PREPARE TO READ A LOVELY GOOD TASTE VERY SHORT STORY ABOUT NAUGHTY MARIETTA. YES, IT'S "NAUGHTY MARIETTA GOES TO THE DENTIST" BY EDNA SWEETLOVE.
Naughty Marietta had a very bad toothache. It had been coming on for a few days and she had hoped the pain would go away but it didn't. It just got worse and worse. It gradually dawned on her that she would have to go to see a dentist.
Now, visiting a dentist is quite easy in many countries. But not in Britain. Oh no. On Britain you have to live in the right area before you can hope to find a dentist who will treat you on the National Health Service scheme; there are many towns where no dentists will treat you on the NHS. Or you might have to wait a month for an appointment.
Naughty Marietta phoned up every single dentist in her area and they all told her "private patients only". Naughty Marietta looked in her bank account to see if she could afford a visit to the dentist. She couldn't. But the pain got worse and worse and worse and she could hardly sleep, even stuffed to the gills with aspirins. So, figuratively speaking, she knew she would have to bite the bullet. It was credit card time! And so she made an appointment for the next day.
Off she went to the dentist, a Mr Igor Gobborvic, a newly arrived Bulgarian gentleman who spoke very little English. He asked her to sit in his chair in his nice new surgery and "Whoooooooooooooooooosh! - the chair reclined and Naughty Marietta lay there at Mr Gobborvic's tender mercy.
Mr Gobborvic examined her mouth carefully and told her the damage. She needed three fillings and the painful tooth itself was so rotten, it had to come out. And she needed a good gum clean-up too. "Mine Bog Almighty, but you heff so many bad tooths and gums in zere, vy for you not go to see dentist regular for goddam checkups?" demanded Mr G. He sniffed a lot, did some calculations and gave her an estimate of £650 for the whole course of treatment. Naughty Marietta screamed mentally at the cost but what choice did she have?
"OK, giff your kredit kartzski to ze receptionist and let's get to verk on your choppers gut und kvikski" barked the caring Bulgarian. "First of all I shall have to remove ze rotten tooth as ze smell is so bad it makes me vont to puke my head off. For zis I need to giff you ze injection and I shall zerfore get out my needle to give you ze big prick in your mouth."
Naughty Marietta could not believe her ears. Here she was with a dreadful toothache and this guy was going to charge her hundreds of pounds to treat her and on top of everything else he wanted a blow job before he would get going!
She leapt out of the chair, picked up a convenient scalpel and shoved it into Mr Gobborvic's left buttock and stormed out of the surgery, pausing only to collect her credit card on the way. A girl has to retain a certain dignity she felt, as she yelled "You filthy Bulgar," through the window. She would go in search of a lady dentist; after all the worst that could happen there would be a bit of muff-diving.
THE END
Author notes
Part 4 of the Naughty Marietta series. Try her previous adventure: www.allpoetry.com/story/1711617 .
Or on to Part 5:- www.allpoetry.com/poem/1759483 .
Written January 3rd, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
-
Wow Marietta really is a naughty one. Good job with this.
-
Very witty. I am a little ashamed of liking pun type jokes, sometimes, but I rejoice in this one.
-
wow that was super funney. I read the one where she goes shopping and this is even better than that! Great poem cant wait to read more of naughty marietta's adventures.
-
The poet has a penchant for titles that are crystal clear introductions,with so many readers phobic regarding dentists and dentistry it was prudent to be this clear to avoid the "agghh" factor from those that may have been disaffected.
The reader tentatively offers some suggestions for the poet to perhaps ponder at leisure.Within the introduction perhaps "taste" may be "tasty?" When Marietta is shocked at the cost of the proposed dental treatment perhaps "screamed mentally" may be "mentally screams?" Also perhaps "on Britain" may be "in Britain?" These are not criticisms rather they are mentioned for the poets consideration.
The poet successfully writes a humouros piece of prose interwoven with what is indeed a serious societal problem within the UK,indeed it is nion impossible to find an NHS dentist and those that do accept NHS patients are of foreign extraction ( no double entendre intended!) which makes communication extremely difficult.The inflection and nuances within the speech of the dentist added authenticity and humour.
Upon reading "you filthy Bulgar" the reader laughed out loud which startled one small sleeping child,a baby seagull nesting outside the windowledge and echoed around room so possibly causing neighbours to ponder at the reason for such joviality at this late hour!
-
wheeew!Go Marietta,atta girl!i am following her story and,"am loving it"!
-
This reminds me of my cousin Audrey....she's like the biggest airhead I've ever seen, and I could seriously invision her doing this....
*runs off to read more about Marietta* -
talk about miscommunication! roflmao.. this story is absolutely fantastic hon! hhahahahaha! I can actually see this happening... hehheee... I love it. Keep these funny and "naughty" stories coming... oh please, keep them cumming...
(yes the pun was intended)
walks away still chuckling -
Muff-Diving? Lmao- never heard that one before! But this was very cute and perverted, but funny. Nice sense of humor and good work.
-
Oh. my gosh how mean. This was so women taking their stand. Great story.
-
Ooooh my.
-
Ooooh my.
-
Funny, funny, funny. Have enjoyed many in the series. Edna, my dear, you never stop amazing me. Please keep em coming.
Also, you see why so many dentists kill themselves. No one likes going to see them and when they get there the prick and prod.
Keep writing. -
Dear CGZ: Much as I love you, I must put you right about how British parliamentary democracy works. "Lords and Ladies" do not represent us in Parliament - they are part of a 2nd house with very limited powers. "Representatives" are called MPs (Members of Parliament) and they DO represent people - theoretically. In reality they are a load of party hacks who make you want to fucking vomit. My own MP is a loathsome hypocrite, a champagne Socialist whom I would not piss on if he were on fire in the street outside my beautiful 1830 Georgian mansion. Another MP is currently on "Celebrity Big Brother". George Galloway - you may have heard of him!
-
Good show, ol' girl!
I am too tired or depressed to laugh, but i felt a little Mona Lisa smile bubble up there.
Good for Marietta! The feminist in me cheered her on.
Oh, but will she get adequate dental care? By the way i love the social message. You should send a copy to the P.M. and your representative to the House of Commons. Oh, and that Lord or Lady who's supposed to look after your interests in the House of Lords. Why not the Queen, while we're at it? -
Thanks to "RUFINA CARAID" for the 2nd lovely SILVER prize cup thingy! Marietta is happy about her first award.
-
congratulations on your award and a most amusing tale.It was defiantly the accent that did it for me plus the poor English of the dentist that set this up for the grand finale excellent, a most enjoyable read
-
Bloody Hell Edna, this made me laugh - I could see the 'Carry on' crew doing a skit just like this. Doesn't matter if it was German or Bulgarian it was funny.
Thanks for entering
Vonnie~ -
Quite the story you have shared with us. Poor Marietta, or poor dentis? Guess it depends on who you feel the most for? Thanks for giving me a good laugh today.
-
there is this guy, he's 47 and has lived with his wicked mum all his life. his mother, wanting to keep her son's love for herself (not in a portland way) has filled his head with rubbish (well, mostly) regarding the finer sex. She tells him that women are evil and only want to hurt him and that inside every woman's cunt (for those of you reading this that the word "cunt" offends I apologise) is a set of sharp teeth and should he ever be tempted into fucking (for those of you that are offended by the word "fucking" I apologise) a woman his cock (cock isn't offensive so fuck off you fucking cunts) will be bitten off. Naturally he has grown up very scared of women.
When he turns 47 his mother passes away, at the funeral he meets and falls in love with a beautiful woman. To cut a long story quite short they get married, and we cut to the honeymoon...
The night of the honeymoon and the man is very nervous. "Why are you so scared?" his bride asks. He promply explains what he knows about her vagina (sorry, cunt).
"Don't be silly" she exclaims and proceeds to strip, lies down on the bed and opens her legs wide.
"Have a look" she invites, "can you see any teeth?"
So he kneels down and examines her.
"Well, no, no I can't, but I'm not suprised, the state of your fucking gums!"
Need I explain that your story reminded me of that joke?
Edited on Jan 05, 5:57 p.m. because ''. -
Oh hooray! His accent is now a wonderful exotic blend, and he sounds much more Bulgarian! Well, to my uneducated mind, anyway. I'm really in no position to judge people's Bulgarity. My brother lived there for 3 years, but that means twat all really.
I think "Spasiba" is thank you, but I'm not sure. I only know that word because it makes me think of a spastic amoeba, and that image always makes me CHUCKLE.
Tallyho m'lady -
Hysterical
Please give me the number of this Dentist,he seems to provide excellent service.Too bad the stupid girl did'nt take advantage of a nice big prick,it's a natural sedative and instant pain killer.Such a naughty girl,she really is better off with the National Health Service. -
Dear VA: A very good question about the Bulgarian dentist. He's not using German EXACTLY, although German is probably taught to Bulgarian dentists (I'm talking crap here): more of a generic Eastern European accent, but I accept it looks too much like a German accent (and I cannot deny "gut und schnell" is cod German!), so I shall change it. Please come back when you have a moment and see if it looks a bit more Bulgarian - sadly my Bulgarian is, er, um, ZERO. Although I believe the Bulgarian for "God" is "Bog".....
Edited on Jan 03, 6:04 p.m. because 'Y not?'. -
You are sincerely the best. I have never read any of Marietta's escapades before, but now I'm going to become a big fan, I can tell.
But why is the Bulgarian dentist using German?
Anyway, it was excellent, as usual! -
-
WINNER
NOW THAT IS FREAKING FUNNY!!! I SWEAR I AM LAUGHING SO HARD I AM CRYING AND TYPING THIS T0O.
IF I COULD JUDGE THIS ...... YOU DE VINNER!! I READ IT....REREAD AND WANTED TO REREAD IT AGAIN. THAT IS THE BEST LAUGH I HAVE HAD IN SO LONG.
Thank you for sharing that one with me....dammit I love it!!!
Excellent -
lol nice take on a dental appointment! you always manage to make me smile very well done and best of luck in the competition xx Cheryl
Edited on Jan 03, 9:07 because 'bad spelling sorry!!'.
Adding your comment:
1 - 26 of 26
