::: December 15, 2005 12:37PM- Lunchtime At School :::
It’s like everyone here was raped by some rabid elf. Way too much spirit for me. So I’m a Grinch. Sue me. So I don’t like Christmas. What do you care? I have my reasoning. You’d think they’d get sick after singing the same holidays songs for decades and decades. Why does nothing get old around here? My mother is fucking Martha Stuart…decorating every damn square inch of the house. Maybe the green and red and silver and silver and gold just really hurts my eyes. Maybe I’ve seen too many ribbons from secret admirers tied to candy canes and places in locker doors. Or maybe my heart is just three sizes too small.
So I’m here, slumped against the wall in the locker hall at lunchtime. The steam and smoke of the holidays can’t get me. Damn stuff doesn’t go away. Seeps through the locker vents and colours the irises in everyone’s eyes. I can’t step two feet without someone else asking me to pass a wrapped parcel from their friends to them.
::: December 15, 2005 4:06PM- At Home :::
I believe what bothers me the most reverts back to my home. Victoria came home from school, her pockets full of chunky candies in shiny new wrappers. Popping sweet tarts and small sweet chocolates into her mouth she read aloud from the astrology book her friend had given her. I noticed she was also sporting a new scarf, and a new pair of mittens that clutched half a dozen Christmas cards. Yack , yack, yack. Yes, I heard you perfectly well the first time when you said like Chutney and like Max and like Evan and like Chris and like Ally and like Brittany all loved their presents and spent the afternoon eating cookies and blowing off classes. God does she ever stop talking? And I am defiantly assuming from now on that all of her friends’ first names are ‘Like’.
I hear the art show last night was alright. The librarian said she really likes the doll I made. I took it home and put it on the counter for someone to put in a random cupboard. Honestly my sister reminds me so much of one of those anime girls in mangas. She does some of the action poses where the characters just stays in a perpetual stance of joy while she talks nonstop without her lips moving. Sometimes I can even see the tiny levitating sweat droplet that comes out of no where.
My father’s brow is furrowed at the boxes and bags my sister puts down with her book bag. She’s so excited she can barely contain herself. Of course, then he looks at me, my arm crossed and hugging my sweater. “Well?” He asks. “What did you get? This?” he says picking up my hand-sewn doll. “No. I made that” I say. He puts it down with a faint “Oh” and goes back to my sister. He knows I didn’t bring home any medals of popularity. I guess he’s disappointed, but I bet he’s not surprised.
::: December 15th 2005 5:52PM- In My Room :::
Went to sleep hoping December would just totally disappear all together. No snow, no cold, no ice…that reflects the memory of him holding me in those days. Shards of ice must have found their way into my eyes, because all I can see now is him. Hell bent on my eyes. He’s not real anymore. Nor am I.
Victoria clambers into my room wanting to steal a shirt. She says Mum and Dad are off Christmas shopping. Oh the beautiful holidays. I groan and throw something against my wall. “I needed to go to the mall…great. Now I won’t be able to get anything for my friends” I said.
She rolled her eyes. “It’s not that bad. I mean, how many friends do you really have anyway?
Dave says I should have hit her. I told him I can’t hit someone who has a point.
::: December 15th 2005 7:25PM- Outside Mailbox :::
It’s not snowing. The clouds seem too depressed to make snow, so they settle for some half-assed cold rain. It soaks my trouser legs and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up uneasily as I pick up the mail. Such a cold touch. I can smell the smoke from burning wood in the houses around. Smells cozy, even comforting. Like when I was a child and thought Christmas should come everyday of the year. Before I grew up. Before mum and dad started fighting. Before I knew better.
Apparently Victoria’s Secret is having a 30% off Christmas sale according to the advert, because who doesn’t want to wear thongs in the dead of winter? What else is in the mail…catalogues…bills…shit…Christmas cards. One of the catalogues for American Eagle has the picture of a boy and girl cuddled up next to the fire. There’s snow on their mantle piece. I feel the stab of pain in my chest rise up to my throat, and for a second I want to jump into the picture and murder them. Romances are more interesting when they’re bloody anyway. Tears out of a relationship are overrated. Especially when they fall down cheeks full of frozen rouge in the dead of winter.
There he is again. Alive once more in my memory, once more in the snow. There we are again…skating on the ice. He’s alive in winter. In my frozen hands that were once covered by his. In my voice that once collided with his in laughter. In his lips that…that now are pressed against hers. In his eyes I once owned…that are hers now. So what if its hard for me to accept that we spent Christmas together two years ago, and this year he’ll spend it making love to her in their parents’ bed. So what if I can’t let go of the thought of him waking up with her every morning? …………He isn’t real goddamnit! He’s not coming back!
So fucking shoot me because I have a broken heart. So does everyone else. Just let me be on my merry bah-humbug way and let me get back to my Grinching. Someone has to do it. Can’t have December without a good cynic.
-Ayla
Author notes
I don't know why I wrote this. I really have no idea what it is. I guess I just needed to vent a little bit. A little peek into my mind...all of these events are real. I wish they weren't. The grammar is bad on purpose. Basically, if you were to talk to me, word from word this is what I would say. This is my speech, my use of voice. And let's put it this way: the glass of eggnog is not half empty. It doesn't exist at all.
Written December 16th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- It's Just One Of Those Things by xBeautifulxHellx.
300 points, ended January 21, 2006, 54 entries
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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hmmmmm i remember him...
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wow, sounds like me, heh, how you been? im checking up on friends, this i interesting and definetly the longest thing i read yet on friends list. dont owrry, i dont celebrate xmas either. the eggnog is a newyears thing for me. venting is good. it gets your mind set free from this crap that happens. i know how you feel on a lot of this. i need to go others need to be checked. good to be back on this site for me, but i see not every has the best times of theyre lives right now. good bye friend.
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This is great. Holidays aren't all cheery and shit. I'm sitting here listening to christmas music (against my will) the holidays aren't the same as they used to be.......
uhappy holidays...from an unhappy friend
xx
Rosita -
wow great poem. i really enjoyed reading this. you have tons of talent and your a great writer. dont ever stop writing. i hope to see lots more from you very soon.
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Apparently Victoria’s Secret is having a 30% off Christmas sale according to the advert, because who doesn’t want to wear thongs in the dead of winter? What else is in the mail…catalogues…bills…bunny…Christmas cards. One of the catalogues for American Eagle has the picture of a boy and girl cuddled up next to the fire. There’s snow on their mantle piece. I feel the stab of pain in my chest rise up to my throat, and for a second I want to jump into the picture and murder them. Romances are more interesting when they’re bloody anyway. Tears out of a relationship are overrated. Especially when they fall down cheeks full of frozen rouge in the dead of winter.
that has to be my favourite part...lol. But i really like this and its very relatable(is that even a word) but anyway you did a very good job. And it is true that someone has to be the grinch -
It truly came from the heart. You can tell. Great writing.
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wow this was fanatsic!!
it was intersting the way u made and worded it!!
-Diya <3 -
holy crap.
jesus motherfucking christ! you summed up my veiw on the holidays.. my boyfriend ran off with my best friend a ffew days ago.. so merry fucking christmas to me, eh? this is such an honest emotional piece. that last bit, "I feel the stab of pain in my chest rise up to my throat, and for a second I want to jump into the picture and murder them. Romances are more interesting when they’re bloody anyway. Tears out of a relationship are overrated. Especially when they fall down cheeks full of frozen rouge in the dead of winter.
There he is again. Alive once more in my memory, once more in the snow. There we are again…skating on the ice. He’s alive in winter. In my frozen hands that were once covered by his. In my voice that once collided with his in laughter. In his lips that…that now are pressed against hers. In his eyes I once owned…that are hers now. So what if its hard for me to accept that we spent Christmas together two years ago, and this year he’ll spend it making love to her in their parents’ bed. So what if I can’t let go of the thought of him waking up with her every morning? …………He isn’t real goddamnit! He’s not coming back!", that is how i feel. right at this moment i am listening to our song, imagining him with the crackwhore who betrayed me. an amazing write, i love it. and venting is good, and if this is a product of your venting, you should do it more often, because i'm sure i'm not the only one who agrees with it. take care. -
What sucks is that our mothers are alike in the 'Martha Stewart' aspect. Minus the whole 'prison time' thing.
Its weird, I used to like Christmas, but for some reason or another, I really feel like I could live without it this year. Its really getting annoying. *shrug*
P.S.-As much as I like your little sis, I like you more, and I agree with Dave. (^_^) Besides, she deserves a good slap every now and then. I still havent gotten her back for the shoe thing. -
Thank you. Actually, I'm Wiccan as well. Its not really snow I have a problem with. Snow is one of Mother Nature's little miracles and is quite lovely. For me, it is what has become associated in my mind with Winter that has brought me down.
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I hate Christmas, but I can't say the same thing about snow (that might me because I'm Wiccan and we love everything about nature), but I feel your pain...
Sometimes I wanna walk up to these devoted Christmas participators, give them a good shake and asj them if they really realize where their relgion came from and if they only like Christmas for the presents or the birth of Christ...it's way too frustrating for me!
Nice write though!
C.r.i.m.s.o.n.C.a.t.a.l.y.s.t. -
Ayla.....I knew you didn't like Christmas...but I didn't know how bad. Nor did I know why. Now I understand why and I shall leave it at that. If you ever need to talk, I am here.
Your Lestat
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