May the Force be Weak with You

and now I regress to my slightly vulgar teen years...

"Arrrrrrrrrrrg!" The big, hairy Wookie complained, and Han had had enough... “Shut the holy ewok-breath up, you smelly Hutt-barge, I’m so sick of your whining!”

The Wookie was at first angry, and would have smeared the canteen’s bartop with the smart-alecky human’s entrails, but just then a squad of Stormtroopers burst noisily through the airlock doors. Lucky the Force was ever so weak with our two antagonistic protagonists...

Now in Wookieland, Stormtroopers would be amusing entertainment at the Dismember-Our-Enemies Two-Moon Wookiefest held bi-annually as the two moons aligned. On this planet in the outer rim however, Stormtroopers were backed by powerful Lords of the Sith, just oozing with the Dark Side of the Force, so a tactical retreat was the rule, rather than the exception, for two-bit smugglers.

Both the Wookie and Han slid out the rear exit, shielding their view behind two giant Octopi traders standing with their mouths agape and spilling their Bantha coctails onto the floor.

At the end of the alleyway sat the Millenium Falcon, warmed up and ready to go. Han flipped his remote and the entranceway swung open. Stormtroopers appeared close behind and issued threats to halt. With no time to think, the two heroes dashed into the freighter and light-zipped it out of there, as the Stormtroopers fired to no avail. The Force also favored the Millenium Falcon, though ever so slightly... 

Deeeeeeep space...


Deep space holds a certain aura for those who travel through it. Long instrumental rock tunes are played from past centuries as celestial bodies slowly pass by in a cold, unperturbed silence, with destinations forever hovering in the peripherial shadows of the distant darkness, as pilots kicked back and entertained daydreams of lightsaber battles with Sith Lords and wielding fantastic powers of the Force...

It was in such long moments as these that our two heroes bonded, first with friendly games of spaceman dominoes, which the Wookie always won, then in magmarock-3Dpapar-laserscissors, which the Wookie always won, then in games of chance, which the Wookie always won. Han was not an idiot...

The Wookie was a trained mechanic on light-speed craft, and soon displayed his integrity and tenacity and resolving problems around the Millennium Falcon. Han, ever the wheeler and dealer, soon had the Wookie on as first mate and business partner.

A year in the galaxy, and than another, passed by, long ago and far, far away. The two became inseparable, as much out of a fondness for one another's body oder as out of simple survival among the Empire’s many entrepreneurially-repressive tentacles reaching out to strangle the life out of the hard-working denizens of the galaxy.

Then it happened...

In a small hamlet on a back-planet that dealt in junkyard light-speed parts, they encountered him. The infamous local Sith Lord, Verbabubbawubbawhichamachingalilly. They called him Lord Lilly behind his back. He didn’t like that. It made him angry... and ruthless... and just plain mean... and the dark side of the Force was with him... though ever so weakly...

As our heroes were both inebriated with Bantha Juice they began poking fun at the Lord's stature, as he was only 4' 8" tall. The fuming Dark Lord drew his lightsaber, now glowing red with his internal hate and the evil side of the Force, and advanced quickly to vanquish his new unworthy, ragged tormenters. In a flash Han dove behind some rusty Imperial blaster casings, leaving the Wookie standing alone. The Wookie immediately had a Wookie seizure, and spit out black Wookiegoo all over the Dark Lord. As the frustrated Sith Lord went ‘ewe’ and looked at the mess on his shiny new outfit, Han rushed out and swung a hollow pipe, landing a solid blow on the side of the Dark Lord’s helmet, which obligingly crumpled.  The Force was with the hollow pipe that day, and The Dark Lord cried, and ran home to his mother, Lord Vader.

Han, inspected the sticky Wookiegoo, and proclaimed, “From this day forward, you stinky, shaggy bag of doo-doo, you shall be known as ‘Chewbacca’, in honor of your disgusting, sticky Wookiegoo that you spittle up every time you’re scared womp-rat stiff.”

...and that is how our famous daring duo, ever so slightly touched by the Force, (and usually filled with Bantha juice), began their long, profitable, and tumultuous friendship in a galaxy long ago and far, far away.


May the force be weak with you.


and HaPpY HoLidAYs!