.
It all began in earnest when I dropped into Wendy’s flat one day,"
For a quick cuppa tea and some nice things to say.
I didn’t expect the following mind blowing event,
Or feelings of pure panic through my body that went.
All was OK, ‘til Lana cried out, in a desperate voice,
“Michael is coming: hide! You’ve no other choice “ !!
“Who is Michael ?” I made the panicking anxious demand,
“My husband” whispered Wendy gesturing her hand.
I ran around in circles like a poor startled beast,
Not knowing where to hide, or what to do in the least.
Alarmed and upset I’d not been told of her spouse,
And the man approaching was as large as a house.
Wendy cried, “down the back stairs, is the way to go”,
As she opened the door and I raced down below.
I stood in the yard shaking from the terrible shocks,
Wondering if I had really made a mess in my jocks.
When suddenly there came a sound of loud hissing,
I tried very hard to see what it was I was missing.
Then as I descended from a considerable height,
I saw that it was Lana next door who gave me the fright.
She beckoned me to hurry straight up her back stairs,
I passed her like lightning, neck bristling with hairs.
Right into the lounge room as young Robert neared,
and shot through a doorway that suddenly appeared.
I stood there waiting for Michael to go on his way,
Or if I was discovered then just what I would say.
But after a while I relaxed; settled down quite a lot,
And searched desperately for Lana’s under bed pot.
Mike finally went home so the coast was now clear,
Easing the feeling of doom and gut wrenching fear.
Drinking my fifteenth cup of strong hot sugarless tea,
I recovered my composure and again had a wee.
I mused if I would return to this frightening place,
But was reassured by Wendy by the look on her face.
Then suddenly the call “hide!!” resounded once more,
And I sped like a bullet, straight out the back door.
I stood in the yard in a distressed frightened state,
Wondered if Bob was just her friend, brother or mate.
As the sun started setting time dragged so slowly by,
Thinking if caught in the open, I'd soon learn to fly.
Bob rambled on with poor me waiting like a big gawk,
Just wondering how long the silly beggar could talk.
Feeling sad and despondent I wondered how far,
Was the distance to sprint to my nearby parked car.
Bolting fast as a bullet for the third time of that day,
I was ready for anything that might bar my way.
I sat in the car wondering what I should do now,
Deciding that home would more peaceful somehow.
I drove off slowly recalling the events of the day,
And saw Lana was walking, from the shop on her way.
So I called to her quietly, if the coast was now clear,
My mind still in turmoil, trembling and shaking in fear.
Asking in wonder as she cleaned my coat with a rub,
Was I gaining a new friendship, or joining a club?
The number of men coming to the house all of the time,
Was making me wonder should I queue up in line.
Well things sort of settled and we laughed quite a lot,
At my poor antics and the speed training I got.
We wondered if really a closet was best for my health,
So I could wait without running; instead using stealth.
And maybe my joggers I should bring the next time,
So I could then get away faster and turn on a dime.
Or maybe a hat with a light perched on top would be,
Useful for reading inside the closet or tuning the TV.
The neighbours all wondered in an astonished hush,
The bloke next door going up and down in such a rush.
Was he was training for the coming Olympics indeed,
As he was running up and down, at an incredible speed.
Lana went home with her sides sore from the mirth,
Wendy bloated by the tea feeling full round the girth.
The next day we had lunch, giggling and laughing hard,
As Wendy tested the true limits of my gold Amex card.
We admired some cute earrings; Amethysts set in gold,
A cute heart shaped pendant we were happily sold.
Wendy was happy and cute with a sparkle in her eyes,
Me with my head somewhere, up there in the skies.
.
Author notes
I am an real alive hero (more so than those comic ones) and this is a true tale of Bazza. Ridgy Didge. and don't forget this is not exclusively a USA site and other things do happen in other countries as well as some weird words and spelling.
Bazza (Barry)
In a list
A contest entry
- Comic character contest by lemon meringue pie.
318 points, ended April 16, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm am so bored Give me something to do by Miss Chievous.
335 points, ended September 16, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FOR ALLPOETRY POETS : #46 : Picture & 1st Line Prompt by Lyndon.
1900 points, ended February 26, 2008, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This is a funny piece! I like the even rhythm and rhyme, and the fact that it's a true story only makes it more enjoyable. With regret, however, I will have to remove the poem from my contest, for I am only asking for certain forms of poetry to be entered. Please feel more than welcome to enter another, though.
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I am loving the title here. Too too funny. What a scene played out. Wondering though, did you ever get the answers? Perhaps none needed. A good laugh all the tway around. ~Pamela
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Well you know, there's a price we pay for every pleasure!
Yours just happened to be some rigorous cardio-vascular exercise!! 
~ That's a darn sight better than many a poor chap has had to endure for his troubles...
Good flow to this narrative poem, with nice end-rhymes in couplet form.
Well done, and thanks for this great entry. Best of luck!
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How appropriate the title!
And the words beginning it are priceless: "It all began in earnest ...". Oh, Barry, the stud!
A fine narrative poem rich in humour. Not all Aussies are like this [Yours truly testifies to that] but if you look at what Land Developers, Politicians and Trade Unionists get up to, I can really understand Bazza's mild escapades.
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GReat!
Thnaks for entering -
Well, she never told me (up until then) that she was married but separated. Robert is her son and I wrote the poem Robert's ride for him because he liked motor bikes.There is a poem written about Wendy but I cant remember if you have read it so I will give you the link anyway. allpoetry.com/poems/1716997
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WONDERFUL POEM
This was a funny poem with a very funny story. You guys seem to find yourselves in these predicaments and then wonder why. Thank you for sharing this afternoon adventure. Quite delightful to read. Take care, Sandy
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Yes.. honest !! and you can read about Wendy on allpoetry.com/poems/1716997 Thank you for the comment
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damn dude did that really happen to u?
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Delightful
Absolutely delightful, often very funny. Terrific story poem. As good as it gets. --Ellis -
hehehe. Very funny. Good luck in my contest!
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This is a funny situational poem... I am glad you included the explanation as to who all of these guys were! Thanks for entering the contest, Bazza. Good Luck...-Pome
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Aaaaahhhh, you women !! the things you do to us poor blokes .. but it keeps me fit I suppose. Just look what I went through ... in ONE afternoon !!!
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Hilarious! I bet it DID happen. I sounds so totally Aussie to me LOL.
YOU MEN!!!!
Jan -
A real funny one this. Hope it isn't true ?? Again something that could only come out of Australia (soap style , that is)lol
"
The number of men coming into the house all the time,
Was making him wonder should he queue up in line."
summed up the hilarity, for me...
WD
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It's good.
Well it was a good bit of reading, that much I'll say.
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