Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The Lilac Fairy speaks

I did my best for her - turned Carabosse's
Death-spell to sleep. She slept a century
While ancient empires crashed. Among the losses
Her father's tiny kingdom silently

Vanished from the new maps. The lad who came
To waken her was royally descended -
But seven scarlet decades had defamed
His blood... To working-class he now pretended.

New-flushed with love, though, she became his bride...
His monthly pay is thirty bucks or less!
She has no market skills! Remnants of pride
Forbid them ask my help. In nuptial nest

Of ageing concrete one-roomed flat you'll find her...
Sometimes I wonder: would death have been kinder?

Author notes

This is - as I am sure the judge will see - but some readers may perhaps not - a retelling of the story of "The Sleeping Beauty", assuming an East European setting, in which she falls asleep at the beginning of the 20th century, and is awakened at the beginning of the 21st.

Since some people have queried this, may I point out that the use of the word "bucks" is NOT out of keeping with that setting. In the inflation - and often hyperinflation - which followed the collapse of Communist rule and the disintegration of the Soviet Union, salaries etc (although paid in the local currency) were in many cases calculated in US dollars (referred to colloquially as "baksy"). And the equivalent of 30 dollars a month is still, alas, not untypical in some of the "successor states"!


A contest entry

PLEASE DO NOT FEEL OBLIGED TO COMMENT - but if you DO comment, please understand that it may be some time before I can respond.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • MusicMattnessLives
    November 17
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting to say the least. It's powerful and unexpected. Best of luck and good write.

    Matt


  • iamlost gold member
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, the message in this is strong. I love what you've done with this fairy tale, a powerful piece! That last line is haunting. What a strong idea you have here, and you've conveyed it amazingly well.
    Well penned,
    ~lost


  • sora.
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a great write; i have always found good sonnets to be rather clever. =D
    i liked your use of enjambment, as it really helps the piece to flow.
    my favourite part happens to be:
    "she slept a century while ancient empires crashed"
    good luck!
    =]


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely piece on sleeping beauty!!! You did splendid!

    Unfortunately this was a picture prompt contest and it seems to me like you miss understood.

    Thank you so much for your lovely entry in any case!

    Keep well
    Becks

  • Judith Chandler
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the way you've brought Sleeping Beauty and her prince into the present day. Like the way the piece flows, helped by your use of enjambement.

    Nice write.


  • Doll Faise
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The last line would definetely be my favorite. It just hypnotoized me. Thanks for entering. Good luck.


  • Melissa Burns
    May 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this, even more so now that my computer appears to be working Please know this is an honest comment, I really did enjoy this. It's different take keeps it moving, and I love the image at the end. Instead of the glamour we all attach to fairy tales, they ended up in a rather different ending which is much more life like, but still, if they were that much in love to suffer through, a happily ever after. Very nice


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    April 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well I think it's excellent, very clever, and I did not baulk at "bucks" at all.


  • maa gold member
    April 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was hoping somebody would actually enter a poem of a fairytale adapted to our modern day world ... so far, one participant did so with the poem "no name" - thank you for being another "transformer" of ancient tales ... I love it ...
    I could clearly feel the shift from the sort of "romantic-dreamy-fantasizing" sort of expectation I had in the beginning, right into the desillusioning, yet very awakening reality of day-to-day-life ...
    I very much enjoy the smart humor and gentle sarcasm in this verse, it shows of a bright spirit ...

    thank you so much,
    maa


  • kareneisenlord gold member
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very witty! Yes, I definitely recognized this as a present-day satire on "Sleeping Beauty." The ending made me laugh;

    "Of ageing concrete one-roomed flat you'll find her...
    Sometimes I wonder: would death have been kinder?"

    So true. In your version here, Sleeping Beauty fell asleep in a Palace, to be awakened a century later in another, and very strange, time and place, and by a "poor" Prince, by her standards. Funny, but sad and true. How difficult that would be to wake up 100 years in the future. Talk about culture shock!

    Thank you for entering this in the contest and best wishes!



  • Swan song gold member
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very lovely sonnet and I enjoyed it completely. I am delighted you are in my contest and it is going to be a while before judging is complete.
    Well done and good luck!


  • JustBeingDevine
    November 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    Loved it! Thank you so much for entering and good luck...it's exactly what I have been looking for.

    Jenn


  • Sarah957
    August 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    When truth touches the fairytale, humor can be found.
    My favorite verse was

    New-flushed with love, though, she became his bride...
    His monthly pay is thirty bucks or less!
    She has no market skills! Remnants of pride
    Forbid them ask my help. In nuptial nest

    I have heard tales of rent at 30 bucks. That part seems like a fairy tale too nowadays! LOL


  • jacbgd2 gold member
    August 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is a good story!!!!!!!!!!  I enjoyed reading it and it made more sense after I read your author's notes..... Thank you for sharing!!!!!!!!!! Good luck on the contest!!!!!!!!!!


  • LadyOfFate
    July 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I see, that is funny spell check is not my friend. it is when you want to let us know what your saying. and I was speaking of the spell check on here. It is quite good. your author notes are quite amuseing


  • lucy sky-diamond
    June 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a very good way of comparing the story to really life, wonderful poem/
    i like the way you raise a question at the end very much
    best of luck in the contest
    lucy


  • poettrical
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent review of the story from a modern realistic context - Really good subtle rhyming - wonderful form!


  • CarCrashHumor
    November 19, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    very creative!

    wow, I really loved the ending! and this was written very elegantly and broadway-ish =] thanks for entering, and good luck!


  • Lyndon gold member
    July 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This poem means much with the comments for understanding setting. GBS was not averse to doing this extensively with drama. As for me, I think that it does become necessary at times, as - indeed - it does here. The fairy Carabosse is introduced immediately. I like this. But, before that, you begin with the persona. Importantly for point of view: one that is fascinating. The casual or conversational tone/style is an unexpected but thoroughly enjoyable composition and technique. The plot works well for a narrative sonnet. The prince is a pauper! Would death have been kinder? This rhetorical question, wondered to the self, is a political question in the broadest sense. The whole sonnet smells of reality ( ageing concrete one-roomed) and modern, very modern, history (While ancient empires crashed). This is Shakespearean style and form reefed into this era with modern poetic diction; feminine rhymes and poet-reader familiar diction. We are fond of undercutting irony in such as " New-flushed with love, " which as a phrase contrasts with apparent penury and not being flush with dollars. Alliteration and such devices are present but work quietly; not being ostentatious in any way. I enjoyed the phrase "nuptial nest" even though it is not original - it works well for you here, contrasting with drab, cold reality of it (nests for me associate with the warm and cosy). The irony and sardonic humour work well. The poem is organically, a well-made sonnet whose authority is its own terms and consistency. Lyndon.
    Edited on Jul 28, 12:25 because ''.

  • ecrivain01
    July 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Elegant indeed. Good job.

1 - 20 of 20