I will be your garden gnome
standing in the shade,
you can come and take me home
and we will have it made.
I will be your concrete elf
pointy toes and all,
you can claim me for yourself
and stand me in the hall.
I will be your garden gnome
short and fat and mossy,
you can be the queen of Rome
big and loud and bossy.
I will be your work of art
display me by your throne,
and don't you worry, I won't fart,
my butt is made of stone.
I will be your garden gnome
and read all that you write,
and if you write a lousy pome
I'll still feign sheer delight!
Author notes
I would like to be the most beloved and popular garden gnome on all of AP. I would like to be the garden gnome of anyone who will have me. Please share.
I am currently standing in the gardens of:
nova4eva
earthstar
Mistressofthedark
Irish Holly (at least until she changes her name. again...)
Analexii
Mainstream Memories
ItalianGurrl
Shattered Logic
LittleAnn
lexie like woah
Faithful-Star
and can guard your shrubbery too. Just let me know if you think I'm worthy for your family and I'll add you too
Written December 26th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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Would you get along with my standing aboriginal with spear and throwing stick? (worries)
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I would love a garden gnome, we just bought a house and it has a lovely back garden, although I notice this is the year for japanese beetles and tent catepillars. Can you do anything about that? And I would love, at first, feigned delight at my rambling poems, followed by a sharp critique.
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oooh ooooh you can stand in my garden
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Awww, that was adorable. ^_^
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This is a very funny idea, btw. I keep laughing about it hours later.
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really...
so if you're in my timezone (EST) and posted this 10 hours ago (as AP reports), that means you posted it at 10:45pm, which means if you laughed about it hours later, you sat up in bed at 2:00am and burst out laughing, scaring the hell out of everyone else in the house who may have all made mental notes about seeing your therapist in the morning...
Of course if you're in a different time zone, the results may not have been so dramatic.
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lol. Unfortunately, I already have a garden gnome. His name is Kevin (believe me, it's no relation to AP Kevin -- existed WAY long before). What I do need is a garden. Poor Kevin lives in the bathroom.
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you have a bathroom gnome?
Oh my! Does he clean the toilet? You could be on to somehting there...
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I would love you to be my garden gnome as well!!
You are really funny I must say, the rhyming and flow of this piece are perfect, I really love this!
This convinced me that I just HAVE to have you as my garden gnome!
Keep up the amazing work!
Annie
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My pleasure
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hahahaha great write, the rhyme and flow is perfect, I love this it's very descriptive, and simple. I would love for you to be my garden gnome!! good job and good luck!!
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hahaha one of the best humorous poems ive read! ever! i smiled the whole way through! hahaha i love the rhymes and the rhythm was perfect. you can definitely be my garden gnome! lol
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Welcome
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Hahaha
this is cute...
Although I find those liittle things freaky
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Can you be my garden gnome?
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Done!
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That was awesome.
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Nice work
Hey, sure you can be my garden gnome. I wouldn't mind having you around to look at.
Great entry. I see that you won silver with this same piece as well. Well, maybe I can make it gold for you, eh?
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this is soo funny yes you can be my garden gnome that is soo unique and i love it!!!
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Very Good
very good thanks for being my garden gnome take care im me anytime love brenda -
One day elephant ears will rule the earth- or at least my garden...
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very good
Garden gnome have not heard of for years my garden has roses about 15 bushes red white pink purple roses i have snapdargons sunflowers carnations mums variety of other flowers is this garden of you liking take care a very cute poem or would you have me plant a special flowers i have iris elephant ears i love to garden be well my freind i love fansty do not write much of it this is very cute it brought a smile to my face take care brenda -
ummm... I thought it was obvious, I wanted to be your garden gnome.
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We gnomes are still babies at 100
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wow nice poem I really like it its funny and you got me at the best time but I got a question are you really a hundred years old?
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I am not feigning...this is truly delightful
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good
Wow this was pretty cool! Definantly right for the contest. Good job!! -
I do like the new verse... it adds the right amount of suck-upiness to the entire thing!
I am sure you will soon find yourself in a great family!
I am off to read that uther guy. -
Wait no, I only added one, but I rewrote one, and reorganized all to give it some sort of form
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Close to what??? Did you see I added a couple verses?
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yeah like your getting anywhere close!
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I swear I would only watch when it's light out.
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Oh man -
this just really really something...
I am shaking my head thinking - how scary is that!
To have an LRH garden gnome watching my every move...
Hope you get adopted!
Susan -
Short and fat and mossy! Awesome!
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haha, this made me laugh, this was really good, I enjoyed it very much, hope you do great in the contest, great write!!
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