I see you in the crippled beggar
Sometimes, as flashes on the bridge
Small hands, but enough for a neck;
Dark hair, child of winter
Thin, almost sick
carrying that last lick of red
and corset to the grave.
That final cluster of leaves
On a grey oak, sectioned off
at the park, a wisp of smoke
With no talk into the night
Borrowed, given back
Persephone, let me
Bring you flowers, a song:
Ah la la la, ia ia ia Ooooo
Ah la la la, ie ie ie Ooooo
Inanna, Ishtar & Inanna, Enki
Grant me luck, and love
With passion, vision
A light through the underworld
Beneath me, within me
And I will see you
On the other-side.
www.myspace.com/horus8thewerewolves
Author notes
www.myspace.com/horus8thewerewolves
Written December 20th, 2005
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1 - 24 of 24
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Excellant
Unique and I like it very much. -
I enjoyed the read so sad you have such talent and your work should be published this write was very interesting yet vivid the way you write is unique well done
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Interesting...
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Not sure what it is that drew me this piece. But I however really enjoyed the read! There is something captivating that you have done with this, it draws the reader in and just keep them there, Well done! Thanks for sharing.
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sad, very deep in nature, death of a season & a person, shows in this, misfortunate to happen, but to each reason their own, thank you for sharing this deep poem,nicely written, good luck..MM
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ooo i love it! your so tallent!..and the way you descibe everthing is so beautiful, its now offically my new favorite poem =]
xXx -
There's something about this piece... that's just undeniably beautiful...
Though, in reading it, it's not of the typical sort. By that I mean, that the beauty isn't so much in what you say, but how you're saying it. And the intent behind your words, the feelings that pulse just beneath the turn of phrase.
I guess that it is, that I'm just so acquainted with loss, that I mold around it easiest, understanding its shape. For example, the way that you see her... You see her likeness in things not beautiful, but broken or fleeting. The beggar, a creature of need and hunger. Flashing lights, impermanence. Child of winter, something bound to die and leave you behind.
It makes me wonder, if she was really this way, of if this is the manifestation of your fears you had of her?
In fact, if that is accurate, that would make the second stanza mean a whole lot more. A sectioned off oak losing the last of it's leaves, would imply a certain helplessness to do anything. An aging sadness on you, in the reflection of the color grey on the oak. And a wisp of smoke with no talk, the hearth of promise in warmth and companionship denied. The loss of all of her, in the image of Persephone...
Even the title is beautiful in a haunting way. And that romantic pulse of your heart that would promise to come to retrieve her back from Hade's empty grasp, to give her back warmth and the feel of your hands. I always did adore your love poems. You hardly ever write them, and that makes me sad.
You know your second stanza? There was something about the grey oak... It seemed to bring out something in me. I wrote a piece called 'You Are Smoke', with this piece in mind... it seemed to go right through me...
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Wow! This is so nice! It's kind of weird with all the chanting and that. Reminds me of voodoo and african witch doctors! Just crazy! I still really like it though. It has something about it that just appeals and is sweet. Though in a strange way I don't quite understand.
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awesomeness
Very sad, very well done, especially the last stanza with the invocation of the Gods. I like this a lot, it made me feel
Blessings, Sigrun
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Nice imagery! I love the flow of this poem. It makes me feel as if I was being carried along to see the things you see.
very nice! -
Was here a couple of weeks ago - still just as captivating this time round.
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I'm going to be honest. I liked this. The title is what really caught my eye. Probably because my baby came out stillborn. Oh how I long for that baby to come back to me. Everytime I think about it I want to But anyway, good write.
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Such a sad write - well written and easy to read. Some vivid images you have penned for us through these words. TItle grabs.
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nicely done... i found it somewhat comforting, mainly cause i saw in it an ending... thanks for sharing
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This never has happened to me, and actually, it's about the dead of winter and a girl I once knew with a slight abortion like undertow.
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The title jumped out at me, as I have suffered similar loss. This write does describe, to me, the pain and confusion it brings. Very well written, I feel. Athena
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Beautiful sad and as usual a great poem from you .
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This is sweet and beautiful. Longing. It touches me.
Anna -
Gentle. Hard to imagine, but obvious.
Props. -
Awwwww!!! This is so sweet and kind of sad. This is really good. I knew you had it in you!
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Very wlee written piece, the first stanza really made me think of how people respond to losing someone that's been around them for a long time, someone they're used to having with them. In this case, it seems you're almost mourning the death of a season. Either way, this was very well written, the wording was dead on and it had a lot of depth and wisdom to it. Well done.
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The idea of being laid into a grave dressed in a corset was suffocating, since I believe the grave closes in on the sinner. On the other hand this could refer to a heart about to asplode from the person lusting for the other?
Sweet dedications at the end. <3 -
this was amazing. im so sorry for your loss. im in love with this write and it must have been hard but it was gorgeous and i loved how you wrote it!! good luck in the contest!
angi -
I like the invocation of the Goddesses at the end of this poem. I mean, it's sad, but it's beautiful and evokes happiness.
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