"Ah sweet mystery of life at last I've found you..." trilled Naughty Marietta vivaciously as she lay on the sun lounger in her back garden. Her voice carried shrilly over the surrounding gardens as she had her earphones on and didn't realise she was practically yelling her head off. She was also more than half way to being totally wasted on Pimms Number 1, which no doubt contributed to her gay abandon.
A window opened and Plump Peter the Peeping Pervert looked out chubbily and salaciously. And what did he see? He saw the nearly naked nubile figure of the gorgeous Naughty Marietta lying spread-eagled in a wanton position on her Mediterranean blue sun-lounger, a table by her side and a large jug of what looked suspiciously like Pimms Number 1 on it. Although he fancied a glass of Pimms himself, he fancied Naughty Marietta much more. He looked longingly at her pert, suntanned, well-oiled breasts and he ogled her long, luscious legs, leading up to her marvellously musky (he hoped) minge which was barely covered by a teensy-weensy little nearly-opaque mini-thong.
Plump Peter the Peeping Pervert rushed to fetch his SLR camera (the expensive Japanese one with the 150-275mm zoom telephoto lens he had smuggled through Customs in his capacious underpants). He would need his super-steady tripod too if his trembling fingers were to avoid blurring the images he wished to record of Naughty Marietta's promiscuous and teasing display of her sensual beauty. He also grabbed hold of a tube of "Superwank" hand cream and a box of Man-Kleenex so as to have a damned good masturbate during the photographic session he was eagerly looking forward to.
Soon the great photographer was in action: stark naked with a nascent mini-erection, he was hunched artistically over the Canon Super-Sure Shot, snapping away as Naughty Marietta innocently played with her rock hard nipples and slipped her eager digits under her thong, chastely unaware she was the object of such eager scrutiny by the happily masturbating Plump One.
But Naughty Marietta was not so foolish as Plump Peter thought. Oh no. She knew that perverts sometimes watched her at her guileless aestival pastimes. Anyone might have thought those sunglasses were just ordinary ones, but that was far from being the case. They were ultra-super-strength magnifying sunnies (as supplied to the military to seek out marauding snipers in the latest exciting desert Boys' Own Iraqi adventures). Her beady magnified glance had spotted Plump Peter's camera and the sunnies' built-in range finder had told her he was precisely 275 feet away, at 21 degrees elevation. She casually punched the co-ordinates into the control panel of her waiting state-of-the-art multi-shot crossbow, with an elegant flick of the wrist. She pressed the "go" button and four sleek ultrasonic metal bolts shot out of the shining aluminium battery sited on the garden deck which Plump Peter had carelessly not spotted in his eagerness to record Naughty Marietta's nude loveliness.
"Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhhh!" shrieked the overweight degenerate as three of the four projectiles found their mark on his unattractive person: one shattered his collar-bone, one got him in the left ear (partially removing the lobe) and the third demolished his upper front teeth. The fourth bolt sadly missed Plump Peter but it was not wasted: it smashed the zoom lens and, sadly for the great photographer, broke open the body of his lovely camera, thus exposing to the light of day the 34 photographs he had so carefully taken. As the naked pervert lay screaming on the floor, he found to his dismay that he had inadvertently defecated in agony and terror.
Naughty Marietta burst into song again to drown out the hideous screams from the wounded watcher: "Ah sweet mystery of life at last I've found you...." she warbled joyfully. It was one of her favourites. She paused in her vocalisation and sipped her Pimms Number 1 reflectively. What a lovely summer's day!
Author notes
I feel this would make a marvellous screenplay; I would probably cast Woody Allen or Mel Gibson as Plump Peter; Naughty Marietta might well be Madonna. Although she's probably too buxom. And far too old. But it would be nice to see her ass and tits on screen.
Did you miss the first 2 "Naughty Marietta" stories ? I bet you did, you naughty people! So click on:
www.allpoetry.com/story/1687492
or
www.allpoetry.com/story/1707647 .
Or to continue with this charming saga: www.allpoetry.com/poem/1711617 !
Written December 21st, 2005
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Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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ooppss i forgot to add my applause so i will add them now...
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Lol very nice. I really loved the 5th and 6th paragraphs. It really made me laugh. You did an absolute wonderful job on writing this. I have not read the others yet but I do plan too and I look forward to doing so. I love the character names by the way. Wonderful imagination! loved every second of this! much love and great job!!!
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very very lovely, like the spider to the fly, marietta is not to be taken lightly by her beauty for she is a deadly, feircem beast. My hat I hand to you, and offer you the seat of poets. Were you a man, I would welcome you to the brotherhood, BUt since you are not, Walk freely through our doors, and be at peace in our home.
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I clicked on it so I will comment!
When I clicked on your write I did not know what to expect..however I know now!...it is definitely not to my taste...however it was well written and highly imaginitive...I wondered if perhaps you had been using some prohibited substance in order to bring this story to life...theres not a lot more I can say apart from that...regards Dan!
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awesome, as ever.
i do so enjoy my occasional quiet morning, curled on the couch with the laptop. i drink my coffee, and browse poems. yours are always sure to make me grin. im not sure why they draw such clear pictures for me, perhaps your interesting use of descriptive words... in any case, youre absolutely fabulous.
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Hey man...!!! you are surely a great poet and I love the amazing write..the imagery is beautiful and strong and is very deep!! it rhymed good too at some places which was the best part..The lyrics make this one of more importance and this one is just amazing.
this is a great job, and i look forward to read more of yours. ANd do take a look at my work too, i wud be very thankful to u for this act of kindness best of luck for more!!!
God bless,
Love,
-Mansoor -
How on earth do you dream this stuff up, Edna? These twisted tales of yours are incredibly funny. I think I'm hooked on your stuff.
D.D.M.
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hilarious!
i'm constantly amazed by the crazy cool shit people come up with. i laughed my ass off... and was a little turned on. fabulous!
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Think Catherine-Zeta Jones would be ideal in the role as she was Marietta in "Darling Buds of May, not sure about hubby as Peter though - too old now bless him! Good story.
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sweet
Oh, how delightful, my Dear. A romance and an action thriller all in one. Leave it to you, you naughty nymph.
Have a great NY. -
Witty and original.
Most entertaining..I was sure I was going to hate it but I actually found this to be amusing... Happy New Year you!!!
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Naughty and Nice!
This is hysterical! I love your use of language, this is just fun to read, and I love the end! -
what about mans rights? your both you should see it from both points of view!
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whats she doing with her tits hanging out feeling her fanny is she dont want blokes watching? thats why muslims make women wear veils cos of whores like her, they should stone her two.
THE HARLOT! just like my ex wife -
i feel sorry for the pervert that bird is obviously a prick tease and needs a good shafting, i hope in part two some bloke ties her up and rapes her and leaves her in a dustbin
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Hey! I liked this alot. Great Job. Good luck ~Lady Eclipse
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Holy good night Edna... lol well lets see. The story is well written, the content of this work is marvelous but I agree with Bungalow this is a work of a lunatic but I loved it hahaha. Thank you for sharing this work with me and for the wonderful gift of your pen. Good luck in the contest... Blessed be and Merry Christmas!
Nena
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Wow! You're a really good writer!!!! I was instantly drawn into your story especially with that opening line!!!!! How could one not want to read more??? LOL!!!!
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Woman, you're a lunatic! Go forth any envelope/envelop the nearest man
Merry Xmas... -
No, I am not from Kent. Although Kent is not far away from where I live, indeed I can almost smell it from my house. In your honour the next Naughty Marietta story will be set in Kent. I shall be sure to IM you when it is available. A very happy Xmas to you in your bungalow on the cliffs at Herne Bay!
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Zzzzz
I apologise for the spelling mistake! I won't bother commenting on these strange little stories of yours, they seem a tad sad. But keep it up.....Very high opinion of yourself haven't you? Are you from Kent?! -
What a nice story, edna. You are going onto my favourites if you aren't already there! Applause for you and Marietta
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Dear Thinker: You were kind enough to comment favourably on a Naughty Marietta story of mine. Firstly, thank you! Secondly, happy Xmas! Thirdly, do try some other Naughty Marietta stories! Fourthly, a group exists for her fans: "Fans of SNOGGO and Naughty Marietta" !!!!!!!!!
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Dear Bedazzled: If you enjoy Naughty Marietta, you might enjoy SNOGGO too"! His first adventure is at www.allpoetry.com/poem/1176131 !
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Hillarious
pmpl..... bloody marvelous... my sense of humour full on
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I have indeed read all three of Naughty Marietta's hysterical adventures and as always couldn't help but laugh
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