The supersonic sound walks slowly across the exhibitions of water -
Speed crawls in disrespect.
Crumbs of water baptize all heart-walkers before
A roller-coaster vision grins in a game of Russian roulette with itself.
Is this a new World?
Vain xerox memories brush heavy eyelashes open into remembrance of
What it was like before
The factory for mending the wings of fallen angels
Was open.
The thirst for redundancy
Was abandoned in favour of
Handcrafted antidotes against faith.
Horizons remain blurred
As hand-cuffed nights suspend
The arrival of new days that never light the universe on time.
Twilight has been ruling in exhaustion for ninety days and all lives.
Is this the new world?
Author notes
Dedicated to the prophets of the New Age
Written December 16th, 2005
A contest entry
- dear. we must eat the liver. sweet as june. we must. dear. by jaunty pill.
300 points, ended June 20, 2006, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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- I’ll start off by mentioning some spelling issues that
Stood out for me. One being the use of “ heartwalkers “…
I think it should have a dash. Either that or possibly spacing
The two words would help. The second is not really something
That is spelled wrong , But might need a little attention
From your end. The use of “ xeroxed “ would sound better
I think as “ xerox “ It doesn’t change the poem from past or
Present tense and it would create a great impact. And I think
Those are the only two spelling issues that bothered me
Somewhat.
Now , You know I love and have read your work in the past
And there is always some underlining pulse. A beat you could say.
It isn’t musical , It seems metaphysical and maybe even , A tad bit
abstract. In no way am I implying that the work itself doesn’t
make sense , But there are moments in your work , In this poem
as well , When the reader has to do a bit more contemplation than
they did in other parts of the piece.
The first stanza of your poem contains things and elements
That seem of no connection to each other…But upon further
Inspection is is apparently obvious that you are implying a
Deeper picture of evolution and how most of it
Will not work or add up in the long run. This is
Not entirely your message throughout the poem ,
But I do see this as a social statement more so
As a personal one. Which is good to see. Many
Others include first person perspective no matter
What and it comes as a nice surprise to see an
Author deal with a topic that most would be
Uninterested in.
The fourth stanza is effortless and the last line
Is a good way of reflecting the first stanza.
Ever so slightly you make the poem unroll
Itself keen and sharp. You don’t take your
Eye of the issue at hand , But you don’t
Bother forcing the work to be a certain way
Either.
This is great work and something that
I can read over again to find other meanings.
Unique and quite brilliant.
Thanks so much for entering and good luck
In my contest ,
James
Edited on Apr 28, 2:10 because ''. -
Your poems stir so many emotions
x -
Yeah, the effect intended was that of a pyramid turned upside down. Some kind of deduction of thought and line until the essence is summed up in the last line
thank you for your comments, mother goose
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thimply thuperb
i like how the stanzas get shorter and shorter and hte last line of the first stanza is very good. i like the snideness of it and i also agree with alot. hits close to home. very well written and i like the AP name too. definately a good choice to add it. -
aah yes a powerful write very dark and so good.
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Thank you, I wrote it literally a few hours ago today...and I wasn't even sure whether to put it up on AP I am glad you enjoyed it
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Wow totally dark yet it seems a strong message... Awesome write
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