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Souls Patrolled Into Truculent Enmity

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Leave me be
You can't repent for me
My love is sent
My soul is spent
And nothing real is free

Leave me be
You can't repent for me
The train has bent
The copper cent
And creased its pain in me

Leave me be
You can't repent for me
To uninvent
What I resent
You'd have to drink the sea

Leave me be
You can't repent for me
I represent
A small percent
Of S. P. I. T. E.

When the child is gone
The demon will spawn
And nothing you say
Can turn him away
From the holes that you've burned into me!

 






Author notes

Grawwrrrr!!! I hate you!!!! And I'll NEVER apologize for the way you make me feel!!!!!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Written January 3rd, 2006

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was wrote on my bros birthday maybe its a sign thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck
    ..<3..
    Shelly


  • Je Suis Prete
    January 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Honestly, not one of my favorites. But you expressed a lot of anger and frustration in this and I'm always a fan of such emotional pieces. I hope this was sort of a therapudic thing for you. In all, nice write.
    Sara


  • Claide
    January 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow.


  • Avatar of Innocence
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    My dear one, it pains me that you are so angry. In addition to being angry, bitter, resentful, a bit rueful as well. I hope this is merely an outlet for emotions that would be too dangerous to reign freely. If you ever need someone to vent to, just email me, alright?

    Much love, your fan

    Avatar

  • crystallove
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    very beautiful! Good flow.Its very straight and to the point.I just love how you painted this......cool i love the line "Leave me be
    You can't repent for me
    My love is sent
    My soul is spent
    And nothing real is free

    Leave me be
    You can't repent for me
    The train has bent
    The copper cent
    And creased its pain in me

    Leave me be
    You can't repent for me
    To uninvent
    What I resent
    You'd have to drink the sea"endings my fave!
    so cool!

  • mario666
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    To uninvent
    What I resent
    You'd have to drink the sea.

    That part is so freaking awesome!
    Great poem nonetheless.

    Josh.


  • ColdFlame
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    AWESOME!

    Awesome dark poem.


  • for the masses
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I love this. Its very angry and I loved how you managed to convey a feeling of loathing without converting to rough language or nonsensical phrases. Its very straight and to the point. I disagree with the idea that its "childish", I think its simple and simplicity often is the foundation for the best poetry. I'm sure you read Dickenson- her poems were maybe four or five lines, simply stating an emotion- and so is this. I adore it.


  • Unfortunate Freckle
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I liked the repetetion of 'let me be'. It flowed nicely. I hope whom ever had the honor of being on the recieving end of this poem is feeling remorseful now. Very nice write!


  • Mystical-Gardenia
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent flow... exacting the poignant image

    Excellent flow... This piece rolls right off the tongue in pure rhythm exacting poignant imageries Brava!! Two thumbs up!! Alas, I am out of applause and this piece is so deserving!! Wishing you and yours much success in all of your endeavors and a joyous, prosperous New Year


  • grannyeri gold member
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    A little bit of hatred coming out in these lines...much more really. Can feel the dislike and revenge that is eating away at your brain, your heart is overflowing with thoughts on howq to get back at this person. Time to let go and move on before it eats you alive. Sentiments well expressed.


  • PsydewaysTears gold member
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    hmm it might be "of me", it's not how my mind thought it out originally but it's not a bad alternative... i'm just not sure now. I tried to fit something along the gist of the title into the "s.p.i.t.e. line" but it turned up with too many syllables any other way I worded it and I get paranoid unless it's my break-out stanza. I know I cheated but I was hoping it would revert people back to the title to get both reactions. It was too good of a label for what motivates what I get passionate about for me to pass up and I was writing too late into the night to spruce it up any more. If I ever want to use this poem somewhere I'll defientely tweak some better choice-phrases into that part and not crutch onto the rhyme/meter so much.

  • ocerus
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This isn't your best, but there are some good parts in it. I'm unclear about something though; should it be repent for me or of me? I think it's the latter, but I couldn't swear to it. Actually, I just reread it, and I think you're right. Also the line that says, "nothing real is free" is excellent. Man, does that ring true! But I didn't like the way you spelled out "spite" and used it as the majority of a line. Yes, it rhymes, but . . . oh, hell, forgive me but I think it's kind of childish. I've never felt this way about any of your poems before. I may have disagreed with this or that, but I never before would have felt that you had done something childish. I know you're a very real talent, so I'm hoping you won't be too ticked at me for saying this, but that's my opinion. It honestly comes out as a high school football cheer. You're a great deal better than that!
    - oce

  • Nickthelesser
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Oh that was a good poem! Everything that you wrote flowed well together, and I think that it came out good! Keep it up, and keep writing.


  • night slayer
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    cool i love the line "Leave me be
    You can't repent for me
    My love is sent
    My soul is spent
    And nothing real is free

    Leave me be
    You can't repent for me
    The train has bent
    The copper cent
    And creased its pain in me

    Leave me be
    You can't repent for me
    To uninvent
    What I resent
    You'd have to drink the sea"endings my fave!
    so cool!

  • honeybe
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    ok then. remind me never to piss you off. and you should never have to say your sorry for being you. later Honeybe


  • Blind-Ambition
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    fantastic

    It seems strange and almost vain in a way to attempt to critique or comment on such a personal piece, but you shared it so obviously you don't feel the same way.
    This is pitch-perfect. I can feel the anger and yes, spite, coming off of the words. Great similies as well. You've outdone yourself again.
    And I'm glad you're never going to apologize for feeling this way. You shouldn't ever be expected to.


  • TangerinePuddle
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Holy shite! brilliant work, but not quite as brilliant as when you aren't rageful against someone....and i had no idea. I won't say sorry, cause I know you hate "sympathy" so-FUCK whoever it is.

  • Xavier-Self
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    sounds like you were fvcked over by someone. i can really feel it. i like how you used such short lines.. to the point always. very well done
    Edited on Jan 03, 1:45 because 'miss-spelled'.

1 - 19 of 19