How longs it been
since I've written for you,
too long since then
so ill fix it,
love you again
Just us the perfect pair,
my words saying
love only you I swear,
cause now i know
i remember, I'm aware
The pain when I'm alone
not here for me,
life sucks on my own,
no one to turn to
i turn to stone
Just don't quit on me,
know I'm not perfect
tried but can't be,
given you all I have
now I agree
Through pain I see
your love's all I need
makes a man outta me,
and I have it,
to the highest degree
So just say forever,
you'll stay with me
through whatever,
and when its hard
you'll leave me never
I'll give you my soul
and every part,
my heart you already stole,
you have my love
you take me whole
Despite time and issues,
promise we'll be together,
no matter what news,
don't cry for me
i've yet to pay dues
Lot more love to share,
more time together
when time is rare,
love you, but being apart
life seems unfair
One last shout
give me your love in words,
without doubt
ill give you my three,
all my words, I'm out
December 21, 2005
~Fraon~
Author notes
I haven't written in a while so I really want critical comments on this piece it means alot to me and I hope I got all the words out the way I meant them. This was written for the girl I love and for all the mistakes i've made in life.
~Fraon~
Written December 21st, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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Beautiful
It's absolutely wonderful. -
you must love her a lot...this piece is beautiful...it shows how deep you feel for this girl, not skin deep...like seeing right through you, using words
-
First thing I noticed was the mistake in your title. 'Your' should be spelt as "You're"... meaning 'you are.'
3rd line... "to" should be "too"
I appreciate the meaning behind your poem but I feel as though you worked too hard to accomodate the rhyme scheme which detracted from the contant as certain parts felt 'forced.' I suggest trying to re-write this without rhyme and just see where it takes you.
Having said that, unforced rhyme is a hard skill to master and practice makes perfect.
~Faded
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