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My Father's Ties

Missing image

Foster dad's neckties
around ankles and wrists
foster son's fists clenched as he cries in more anger than pain.
Oh "sister" new, prys his fingers out with fits
of anger as he sigh-ie-ed.

Fingertip by fingertip
The lit cigarette
Hot embers
One by one
Burn

learned
What he "Earned"
That dreadful day
"The day"
he learned what it meant to have a family, a
"sister"

God is here somewhere...right?


"Brother" broke into
The bathroom
held him there for hours
naked
It happens
to
Little Boys, too

"Father" grabbed ankle
Face impact
Pulled down stairs
Accordian face
Flopping
Striking
Each stair
On the way to another
"Learning Experience"

Oh, "Mother" Foster
Worst of all to a little soul
The words,
"I hate You"

No wonder he screamed when touched softly
Diagnosed Autistic
Puncturing holes in walls with my head
Rocking in chairs for hours (silently on the outside)
Quiet body (keep your secrets)
Staring ahead
Blinkless, look down...if you looked...

Young life fell out of rhyme
"Youth" ran out of time
seven years old
40 years
finally
One Godly touch bubbled from the core,
although to the young story One could add more
and more
and more...

Five "families"
All the same
Different names
Same hate

cold

cry

But trust says The One will come...

because God was always there.

Author notes

Written December 30th, 2005

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Timothy Cameron gold member
    January 9, 2006
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    Thanks for untumbling my heart in ever widening circles that climbs the heavens that pull myselves/ourselves out of the deep...ever including those that have been there before and after us...


  • zpradeep
    January 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    great.

    i have read thousands of emotions time and time again on the net..there are people who betray their own poetic emotion and although most of us are Wordsworth imitators (poems are emotions recollected in tranquility) people like you understand that emotions are everything in poetry..and i really appreciate and respect those emotions..i'm thankful that you have used your talent to serve the purpose of understanding first your own emotion rather than judging the world and other rational thoughts..and understood that the ideals of mankind goes through their own personal self..abuse that affect the mind are dangerous and can be inflicted upon one by the use of physical harm..that happens all the time..just that we dont realize it..and unserstand it..i'm you have made a point to react and most importantly worte it in a correct way..i am grateful to you for that...not as a fellow poet or for any points but as another human being in this darn coexisting frame of a stupid life..


  • bloodlustgirl
    January 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i think this is the most amazing poem i've ever read your talent overwhelms me its going on my favorites list please keep it up i look forward to reading more and i love your style asl style bacause my grandparents are deaf and it comforts me


  • Trellis
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very well-written. Very painfully survived.


  • ebaby
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Just to mention this to get it off my chest, I had joined that group when I first joined AP I never got one message as how to even access that group I actually thought it was closed or something, so I took my name out of the group. Seems like if you deal with something over 40 yrs you learn something on your own. Id just like to Thank You for taking the time to read my thoughts, as this has been a great place to vent and feel what you know in your head threw writting...then reading that so many others have been in your shoes. I learn something new each day here on AP and hope to learn more from so many kind people such as yourself. Happy New Years Tonight! 2006 is here.

  • -DarkExpressions-
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow...That is terrible! I can't belive that does happen. And they are suppose to protect you. I sure hope this didn't happen to you! Good luck. But please follow the rules by putting 'Abuse is not the solution' In the author's comment box.! Thanks


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I know what you mean. As an abused person myself, I can relate on some level. Hugs and love sweety...and yeah, F those who don't get it.

  • Timothy Cameron gold member
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Robin,
    Thanks for the comment. I have noticed some people leave you high and dry if you are a male that has been abused. Many of us never admit it. It's like we are automatically suspected of being an abuser. It's like being abused again. You know how female rape victims get accused of "asking for it" somehow? They get abused again, right when they need REAL love and concern.
    But me, I no longer give a F what anyone thinks in that area. How can I be of service to help others if I keep it a secret?
    So thanks for standing up and being counted as someone who sees compassion for me. You know what that does for me.

  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Timothy , this just breaks my heart and at the same time fills me with respect at your healing and overcoming such a horrible experience. I have never understood how adults can be so cruel to the innocent children. I'm really not sure what to say except to say that my heart is beating a love note for you at this moment. Many many many hugs for you sweety.

    ~Lyrical


  • Timothy Cameron gold member
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I couldn't make this up. I just didn't want to get too specific. It was much worse.


  • luckynsincere
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Timothy,
    This moved me. The horror written within these words are unbearable. I certainly hope that this was that wonderful imagination shinning through and not a real event... or events. My husband was a foster child. He was placed here and there. Abuse was a common place for him. I hate the thought of that. Children are so vulernable. Only a monster could hurt the inocent. It is like they are so weak that they have to find someone not strong enough to defend themselves. they prey on the small... the sweet... and the beautiful. Your powerful write had me clenching the shirt upon my heart... tears were forming. This Timothy is certainly a reality check for all of us that so easily ASSUME that our children are fine. There are monsters everywhere. the school. the church. the neighbors. EVERYWHERE!! As a mother, that is very scary!
    Great job on the write...
    It hits home.
    Meli
    Edited on Dec 31, 9:42 because ''.

  • Timothy Cameron gold member
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for caring, e-babe. It's almost funny, nobody from the Used and Abused group has come to read this poem. Oh well...such is life. Maybe they read it later. But, thank you for reading it and caring. Much warmth sending your way through the puter lines...

  • Timothy Cameron gold member
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Sweet and tender soul, yes this is real and more, but I just don't go there often. I have healed by the power of the love of God in my heart...and that I say with gratitude, no apologies, and the sure belief that the best CAN come out of the worst situations. What people do to destroy us, God can use to save others. There was a girl on AP who was being abused and we spoke for some time. There have been others who have shared their tears and pain. The sensitivity I gain from the deepest pain, the lose of trust I experienced for so many years...helps others now. If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me (WH Auden).
    Love you sister...
    Timothy


  • cherche -d -ame
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    . Is this real?I can only say that I hope not, but somehow I get the feeling that it just might be . I wish you good luck in the contest...I am not applauding this. I have reservations at times about applauding certain writes. It might be silly , but if they seem so personal and they address pain , I feel very akward applauding. It seems to me as unappropriate as giggling at an enterrement, as the body is lowered into the ground
    much love, xoxo
    reenie (talk to me)if you ever need to

  • ebaby
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    heartfelt poem

    This is so sad, and so horrible of a child to have to go threw...never will I understand that kind of abuse, as there no understanding other that a "sick mind" you stir up emotions with this write as it really makes one think that maybe they didnt have itso bad after all. I wish you warmth and love and good luck in the contest.

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