staring through a rain lashed window,
she wants the world to bleed,
her hunger shows no mercy,
this lady has to feed.
she knows just how to catch her prey,
so she dresses for the part,
her methods,tried and tested,
theres two ways to take a heart...
its been 7 days,shes starving,
she needs it to survive,
a victim has to lose their soul,
so she can stay alive.
she is dressed in lace an leather,
she has blood red fingertips,
the urge so strong,the hunt is on,
as she paints her pretty lips...
she makes her way to clubland,
where the tender meat all go,
they strut for her attention,
and she likes to watch the show.
but a loners on the menu,
as the beat gets hard and loud,
she scans the plains for victims,
then she spots him through the crowd...
he has had his fill,its time to go,
he makes his way to leave,
she sees his sad reflection,
but she needs his soul to breathe.
she stalks him in dark doorways,
until the time is right,
and then appears before him,
like a lady from the night...
she said"i have seen you from a distance,
and you quite appeal to me,
if you had the heart to take me home,
i will give you it for free".
he thought his night was over,
it had only just begun,
she ran her fingers through his hair,
and promised him some fun...
her black heart beating faster,
she leads him to her lair,
as soon as she undresses him,
he does not have a prayer.
yet she feels a warm desire,
as he lies down on the bed,
to make the most of what hes got,
for soon,
he will be dead........
Author notes
Written December 31st, 2005
A contest entry
- 5 Options...enter...now...or suffer! {Prewrites now allowed!} by vampireblood.
430 points, ended April 30, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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dark and intense i love the imagry that you included it made it easy to follow along like i was on the sidelines and watching her put on her lipstick with her red nails and hunt, very hot. only thing i think id change is taking out some of the commas i think it kinda takes away from the flow i dont add any punctuation to mine but thats a quirk of mine, i should prolly change it but it seems like there are too much punctuation in this one, just a thought. still it is terrific !
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WOW.... you asked me to read this a few days ago... and just WOW.... this is amazing. I love it. The rhyme and flow were impecable. and it drew me in from the very beginning.. certainly a wonderful story and an amazing poem. You are very very talented.. I will read the second part in just a sec..
~Krys~
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Wow, this poem was amazing. The imagery of the poem was very clear as well. The poem also had really good rhythm and flow. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
~~~Vampireblood~~~ -
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thanks for your nice comment if you get the chance to read part 2 i hope you enjoy also..
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very well written
I read them backwards. LOL. Now I really appreciate Part 2. You have a great talent for writing erotica. I have enjoyed this 2 part write.
Ethereal Melody
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amazing.
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Wow this poem is good! I'm goig to have to go back and read part 2 again, so I can understand te context better. I really love the poem though, and I think that both parts one and two are excellent on thier own!
Good luck on the contest!
~Rose -
This was good I am so eager to read the second part so that I can tell you if the ending pleased me or not. BUt so far I am intrequed and want to read the rest.
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wow, this is awesome. very well put together.
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i love this poem
its very deep and
i like it ..ALOT
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Ensnaring
*Blinks* ....I -LOVED- both this one and part 2...Heh, I ended up reading them backwards since I wasn't paying attention, just looking for poems to read. I throughly enjoyed this peice and the other, the imagery was awesome. It reminded me of the desire a dominatrix has for the control her pet/slave/etc gives her. Both pieces were captivating.
Eqlipsed Moon -
I love this and it's a good thing you have a part two because it begs for one. Good luck and thanks for entering!
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This is amazing. It really draws you in, takes hold and dosn't let go. Like the hunger leaves you wanting.
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You have the mind set of the predatory female spot on! Brilliant stuff.
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Thank you for entering.
I hope to be finished judging soon.
muddy waters -
Once again what a write!! i read all three of these and even printed them out! I let my friends read them and they absolutely love them!! you put us into your poetry and make us feel it!! so overwhelming and beautiful.. ANd it defintely gets my going if you know what i mean!!!
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Wow, this was amazing hun. I loved the flow of it, and the whole idea of it. Very interesting.
Well, I'm off to read part 2
ttyl
~steph~ -
Excellent
Oh, I love the pace you set with this. Wonderful write...sensual and dark. I'll definitely be back for more -
Dougie, it occurs to me I HAVE seen your work before - this poem is familiar. I like the story, and have written vampire fiction and poetry myself, so I appreciate it. Nice little narrative.
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i feel like ive read this before, amazing write, i love your use of ryhme, its rare to find someone with such s handle on diction like that these days,
amazing -
A bite above the rest!
I so love vampyre genre and you did this magnificently!! Well done! Do dark and temptuous! Ahhhh she will get the man and the feed! How delicious! Excellent read!! Thank you! -
Excellent
This is GOODyou give your vamp the slight sign of regretfor needing to take his soul. I think you have done a wonderful write and am looking forward to reading more of your work. Good luck in the contest. -
I love vampiristic stuff, but I couldn't write it ... but I applaud your talent and ablilty to conjure up the vivid mental pictures I got of a vampiress on the prowl
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Wow Dougie, I am glad I visited Your page, this is awesome, I love it Josephine.
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i love it
it gave me a good mental picture
and how sutle you were.
keep going
xx
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Pretty cool, You definatly need to get way more erotic in part 2. This one is pretty tight though.
The Immortal,
Jesse. -
I loved this poem!!! it all flowed together and the story line was brillant!! awesome!!
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Amazing. Seriously, this is incredible.
Good luck in my contest. -
wow, i absolutely love it, you did a wonderful job, are you going to have another sequel to this poem? i just can't wait to see what you have in store. oh, and by the way, i love the way you make the vampire seem so seductive, and so beautifue, you did a great job. thanks for hthe oppurtunity to read this.
your friend
emily
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fucking great
Wow. This is amazing! its truly sad that these kinds of things actually do happen. it definately makes you think twice before you drink till you completely trashed and decide to take a stranger home. i have done it, and this poem makes me thank god i am still alive. -
I like this a lot where did u get the idea for it? Love Lauren
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vampires. that's what i think of when i read this poem. great job and good luck in the contest.
Love, Tara -
is there no end to your talents,welldone another great piece of writing.love and kisses xxx
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This is realy nice. I cant wait till part 2 where hopefully he erotica starts. I love vampires and this sounds awesome. Well done uncle D xXxPurexXx
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thanks cheryl what a great compliment from a multi trophy winning star like you......i like to think im getting better at this poetry stuff,and friends like you can only help....dougie...x
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EXCELLANT DOUGIE this is brilliant rhymes and flows wonderfully i like your other stuff but baby this is your best well done! xx all my love Cheryl
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Fasinatingly morbid.... Can't wait for part 2 darling..
Nymph -
AMAZING
Yeah I am not into the whole... "Dark" deal... but the rhyming and the flow was amazing... I am looking forward to more of the series... GREAT WORK!!! (YOU DESERVE AN APPLAUD!)
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Great
Wonderful poem! The rhyme was just perfect! I can not wait until the next part of this one! Great job. -
wow, this is really deep and dark, and yet some what beautifull, the language is chilling and makes an excellent write, well done, very good, and i love the meanings behind it, keep it up. she-wolf xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Excellent Job
Whoa! Very nice poem. It flowed beautifully and the rhyming was great. I loved the descriptions and imagery you created. It was lovely. YOu did a wonderful job penning this hot erotic poem. Very good.
Keep up the marvelous writing. And thanks for sharing it with all of us here.
Desyre
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