Haunting a cliff face, standing guard,
overlooking the one who lights the dark.
A palace of crystal, a caste of stone.
His eyes are lost in the fire she settles by,
pondering alone...
The flames shape her face , like blind fingers feeling their way.
Unaware he stares upon her sorrows, from the tower of yesterday.
The wolves howl at the moon to call to her soul.
It echoes through the mist, and timeless woods of old.
The distinguished trees hold the memories of heart lost and gained.
The winter storms and winds share their desperate stories
across the plains..
Fields of white, blanket the valleys with an eternity of snow.
The rivers of ice are sleeping inside and breathing still and slow.
Burning eyes pierce and stork her, staring her up and down.
The whispers of the night will haunt her, yelping and calling out.
She came here to escape what was,
the shattered glass of a broken past...
But that what was, while she still hides,
will always haunt her heart...
She feels their stares and shallow breath, lingering overhead.
She closers her eyes, but they're still there to show her, her regret.
"Forgive yourself, its not your debt"!!
quotes the voice inside her head.
Finely the fire gives her comfort, and now she can rest.
She re-opens her eyes, only to find her self
laying in her bed....
Author notes
Parallel Anticipation
A contest entry
- Snow White World by Almighty Aphrodite.
450 points, ended February 26, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Only the Dreamers really live. by Angierie.
425 points, ended March 21, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - for the poets who think they can write imagery (pw allowed) by abuyi.
1200 points, ended January 24, 2008, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
-
amazing write.. i loved your words and imagery, your subject was lil dark not your poem.. how it turned out to be a dream ..
thank you for entering and best of luck -
WOOO!!
Great write.. thanks much for the entry!!!! -
I don't see as much winter imagery as I see an introspection of the character in your piece, of feelings of loneliness and abandonment. The winter here speaks more to the temperament of the heart and soul, revealing nuances of shadow and conflicting emotions within the one person. While I do not discard the poem as a bad or worthless piece, I am not exactly sure this entirely fits the context of the contest. But there are still others to read and I may reconsider.
Thank you for entering the contest, and best of luck to you.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
-
yeah i must say im not that happy with the end of thid poem,, the ider of the poem is shes dreaming and wakes up at the end,, ill have to have a look at at,,,,
-
An amazing piece.. a gripping story... with vivid description throughout... alot of emotion thoughout this entire piece... though for critisism.. i'm not sure i liked how the poem ended.. it seemed cut out.. .and a rushed ending... not much description.. and didn't fit the poem... though well done.. and keep writing
-
6/10
I don't see how this could possibly dark, the wording is slow and almost drawling, the epilipses add a kind of easy turn about on to the next stanze, and the brightness of the background with the winter setting just keep things flowing a bright. Not happy bright, just. . . bright.
Speaking of epilipses though! (the concecutive periods on the off-chance you don't know waht they are) You used them wrong. ". . . . " To end a sentence with a pause using them, with 4 periods and a space after each one including the last. ". . . " to pause in the middle of a sentence, a hyphon or comma usually work better, if applicable a semicolon works best. But if you're like me, you'll always like epilipses.
Anywho, aside from that. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with this poem, so you get the full six points there, but it bored me, so that's all you get. If this was supposed to be dark, I suggest a darker theme next time. I also suggest you don't end all stanzas in epilipses, try an exlaimation point or two! Just mix things up you know? Sweetly slow poems are nice, but if you let them drag on as this one did for me, it can be a bad thing.
Now remember everything but the perfect score I gave you for grammar and such was purely my -opinion-, feel free to ignore it, hoever as I said in the description, my contest, my opinion will matter. ^.~.
Anywho, good write, albeit slightly dull.
Ta-Ta deary,
Emonquente. -
woooooooooooooooooooooow ! this is such aaaaaaaaaaaaa dark poem !!!!! thanks for your enty and best wishes in the contest !
-
This poem is well written, flows well and you are clearly a very talented poet. There are some very interesting linguistic choices..
'A palace of crystal, a caste of stone'
---but---
I was hoping for poems more in the vain of the poets that i listed on the main contest page, so I'm going to remove this so you can enter it elsewhere.
Thanks alot for the entry, best of luck in the future and keep doing what u do
-MLE -
Congratulations
Merry meet,
Congratulations on winning the Silver. A beautiful dream poem. Wonderful imagry. Congratulations again.
Amythest -
the word choice, and the flow was amazingly beautiful. It was captivating, breathtaking, and thought provoking. I sincerely enjoyed reading this poem. it is one of the best I've read in a long time. I recieved and felt a lot of raw emotion from this poem. You are extremely talented.
Thank you so much for taking the time in writing such a poem, and allowing
all of us the privelage of reading a brilliant piece of work. I wish you all the
best, and be well poet.
PS. I noticed you won Silver For this poem. It was honestly deserved and earned on your part. Congratulations! -
Glorious write, here. I can feel every word, excellent imagery and flow to this. Absolutely fantastic, this is a brilliant write with great insight and power. Well done!
-
i like this alot as i am able to relate to it so well. i have tried running and hiding from problems and when u come bk they are still there ready to haunt us. ty for a wonderful poem and filled with emotion. good luck in contets huin
Kat xx
-
great great imagery and word vocabulary. good luck _~ The Shadow ~_
-
this was great i loved it.
-
brilliant work!
"A palace of crystal, a caste of stone.
His eyes are lost in the fire she settles by,
pondering alone..."
These lines are so beautiful, and you create some wonerful imagery with your words.It has good flow and it was an interesting read. Thank you so much for sharing this masterpiece, I enjoyed reading this poem alot. You have a great tallent and i will be checking out some more of your work soon.
I would applaud but I have no-one left sorry. But this was a fantastic piece, you really did a great job
best wishes
x original dark angel x -
Amazing
That was a really cool poem.. a dark fantasy and i loved the detailed description as well as the rhyme and flow..
I simple loved this poem.. an awesome write..
The whole poem was really good, except the last stanza you had a few spelling mistakes. Like:
"She feels their stairs" it should be "STARES"
and "but their still" it is actually "they're" short for "they are" the other one "their" is for posession. also "your self" is one word "yourself"
I really liked this and enjoyed reading it very much.. and my last applaud goes to you.. Keep on writing
Nooni
-
This is an amazing poem. It had awesome imagery and I could see a lot of this in my head. Dreaming is good when you need to get away even if our problems still haunt us in our dreams. You really did an awesome job with this poem. Keep it up.
~Midnite rae
[the morbid mistress]
aka:marissa rae -
Very interesting! This is pretty good, but you really need to clean up the typos. For example, there are three ways to write there: there, as in a place; their, as in belonging to them; and they're, as in, they are. You truly have talent, but you need to work on the spellings. If yopu don't, people may have a lower opinion of your stuff than you or I may think they should. - oce
-
Ingenius
Wow. Congratulations. There goes my last applaud for today. This is one of the best poems I've read, mostly because of the way the reader can't help but see in their mind the descriptions you make. It's enrapturing.
-
EXCELLENT
A very sad piece.You used such beautiful imagery. And the wintery feel of the poem makes you feel so lonely and isolated. One can hope for the return of spring to thaw the now frozen soul to release it to love again. I hope things do work out for her. Living in such a cold place is not good, I'm thinking of moving out of the cold myself, I'm looking for a bright sunny beach some where. Good luck and keep writting, this is really a great piece. And even if I'm out of applauds I'll still applaud I don't mind giving up the points. -
The imagery in this was superb, I could picture it and feel it. It takes real talent to be able to place the reader in such a place. I was carried along with your choice of words and rhythm. I loved everything about this poem and I think I'm gonna go read some more of your work! Thanks for sharing this with us all, take care, Heather x
-
Thanks for sharing this...I enjoyed reading it!!!!!!!!!!! I would applaud it but my applauses are used up for the day...
-
XXX~ WoW! ~ Great message in this poem. I loved your creative imagery. Your cearfuly chosen words paint a picture as I read your poetic work of art. This poem has a nice nautral gentle flow. I deffenalty wasnt expecting all of the stuff between the first line and the ending statement. Your wording was excellent. Great revelation, and a very good poem. I am glad I read it. thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do. Happy new year!...peace always in all ways...
-
You have done well here my friend. The imagery was so well placed and you left no room for mistaken visions. Beautiful in it's own words. Nicely done. Now for the honesty and I hope you do not take offense to it. You have a few mis-spelled words in here and I hope that I have not taken this out of context. In the sentence.."But that what was, "why'll" she still hides..., I think you where trying to say "while" instead and then again in the fourth stanza in the first line you put.."she feels thier "stairs", I think you meant to put ...she feels thier "stares". If I am wrong then I am sorry. This was an outstanding poem though, I wouldn't change it in any way exept for the grammar. Thanks for sharing darling. ~val~
-
amazing... honestly
I was completely sucked in
enthralled
you set a scene well,
and spill a compelling tale
keep penning, my friend
<3 travisty -
Oh my god ... this poem was astounding, it really and truly was - your sentence placement caused the words to send shivers down my back, and the line "Forgive your self, its not your debt" realyl struck home because I think this situation could be applied to many of us but in different ways ....
Stunning piece - what more can I say
-
Very good
Nice poem.I liked this poem.Good flow and deep emotions inside.I got nice imagery as "Fields of white, blanket the valleys with an eternity of snow.
The rivers of ice are sleeping inside and breathing slow.
Burning eyes pierce and stork her, staring her up and down." in your poem. -
im speechless its just so beautiful
-
BEAUTIFUL
this is a beautiful poem. only thing isthat stairs should be stares:
Unaware he stairs upon her sorrows, from the tower of yesterday
But that what was, why'll she still hides,
this line confused me a bit. why'll/while
i think it is absolutely beautiful. even without understanding this line. -
This has a very dream-like feel to it, especially with the last line. I loved your word choices, and how you expressed the characters in this narrative poem. Thank you for entering my contest, and good luck.
~NocturnalOpera -
thank you, will be shore to read some more of your work, shouldent your name be shadow of a sheep.. joking
-
The whole poem was beautiful. The imagery was amazing. I was expecting it to go a different direction toward the end, but was happy with the way you ended it. It had the stark-awaking abruptness one feels when waking up from a very vivid dream. Awesome work! I am sure you will fair well in the contest. Keep penning.
-
thank you, poetry is some thing i give all of my self to, i try realy hard to do it well
-
really good!
This is really great!...your very good. The words you used were just wonderful...I look forward in reading more of your writes.
debbie
-
I like this piece it well written. Very vivid as well
-
beautiful poem nice tone and good flow this is good lines........... Fields of white, blanket the valleys with an eternity of snow.
The rivers of ice are sleeping inside and breathing slow.
Burning eyes pierce and stork her, staring her up and down.
The whisers of the night will haunt her, yelping and calling out.
She came here to escape what was,
the shattered glass of a broken past...
But that what was, why'll she still hides,
will always haunt her heart...
Adding your comment:
1 - 36 of 36
15 old applause
