle of by Lurie.
250 points, ended June 25, 2002, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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primal basic instincts in the wildest of enviornments is the best way to go, everything is so much more silky and erotic and even smells better outdoors, I liked the escape to a secret place in this poem, we tend to always make love in the same old places to often....great write...Artis
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this was excellent,
sometimes the crudity needs not be shown to give the full picture and i think you have done that very well
We stroll hand in hand,
thousand year old cedars
our only witness.
Tranquil silence,
unspoken anticipation,
we are spellbound.
There is no map,
but we know the way,
destination love.
-
this was an interesting feeling, beautiful indeed, slightly confusing in an interesting manor, its hard to explain my reaction to this, all i can say is that it is beautiful and to keep it up
my best wishes to you,
>>>>alese<<<< -
fresh
I liked this poem a lot I really didn't seem to like it at first but further into it i noticed i was enjoying it. I think its very good when you start to read it but you just aint feelin it but you keep going then it surprises you if that makes any sence. anyways good job keep up the dopeness -
I just realised I am tired. I've been told, by people who generally have good advice that I should neither comment nor write poetry when I am tired. I'll right poetry when I want, but when I'm tired, I tend to make mistakes. So, sorry if you were expecting a nice comment on your poem, but I'm tired. So... Good night.
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Oh, this is so beautiful I am not even sure what to say ferg. Stunning write which held my attention throughout. Is anything more wonderful than the first time.
Red -
Liked "Picture This"
I was going to offer a critical comment, but I see that you don't want one on this piece. I clicked on this since it was in the featured box, and trying to get some perspective, I checked out some of your other poetry as well.
I will say that I do not think this is your best work. I much more enjoyed "Picture This." I do not know if this is a new genre for you or not, but I think you have some room to grow here.
Good luck in the contest. -
GREAT
GREAT JOB , SOFT WAY ON MELTING ONES FEELINGS WITH NATURE, I LIKED IT , CONGRATS , YOU GOT MY APPLAUSE ! MARY
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i like it because it is quite tasteful and not just all raunchy like...great job
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Splendid and with a classic feel. I love the way it melds with nature, as we are part of nature I believe, it's as it should be, and you've written in with such style and tender emotion that it give a great serenity to the reader. A loving and creative piece. I loved it! Namaste'
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wow, a very soft side to the matter at hand. i applaud you for that. and ya know what, it's damn nice to read this poem after some of the ones i've just read. they've all just been about hating god and killing people believe it or not!!! horrible, without any talent or skill involved. and so this was just a site for sore eyes. seriously, you've cleansed my soul, lol.
ok, in all honesty, this poem was way good. you took something physically amazing and conveyed it in words, which is astounding. great job. have a nice night
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truly lovely
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Loved all the images, Henri. The flow, and how the rhythm changes, as the poem progresses. Could smell the cedar, feel what the heart must have felt. Very real, very free.
Maddie -
A little shaky in the middle of the poem but it ends okay. I understand the rythem and the story is right, good job.
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This is really very good. I really enjoyed reading it. It was sensual without being tasteless. Great write. Thanks for sharing. Hope to read more from you soon. Keep it up.
~Miranda -
i like this one its good
keep it up
luv
brittbratt
Edited on Apr 12, 9:42 p.m. because 'edited by a moderator due to spam'. -
oooo
i liked this one a lot
it looks simple but it's quite the opposite
great usage of words
thanks for sharing! -
mmmmmmm, lovely. Delicately done, quiet, building anticipation, the serenity of nature contrasting eventually with the passion and delirious kisses. ( I might've used differnet words from 'stopping' - something softer like pausing, resting, but, hey, sounds like you were there... you'd know better than I! Really liked the no map bit, so true. 5th verse lovely image even if it may have been used before, fits well (and my favourite painting is of a woodland pool at the foot of tall trees, so this liquid pool also soothes with conjuring the image of the painting). You describe the initial kiss and the progression of desire so perfectly, and I love the neatness of the wording in the 3rd to last verse (!). A well rounded poem, each triplet stanza like another kiss.
x -
ummm lol....
i need to stop reading you!!!
and this didnt win???
an elm may die burried upright..
however the birch and popplar
are thin while they beg.....
beg like a flutter of fingers...
mmm
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Very, very nice!!!!!
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OHH Very nice!!!!!
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