It devastates me to think,
Of how everything I ever wanted,
Was taken away from me
All at once…
My baby,
The man I loved,
All my dreams for the future,
Hope,
Joy,
Restful nights,
I’ve lost the ability to eat strawberry ice cream without tears.
The places I was most comfortable in feel wrong
I’m the stranger in my own world…
And I hate it.
Author notes
I haven't written for a very long time. For the most part, my muses have left me, and I'm trying to get them back (or maybe find a new one?!)
There are parts of this piece I love, because it's so real to me. I'd like to make it more pleasing for others to read, so any thoughts are definately welcome.
Written December 19th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is a wonderful way to express what tragic times you have lived through,Mandy. you can survive this. Your sweet baby,will live through you,will never be forgotten,you are allowed to grieve. As for the man you love, you can't control who you love,but can control the power you give them over your life. Know that I am here and that strawberry ice cream,isn't that good anyway! 
Love you,
Deena
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i thik this is a great depiction of the loss you suffered. the juxtaposition of people you love and strawberry ice-cream really emphasises the loss and adds power to the poem.
i like it the way it is. i think as a first piece for a while you should leave it this way or at least keep this version somewhere as a reminder for yourself. i like the fact that the emotion shows through even if you felt it was a little hesitant.
best wishes and merry christmas heart of clay xx -
It's off to a good start, yet it is a tad rusty. Your emotion, does howeveer, shine clear. Which is what really matters in a peice of poetry.
It was nice how you added in something that you used to do, in this case, eat strawberry ice cream.
As for pleasing your readers, it should be kept in mind while writing. . But, it should N-O-T dictate what you write. Poetry is to come from a pure(er) you, not a dictated kind-of pure.
Nikki -
"The Stranger" could be an apt title for this sad poem. It sounds like a divorce or a death, the loss of everything....the way one is left in their own isolation....
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I am sorry for your loss..
I think this poem is full of emotion...your sadness and anger can be reflected by reading this poem.I said anger because from what you have written,what felt good once is not good anymore and that makes people angry sometimes...atleast I'd feel that way if I were in your place.
I think this is pleasing enough for the readers ,you don't have to alter anything..atleast that's how I feel,I don't know about the others.
Take care,
nellymichelle. -
I think this is off to a good start. I feel that you could put so much more emotion into this if you just look into the pain you feel. Thank you for sharing.
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