Sometimes I Feel Like A Fool For Loving You As Much As I Do,
Like My Heart Will Burst And That Will Be The End,
My Emotions Left To Lay Twisted On The Ground,
The Shell Of My Body Left To Blow Away Like Dust,
And My Tattered Heart The Only Thing Left Beating,
Strong Slow Beats, Of Passion And Jealousy…
All That Would Be Left Of My Mortal Life
And What I Felt For The Demon Of My Dreams,
How He Captivates Me And Moves The Soul Inside,
I Lose Myself Tangled In His Arms,
And Drowning In His Eyes I Give Myself To Him,
To Leave All Sanity With My Clothes Upon The Floor,
All Of My Hopes And Fears Are Realized…
And I See, I Never Was, And Never Will Be,
Not Without Him To Lead Me…
Author notes
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Written December 19th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I am feeling somewhat like a sine wave. Moving from positive to negative. I don't know what I like about this poem, the idea of using capitals would usually annoy me, but it did convey somewhat a "meaning" and "feel" to the poem.
It's good though, don't get me wrong.
Edited on Dec 20, 6:43 because 'Typo hell was in it'. -
Your feelings are evident here. It is quite possible that this demon that you speak of here, could be subsituted for a mortal man perhaps? In any case, love itself is a demon and a saint in disguise. It can cause much joy and much heartache. I like your use of it here. Your description is quite elaborate and definitely a credit to the work.
All the best,
Jecht Landors -
Nice imagery and emotion.
I love the depth and the discription used in this peice.
Well Done. -
i love this keep it up!!! thanx for sharing this with all of us here at allpoetry really enjoyed reading this keep it up!!!!!
Love ya
~*becca*~
you are a great writer
keep up the great and awesumly awesum work!!!! -
I love this with all honesty. I love the imagery you use and the rhythm of this is great. I think you have done something great with this write, I especially enjoy how you added a dark perspective or rather intake on love and the realization of nothingness with out this other whom makes you a whole. I relate to this and think you did an amazing job with describing and eluminating your emotions through this write. Keep it up.... Great job.
Misty -
This was good but not EVERY word needs to be capitalized.
It made it really hard for me to read, but I read it.
That's the only criticism I can give right now, because that's the only flaw I found.
I love your choice of words and metpahor~
Keep up the good work,
~Han-Chan -
very nice
i like this poem and i think you did a good job of letting the reader understand your feelings, i want to suggest, that if you were to use more/different punctuations other than commas it would be a little easier to understand your desired flow, although i could still manage to read it fine without getting tripped up. using alot of punctuations just seems to make the whole reading and depicting of poetry smoother for me.(not being critical) i cant spell
nice job
-Dan -
I can't comment on it because it's too close to something I'm feeling right now, I did like it though, and I think it deserved applause.
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Interesting
So many ways we find ourselves
Inside of someone else
Only deep within those eyes
Exists this I -
wow this was interesting and in a good way! Great imagery, nice flow and lots of feeling behind these words! nice job!
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