Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

The Forest



Dank and dense, drastically dreary,
Laced with mists, a frightful fog
Awash with whispers, weak and weary,
Here lurks a soul in every log.

The Forest aflicker, fledged with fears,
Sweeps through shades, greys and greens,
Gargantuan growth from The Child's tears,
Stops strangers still, with sightly scenes.

The Forest exists to confuse, bewilder,
Leaves loop round, barks of beauty,
Embroidered upon by a gifted gilder,
Distractful designs are their only duty.

Many have tried, axes and saws,
To no avail, the one way through,
To reach The Child, the lost cause,
Is to look upon, not see but do.

The Forest surrounds all lands inside,
A peninsula of perpetual pain,
Halting all whom have tried,
To enter with no hint of strain.

This heaving mass moves mountains,
Encompasses armies of men,
Wakes waterfalls, fools fountains,
Yet birds do flock, ravens, wren.

From The Forest comes a page,
A piece of perfect paper,
That The Child fills with rage,
And releases it like vapor.

From tears of children, our little ones,
Does beauty spring, in bounds and flows,
From skies to moons, planets and suns,
From tears of children, The Forest grows.

Author notes


Written December 29th, 2005

In a list

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 23 of 23
  • wow ...

    this connects with the image brilliantly. again the rhythm is kept up through out the entire poem, and so is your use of rhyme! to be frank nothing i can say here can do this poem justice haha.
    Indescribable.
    Nah
    x


  • Sunshine Always
    July 8, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Finding the right words to comment here is beyond me, so I'll just say BRILLIANT.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    March 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    {again ignoring all other comment ~ I do not want to find myself arguing with anyone else up there} I loved this one. The alliteration works, as does the rhythm and rhyme scheme. I think you need "a-flicker" in the 1st line of the 2nd stanza, though.

    Daniel, you have a real talent, original, and modern. Thank you very much for sharing the entire collection with us.


  • Dragonsblood
    January 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful piece - I like the rhyme and rhythm its usually what I go for in a poem that I read. The story within the pome sound wicked and almost reminds me of something that stephen king would turn into a horror. Your words first should be read without any punctuation or pause and they should flow just like a giant run-on sentance or otherwise, if use of punctuation is there, then it should be read like a story and just has rhyme and pause where the lines drop and end at commas and periods. A couple pleaces you have a short list or an idea change in the middle of your paragraph (stanza); one of these helps out a lot and lets the reader have time to breathe before taking in the facts within the list. This heaving mass moves mountains,
    Encompasses armies of men,
    Wakes waterfalls, fools fountains,
    Yet birds do flock, ravens, wren.
    You keep to a pattern of syllables, or at least close to it, 'cept for this stanza. Does this stanza need dramatic pause before reading? Does the subject change in the last line need punctuation for easier reading? I find it easier to read this paragraph like so:
    This heaving mass moves mountains;
    Encompasses armies of men,
    Wakes waterfalls, fools fountains,
    Yet birds do flock; ravens n' wren.
    Best way I can think of to make your wording work. I really like this stanza its actually my favorite, which is why I picked it, and I would prefr it to almost have a double space around it so that it has dramatic pause to the rest of your piece. Gives the constant rhythm a snap back to reality before finishing out the poem

  • heart on sleeve
    January 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i cannot use any words that will do justice to this, it is a true perception of entertwined reality's and fantasy's, brilliantly wrote almost seductive, took me aback and i re-read it and again yes an outstanding poem so very well done lol abigailxxx


  • MassHysteriaX3
    January 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this is SO amazing i love it! you did a wonderful job with it! .... i understand how you feel i feel so lost and afraid sometimes.. so alone in this world so full of people.
    xox
    silently screaming


  • grannyeri gold member
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I'll never think of a forest the same again, not able to see the forest for the trees I guess. Deep and dark, like Stephen King in a way.


  • DD Sai
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Dude that was great. the imagery was wonderfull. You could be the next Allen poe.


  • DanASBO
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    awww you soppy so and so thank you again for your kind words.


  • Thoughtful Seeker
    January 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    fantastic,everyone needs 2 read it!!

    wow what can i say about a piece like this but very well done. seems alot of hard work went into this,and it shows. great work,very creative and frought with meaning. beautiful and mysterious. something worth the time it takes to read it. dan,you never cease to amaze me with your talent. not only do you have rapier wit,but you have the intelligence to go far with such fantastic poetry. you are an amazing person. keep up the great work. i loved all the imagery in this. it made the forest come alive,as if it were a living breathing person. i think that's what i loved most,and i enjoyed the undertones of truth laced within this also!! janny/miss marsh23

  • DanASBO
    January 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    lol, thank you, if you did sincerely enjoy this then maybe you would enjoy the rest of the collection They're all posted on my authorpage.

    Dan


  • Hella Bella
    January 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    chilling

    Oh my GODDESS! lol I have chills after reading this, which I must say (however cocky it sounds) has not happened before. I am in awe of this write! The visuals it INvokes and the feelings it Evokes are just so friggin' powerful! DAMN. Clearly, I'm fairly speechless. More more more!


  • DanASBO
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I snagged it myself so go ahead, lol, thanks for the comment.


  • LadyUnique silver member
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    awesome pic...do you mind if i snag it?
    as for your poem it's stunning. i like the way you've tied children in with the forest. very clever and intriguining write

  • Mouse Poet
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    perfect, excellent.

    Beautiful. This is very well written. A masterpiece. I love nature and you really breathed life into it.


  • Jaded Lily gold member
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Well, my precious friend, you already know how in love with this series I am. The child in me has watered that forest with her tears for two days now...with no one to console or help her. This is absolutely amazing with the outstanding imagery. The picture you have painted here is stunning and I would hide it away in my heart....had I one left to hide things in.

    Lily

  • PhoenixSer
    December 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely love this one, it's my favorite in the series so far. The descriptions in this one are just so awesome. Played off my overactive imagination very well, could almost hear the eeirie whispers winding through the fog and around the trees. I love this whole collection, just the way you develop it keeps me wanting more, which is quite a feat given my attention span xD Wonderful job Muffin Man. Inform me of the next add when it comes along!


    ~Sarah~

  • Maddox
    December 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, Forests are very much like that... i'm going to feel weird next time I have to walk through it. It makes me think... Wow, everything around me is so alive...


  • DanASBO
    December 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    lmao


  • fuz Z navel
    December 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    purcle i love it! you're so talented! good job! clap clap clap *mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc**mc cuddle gle mc*

    ♥fuzzball


  • Owlfire
    December 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Woohoo!

    This is really excellent, I love your rhyming, rythym and your vocabulary! The alliteration in the second stanza is great! Wow, you are a true talent!
    I felt like I 'got' this, but will explore the rest of the collection some time!


  • Dreamer With Dreams silver member
    December 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Your use of words I believe to be is amazing! You are truly talented! I have to agree with Zorg that this write does create wonderful imagery! Well done!

    Safely hidden in the darkness,

    ~ The Rocker who lost all aka Sacred Shadows


  • moonling
    December 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this.I love nature and this is well written and full of wonderful imagery.I have to admit to not understanding verse 4 tho,but other than that it's fantastic.Well done and keep up the good work.

1 - 23 of 23